Midnight Sun(7)

I could introduce myself. Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. May I walk you to your next class?
She would say yes. It would be the polite thing to do. Even already fearing me, as I suspected she did,
she would follow convention and walk beside me. It should be easy enough to lead her in the wrong
direction. A spur of the forest reached out like a finger to touch the back corner of the parking lot. I
could tell her I'd forgotten a book in my car...
Would anyone notice that I was the last person she'd been seen with? It was raining, as usual; two dark
raincoats heading the wrong direction wouldn't pique too much interest, or give me away.
Except that I was not the only student who was aware of her today-though no one was as blisteringly
aware as I was. Mike Newton, in particular, was conscious of every shift in her weight as she fidgeted in
her chair-she was uncomfortable so close to me, just as anyone would be, just as I'd expected before her
scent had destroyed all charitable concern. Mike Newton would notice if she left the classroom with me.
If I could last an hour, could I last two?
I flinched at the pain of the burning.
She would go home to an empty house. Police Chief Swan worked a full day. I knew his house, as I knew
every house in the tiny town. His home was nestled right up against thick woods, with no close
neighbors. Even if she had time to scream, which she would not, there would be no one to hear.
That would be the responsible way to deal with this. I'd gone seven decades without human blood. If I
held my breath, I could last two hours. And when I had her alone, there would be no chance of anyone
else getting hurt. And no reason to rush through the experience, the monster in my head agreed.
It was sophistry to think that by saving the nineteen humans in this room with effort and patience, I
would be less a monster when I killed this innocent girl.
Though I hated her, I knew my hatred was unjust. I knew that what I really hated was myself. And I
would hate us both so much more when she was dead.
I made it through the hour in this way-imagining the best ways to kill her. I tried to avoid imagining the
actual act. That might be too much for me; I might lose this battle and end up killing everyone in sight.
So I planned strategy, and nothing more. It carried me through the hour.
Once, toward the very end, she peeked up at me through the fluid wall of her hair.
I could feel the unjustified hatred burning out of me as I met her gaze-see the reflection of it in her
frightened eyes. Blood painted her cheek before she could hide in her hair again, and I was nearly
undone.
But the bell rang. Saved by the bell-how cliché. We were both saved. She, saved from death. I, saved for
just a short time from being the nightmarish creature I feared and loathed.
I couldn't walk as slowly as I should as I darted from the room. If anyone had been looking at me, they
might have suspected that there was something not right about the way I moved. No one was paying
attention to me. All human thoughts still swirled around the girl who was condemned to die in little
more than an hour's time.
I hid in my car.
I didn't like to think of myself having to hide. How cowardly that sounded. But it was unquestionably the
case now.
I didn't have enough discipline left to be around humans now. Focusing so much of my efforts on not
killing one of them left me no resources to resist the others. What a waste that would be. If I were to
give in to the monster, I might as well make it worth the defeat.
I played a CD of music that usually calmed me, but it did little for me now. No, what helped most now
was the cool, wet, clean air that drifted with the light rain through my open windows. Though I could
remember the scent of Bella Swan's blood with perfect clarity, inhaling the clean air was like washing
out the inside of my body from its infection.
I was sane again. I could think again. And I could fight again. I could fight against what I didn't want to
be.
I didn't have to go to her home. I didn't have to kill her. Obviously, I was a rational, thinking creature,
and I had a choice. There was always a choice.
It hadn't felt that way in the classroom...but I was away from her now. Perhaps, if I avoided her very,
very carefully, there was no need for my life to change. I had things ordered the way I liked them now.
Why should I let some aggravating and delicious nobody ruin that?
I didn't have to disappoint my father. I didn't have to cause my mother stress, worry...pain. Yes, it would
hurt my adopted mother, too. And Esme was so gentle, so tender and soft. Causing someone like Esme
pain was truly inexcusable.
How ironic that I'd wanted to protect this human girl from the paltry, toothless threat of Jessica
Stanley's snide thoughts. I was the last person who would ever stand as a protector for Isabella Swan.
She would never need protection from anything more than she needed it from me.