Master of the Desert(22)

When she saw the glint in Ra'id's eyes and realised this was a test, and  that he expected her to turn tail and run back to the city as fast as  she could, she said, 'I am keen.' And picked up the reins.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

ANTONIA dismounted and led the pony into the cobbled courtyard. It was  impossible to know what to expect once she went beyond the outer the  walls of the old fortress, and she didn't want to risk the horse  stumbling. She felt sick and weak with disappointment-although pregnancy  might have had something to do with it, Antonia conceded worriedly,  unscrewing the stopper on her flask.                       
       
           



       

As she drained the cooling water she was conscious of Ra'id watching  her. Had he guessed? Did he know that she was pregnant? She really  couldn't find the energy to fight him now; all her earlier defiance had  drained away. It was one thing taking on a major building-project in the  desert when she only had herself to worry about, but the baby meant  more to her than anything else, and she hadn't realised just how hostile  and isolated an environment this was.

She was defeated before she even got started. She wanted to go home. The  old fort was a dreadful place; no one could possibly live here. No  wonder Helena had been miserable. It must have been nothing short of  torment for a young girl to be shut away in the desert.

Lashing her horse's reins to a rail, Antonia sank down on a hard stone mounting-block and put her head in her hands.

'Are you all right?'

She lifted her head. Ra'id sounded genuinely concerned.

'This isn't too much for you, is it?' he said.

'No, I'm fine,' she said stubbornly. 'But, unlike you, I'm not used to the heat.'

'It's much cooler inside the walls.'

As he spoke, Ra'id was unwinding the folds of his headgear, slowly  revealing his brutally handsome face. How could she have forgotten how  the sight of him affected her? Antonia wondered, holding on to her  composure by the slimmest of threads. 'Yes, it is,' she agreed, as if  her heart wasn't pumping furiously at the sight of Ra'id so close, so  hot, so masculine. 'In fact,' she added, determinedly, 'If there was  only water on tap, this castle would be ideal for my purposes.'

'Then it's a pity you don't have water on tap,' Ra'id observed smoothly,  reminding her never to be off her guard where he was concerned. 'Shall  we?' he invited, gesturing towards the entrance to the living quarters  in the old keep.

She was determined this would not be an emotional re-run of her visit to  her mother's forgotten room, though she was deeply conscious of walking  in her mother's footsteps as Ra'id led the way up the stone staircase  to the main building.

This had to be the strangest experience she'd ever had, Antonia  concluded. She was bursting with emotion at the thought of finally  visiting the place where her mother had been exiled; finding out about  her mother's past was something she had waited her whole life to see and  understand. And here she was at last with the father of her child  walking beside her. It should have been perfect. But this was the same  man who wanted nothing more than to be rid of her. Where Ra'id was  concerned she had a blind spot, Antonia admitted. She could never stop  looking for a sign that he still felt something for her. Keep looking,  she thought as they began the tour of dilapidated rooms.

How terrified Helena must have felt when she had arrived here a virtual  prisoner, Antonia mused, discarded and exiled to the desert where she  could cause no embarrassment to the ruling sheikh, parted from her  child-could anything be more dreadful? And never knowing if she would  ever see her little boy again. How must Helena have felt as she walked  beneath this same cold, stone arch into an austere and forbidding  citadel? A gift of land would hardly heal those wounds.

A glance at Ra'id made Antonia tremble inwardly. When Ra'id discovered  she was pregnant, would he show her any more mercy than his father had  shown her mother? The al Maktabis were warrior sheikhs, and Ra'id al  Maktabi was the fiercest of them all. He thought the gift of this  fortress and the land surrounding it had been a generous pay-off to her  mother, but Antonia knew there were more important things than money and  land. In her opinion there was nothing that could compensate for the  crushing of a human spirit.

So what would she do if she were stranded here?

It was at that point, the same moment as they entered the dark and  dismal building, that Antonia's empathy with her mother's situation  began to waver, and she had to remind herself that Helena hadn't been as  fortunate as Antonia, who had such strong support from a brother who  adored her. It was easy to be strong when you had people behind you to  give you confidence, Antonia reflected, knowing how lucky she was. And  with that strength she would take a fresh look at the citadel, seeing  the positive this time rather than the drawbacks. For instance, the  small windows meant that the fortress would be cool by day, and she  would make it even cooler by installing air-conditioning. The extensive  terracing could be enjoyed in the cooler months, as well as at dawn and  dusk, and if she took on the project she could even make it a practical  memorial to her mother.                       
       
           



       

Would she take it on?

That all depended on Ra'id. Without his water, there was no project. She  had to try the one thing that might touch him where she had failed.  'You've seen the photographs.'

Drawing to an abrupt halt in a shadowy rubbish-strewn hallway, Ra'id interrupted her. 'Photographs?'

'The photographs of the children our charity helps,' she said quietly. 'You saw the album during my presentation.'

'You can't seriously be thinking of bringing those children here?'

'Why not?'

'Do you want a list? And why would you even think of it when I have more  palaces than I know what to do with going begging in the capital?'

'Because I want to do something, maybe? Because I don't want or need  your handouts, Ra'id?' When his eyes narrowed with suspicion, her  passion for the project overflowed. 'If you didn't expect me to make use  of the fortress, why did you bring me here, Ra'id? Was it to teach me a  lesson? Or to show me how inhospitable the place is so I will  relinquish my claim on the land?' She found it impossible to keep the  heat out of her voice.

'I thought you should see for yourself that your mother's legacy is  nothing more than a meaningless sheet of paper-and if you weren't  prepared to listen to me, then bringing you here was the only way I  could make you see the truth.'

'The truth as you see it,' she returned hotly. 'You don't know me at  all, Ra'id-though I can see how it would suit you to bring me here.'

'Suit me?'

'Yes.' She steadied herself by concentrating her thoughts on all those  people who depended on her making a success of this visit. 'I think you  pictured me taking a tearful look around before dejectedly mounting my  pony and riding out of your life for good. Well, guess what, Ra'id? I'm  not going anywhere. I'm going to stay right here.'

'And if you're deported a second time?'

Antonia firmed her jaw. 'If you do that, I'll shame you before the world.'

'You'd blackmail me?' Ra'id demanded incredulously.

'I'll do whatever it takes to see this project through.'

Now she knew she'd gone too far. She was alone with the Sword of  Vengeance in the middle of the desert, where anyone could disappear  without a trace …

'I suggest you consider very carefully what you say next,' Ra'id warned  her in a voice that was all the more menacing for being low and calm.

Antonia held her ground, though she was trembling inside. Ra'id had to  know she was no pushover, and that she would stand up to him, in this  and in all the discussions to come-or else how could she speak up for  her child?

There it was-the most important secret of all, glittering between them  like the Grail. She could see Ra'id some time in the future, holding  their baby, before handing the child back to her.

Was that wishful thinking?

The thought that it might be frightened her more than anything else.  Surely they could come to a civilised arrangement where their baby was  concerned? But was civilised even possible with Ra'id? This visit to the  citadel where her mother had been incarcerated was bound to stir  violent emotion in her, Antonia reasoned. But now she must control her  feelings, concentrate on finding a way to touch Ra'id and convince him  that her plan for the fortress would work if he would only agree to  giving her the water she needed. If he agreed to do that, she could  build the retreat for the charity, as well as a home and a purpose for  herself and for her child.

'I understand why you think the worst of me.'

He looked at her with suspicion, wondering what this new, conciliatory tone heralded.

'But since the pirate attack,' she continued earnestly, 'my priorities have changed.'