Midnight Sun(6)

The other face was Carlisle's.
There was no resemblance between the two faces. They were bright day and blackest night.
There was no reason for there to be a resemblance. Carlisle was not my father in the basic biological
sense. We shared no common features. The similarity in our coloring was a product of what we were;
every vampire had the same ice pale skin. The similarity in the color of our eyes was another matter-a
reflection of a mutual choice.
And yet, though there was no basis for a resemblance, I'd imagined that my face had begun to reflect
his, to an extent, in the last seventy-odd years that I had embraced his choice and followed in his steps.
My features had not changed, but it seemed to me like some of his wisdom had marked my expression,
that a little of his compassion could be traced in the shape of my mouth, and hints of his patience were
evident on my brow.
All those tiny improvements were lost in the face of the monster. In a few moments, there would be
nothing left in me that would reflect the years I'd spent with my creator, my mentor, my father in all the
ways that counted. My eyes would glow red as a devil's; all likeness would be lost forever.
In my head, Carlisle's kind eyes did not judge me. I knew that he would forgive me for this horrible act
that I would do. Because he loved me. Because he thought I was better than I was. And he would still
love me, even as I now proved him wrong.
Bella Swan sat down in the chair next to me, her movements stiff and awkward-with fear?-and the scent
of her blood bloomed in an inexorable cloud around me.
I would prove my father wrong about me. The misery of this fact hurt almost as much as the fire in my
throat.
I leaned away from her in revulsion-revolted by the monster aching to take her.
Why did she have to come here? Why did she have to exist? Why did she have to ruin the little peace I
had in this non-life of mine? Why had this aggravating human ever been born? She would ruin me.
I turned my face away from her, as a sudden fierce, unreasoning hatred washed through me.
Who was this creature? Why me, why now? Why did I have to lose everything just because she
happened to choose this unlikely town to appear in?
Why had she come here!
I didn't want to be the monster! I didn't want to kill this room full of harmless children! I didn't want to
lose everything I'd gained in a lifetime of sacrifice and denial!
I wouldn't. She couldn't make me.
The scent was the problem, the hideously appealing scent of her blood. If there was only some way to
resist...if only another gust of fresh air could clear my head.
Bella Swan shook out her long, thick, mahogany hair in my direction.
Was she insane? It was as if she were encouraging the monster! Taunting him. There was no friendly
breeze to blow the smell away from me now. All would soon be lost.
No, there was no helpful breeze. But I didn't have to breathe.
I stopped the flow of air through my lungs; the relief was instantaneous, but incomplete. I still had the
memory of the scent in my head, the taste of it on the back of my tongue. I wouldn't be able to resist#p#分页标题#e#
even that for long. But perhaps I could resist for an hour. One hour. Just enough time to get out of this
room full of victims, victims that maybe didn't have to be victims. If I could resist for one short hour.
It was an uncomfortable feeling, not breathing. My body did not need oxygen, but it went against my
instincts. I relied on scent more than my other senses in times of stress. It led the way in the hunt, it was
the first warning in case of danger. I did not often came across something as dangerous as I was, but
self-preservation was just as strong in my kind as it was in the average human.
Uncomfortable, but manageable. More bearable than smelling her and not sinking my teeth through
that fine, thin, see-through skin to the hot, wet, pulsing-
An hour! Just one hour. I must not think of the scent, the taste.
The silent girl kept her hair between us, leaning forward so that it spilled across her folder. I couldn't see
her face, to try to read the emotions in her clear, deep eyes.
Was this why she'd let her tresses fan out between us? To hide those eyes from me? Out of fear?
Shyness? To keep her secrets from me?
My former irritation at being stymied by her soundless thoughts was weak and pale in comparison to
the need-and the hate-that possessed me now. For I hated this frail woman-child beside me, hated her
with all the fervor with which I clung to my former self, my love of my family, my dreams of being
something better than what I
was... Hating her, hating how she made me feel-it helped a little. Yes, the irritation I'd felt before was
weak, but it, too, helped a little. I clung to any emotion that distracted me from imagining what she
would taste like...
Hate and irritation. Impatience. Would the hour never pass?
And when the hour ended... Then she would walk out of this room. And I would do what?