Midnight Sun(19)

She made a face, her eyes narrowing and her mouth twisting into a lopsided pout, and she looked back
towards the front of the class. She didn't like it when I guessed right. She wasn't the average martyr-she
didn't want an audience to her pain.
"Am I wrong?"
She flinched slightly, but otherwise pretended not to hear me.
That made me smile. "I didn't think so."
"Why does it matter to you?" she demanded, still staring away.
"That's a very good question," I admitted, more to myself than to answer her.
Her discernment was better than mine -she saw right to the core of things while I floundered around the
edges, sifting blindly through clues. The details of her very human life should not matter to me. It was
wrong for me to care what she thought. Beyond protecting my family from suspicion, human thoughts
were not significant.
I was not used to being the less intuitive of any pairing. I relied on my extra hearing too much-I clearly
was not as perceptive as I gave myself credit for.
The girl sighed and glowered toward the front of the classroom. Something about her frustrated
expression was humorous. The whole situation, the whole conversation was humorous. No one had ever
been in more danger from me than this little girl -at any moment I might, distracted by my ridiculous
absorption in the conversation, inhale through my nose and attack her before I could stop myself -and
she was irritated because I hadn't answered her question.
"Am I annoying you?" I asked, smiling at the absurdity of it all.
She glanced at me quickly, and then her eyes seemed to get trapped by my gaze. "Not exactly," she told
me. "I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read-my mother always calls me her open
book." She frowned, disgruntled.
I stared at her in amazement. The reason she was upset was because she thought I saw through her too
easily. How bizarre. I'd never expended so much effort to understand someone in all my life -or rather
existence, as life was hardly the right word. I did not truly have a life.
"On the contrary," I disagreed, feeling strangely...wary, as if there were some hidden danger here that I
was failing to see. I was suddenly on edge, the premonition making me anxious. "I find you very difficult
to read."
"You must be a good reader then," she guessed, making her own assumption that was, again, right on
target.
"Usually," I agreed. I smiled at her widely then, letting my lips pull back to expose the rows of gleaming,
razor sharp teeth behind them.
It was a stupid thing to do, but I was abruptly, unexpectedly desperate to get some kind of warning
through to the girl. Her body was closer to me than before, having shifted unconsciously in the course of
our conversation. All the little markers and signs that were sufficient to scare off the rest of humanity
did not seem to be working on her.
Why did she not cringe away from me in terror? Surely she had seen enough of my darker side to realize
the danger, intuitive as she seemed to be.
I didn't get to see if my warning had the intended effect. Mr. Banner called for the class's attention just
then, and she turned away from me at once. She seemed a little relieved for the interruption, so maybe
she understood unconsciously. I hoped she did.
I recognized the fascination growing inside me, even as I tried to root it out. I could not afford to find
Bella Swan interesting. Or rather, she could not afford that.
Already, I was anxious for another chance to talk to her. I wanted to know more about her mother, her
life before she came here, her relationship with her father. All the meaningless details that would flesh#p#分页标题#e#
out her character further. But every second I spent with her was a mistake, a risk she shouldn't have to
take.
Absentmindedly, she tossed her thick hair just at the moment that I allowed myself another breath. A
particularly concentrated wave of her scent hit the back of my throat.
It was like the first day-like the wrecking ball. The pain of the burning dryness made me dizzy. I had to
grasp the table again to keep myself in my seat. This time I had slightly more control. I didn't break
anything, at least. The monster growled inside me, but took no pleasure in my pain. He was too tightly
bound. For the moment, I stopped breathing altogether, and leaned as far from the girl as I could.
No, I could not afford to find her fascinating. The more interesting I found her, the more likely it was
that I would kill her. I'd already made two minor slips today. Would I make a third, one that was not
minor?
As soon as the bell sounded, I fled from the classroom -probably destroying whatever impression of
politeness I'd halfway constructed in the course of the hour.
Again, I gasped at the clean, wet air outside like it was a healing attar. I hurried to put as much distance
between myself and the girl as was possible.