Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes(44)

‘She’s up here, Mister! I’ll show ye’s.’ An I shot past Jackser, tryin te make his way up the steps.

‘Ah, it’s fuckin you, ye sleevin, ye! Wait till I get me hands on ye! I’ll teach ye te go runnin off like tha.’

I said te the ambulance men, ‘Hurry! Me ma’s on her own.’ An they followed me up the stairs, shinin a big torch. Jackser was still in the hall, roarin an shoutin somethin, but we ignored him.

When we got te me ma, the door was open, an me ma was on her knees, pantin very fast. ‘It’s here! Fer the love of Jaysus help me!’ The ambulance men pushed me outa the way an told me te go back downstairs. I could see Charlie standin in the doorway of our bedroom. He only had his vest on, an he was cryin. But they wouldn’t let me inta the room te get Charlie. So I sat on the landin fer a minute an then thought I’d be better down at the ambulance. Tha’s wha the man told me te do.

I was just about te move when I heard Jackser comin up the stairs. ‘Sally! It’s me,’ he was sayin. ‘Open the door te throw out a bit of light. I’m breakin me fuckin neck here.’

Me heart was leapin wit fright! I turned aroun an crept back onta the landin an went onta the next landin at the top of the house. An I sat down, keepin very quiet, not makin a sound. I could look over the banisters an see down when they opened the door. Then I’d know wha te do. But right now I’m not goin te let Jackser get his hands on me.

He was bangin an hammerin on the door, impatient te be let in. ‘Who’re you?’ I heard him roar. The man muttered somethin, an I heard Jackser say, ‘Oh! I’m sorry. I’m sorry! Are ye all right, Sally? Poor Sally. Ah, ye’ll be grand, Sally! These gentlemen will look after ye.’ Then I heard me ma give an almighty scream, an me heart stopped. I wanted te run down, but they’d kill me. I started te cry again. Not knowin wha’s goin on. She must be dyin! I stopped cryin te think. If me ma dies, I’ll wait till Jackser goes out, then I’ll take me brother an I’ll go over te the Liberties. I’ll find someone te take us in. Now tha me mind was made up, I was at peace. I wasn’t afraid any more of Jackser.

I must have dozed off on the landin, cos I heard Jackser callin me. I was afraid, but then I remembered, I’m not stayin wit him. So I came down, an Jackser said te me, ‘Yer mammy’s gone te hospital. I’m goin te leave now an walk up there. I have te go te James’s Street, St Kevin’s Hospital, tha’s where they’ve taken her. You get in an mind the other fella, an don’t move outa this room until I get back.’ An he pushed me in the door an slammed it shut behind me. I went inta the other room, an Charlie was fast asleep in bed. I stepped outa me shoes, threw off me coat an fell inta the bed beside me brother. I was out like a light, sleepin the sleep of the dead.

Charlie was cryin an slappin at me te wake up. I shot up in the bed. I looked at him an then all round me. Quiet! I could hear only the quiet. I whispered out, ‘Mammy?’ an listened. No! It wasn’t a dream after all. Me mammy is really gone. Charlie started cryin again. He wanted somethin te eat. I went inta the sittin room an looked aroun the sink. No! The bread is all gone. We’ve nothin te eat. There’s a small sup of milk in the end of the bottle, but Jackser might want tha fer his tea. Better not touch it.

‘There’s no bread, Charlie. I’ll get ye somethin te eat in a minute, when me ma gets back.’ I tried te lift him then te give him a kiss, but he slapped me away an then started te tear his hands through his hair an cry louder. ‘Oh, look! There’s a bird in the sky!’ An he stopped cryin te look up towards the winda. But when he saw no bird, he was really ragin an started te cry even louder. The winda was too high fer me te get a look out, an we’d no chairs, so there was nothin te stand on.

‘Come on, Charlie! I’ll put yer trousers on,’ an he followed me inta the bedroom, still whingin. ‘Ah! They’re all wet, an there’s nothin else! I’ll spread them on the floor till they dry. Come on! We’ll go te the sittin room.’ He followed me in, still cryin. I couldn’t think of anythin else te do. So I sat him up on the bed an sat down beside him. He was cryin an scratchin his head, an lookin aroun him fer me mammy. There was nothin I could do. I looked over at the gas cooker. I wouldn’t be able te work tha. Ye need matches when the fire’s not lightin. An anyway, we’d be blown up. It wasn’t worth it fer the sake of a cup a tea. Then I thought of Jackser’s milk. Maybe he won’t know there was any in the bottle! I jumped up, givin Charlie a fright. ‘It’s all right! Ye’re all right. Look what I have fer ye!’ An I put the drop of milk inta a jam jar an gave it te him. The cups were all smashed. Jackser does tha when he’s drunk. He smashes up everythin. I took the jam jar from Charlie, an he screamed. He wanted me te get him more. ‘All gone!’ I said, holdin me arms out wide. I put the jar in the sink an climbed back on the bed. Charlie was quiet now, an I took his head an put him on me lap an stroked his hair. I was afraid te think of anythin. The worst could happen now if me ma is gone! So me mind just went blank.