Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes(20)

Me heart jumped, an I was delighted. She put me inta a long brown frock. It was a bit big fer me, but it felt lovely an warm. I was well covered, an it had sleeves, an the shoes were grand. Then me ma shoved tilet paper down the toes te stop them fallin offa me. An the coat was green wit a bit a fur aroun the collar an sleeves. I even had a vest an thermal navy-blue knickers! But I had te hold them up, cos they were a bit big fer me, an the elastic in the legs was gone. The only thing I need now is a pair a socks an a hat, cos it’s rainin out. But me ma said we were goin on the bus. I asked her where we were goin an where was the babby, but she just said, ‘Stop askin questions an moidierin me!’ an then she went back te herself. So I kept quiet, cos I didn’t want te annoy her.

When we got off the bus, we walked along a road wit a high wall an huge trees. An then we came te big gates, an me ma went in. We went up a dark road wit big trees keenin in the wind. I didn’t like the look of it, an I was afraid. I held onta me ma’s hand tight an hoped nothin was goin te happen. ‘Ma! Where are we goin?’ I croaked, but she didn’t answer me.

When we rounded the bend, I could see a big house wit a chapel, an there was white pebble stones all round the front, an it made crunchin noises when we walked on it. Me ma pressed the big roundy bell, an a woman wit a hairy chin an a man’s haircut opened the door. Me ma said the Reverend Mother was expectin her, an the woman brought us in an told us te sit down. She left us in the hall, an me ma sat down on a wooden priest’s chair tha kept creakin when she moved. Tha was the only sound we heard. The hall smelled of polish, an ye could see yer face in the shiny black an white floor tiles. There was a big statue of Our Lady holdin the Babby Jesus standin up on a wooden stand, an holy pictures on the walls.

The nun appeared, an me ma jumped up. Me ma smiled at her an said, ‘This is Martha, Sister,’ an the nun said, ‘Good! Follow me.’ We went inta a parlour, an there was a tray wit a pot a tea, an a plate wit ham an tomatoes, an another plate wit bread an butter. Then the nun left an said she’d be back later when we’d finished eatin. Me ma said, ‘Eat tha up,’ an I wondered why it was only fer me.

‘You eat it, Ma! I don’t want it.’ I was feelin sick. ‘Wha’s happenin, Ma? Why’re we here?’

‘Go on! Eat it up before the nun gets back.’

I tried te eat, but I kept lookin at me ma’s face. Her eyes were starin at me, an then she’d look te the door waitin fer the nun te come back. I knew me ma was gone from me. An there was nothin te do but wait. The nun came in an took me hand, an we walked off down the passage. Then the nun stopped an said te me, ‘Wave goodbye to your mammy!’ But I didn’t look aroun, an I didn’t say anythin. I just walked on, holdin on te the nun’s hand. An the life went outa me, an I just shut down. Cos now I was empty.

The nun brought me inta a tiled room wit a big bath tha looked the size of a barge. There were pipes along the walls an sinks. She put the plug in the bath an turned on the tap, an then she told me te take off me clothes. I looked at the steamin water pourin inta the bath, an I got an awful fright. I knew I was goin te drown in tha.

‘Come along, now. Hurry up, get undressed, I haven’t all day,’ the nun said. I was shakin an tryin te get me clothes off, an she went out. I was in me skin, lookin at the water in the bath an shiverin an wonderin how I was supposed te get in when the door opened an the nun came back wit two childre an a big bar a scrubbin soap an a washcloth an towel.

‘This is Josephine and Rose, and they’re going to give you your bath, Martha. Now, these are very nice girls, and you be good for them,’ the nun said te me.

I had me doubts when I looked at them. One looked a bit older than me, about seven, an the other one looked younger than me, about five. As soon as the nun left, I started te cry. But Josephine told me I would be grand an started te cover me in soap. But I pushed away the cloth, an Josephine said, ‘It won’t hurt you. Rose always gets her hair washed, an she loves it. She never cries, do you, Rosie?’ An Rosie nodded her head up an down an agreed wit everythin Josephine said. An they kept smilin, an Josephine kept tellin me I was great altogether. An then we had another long talk, an a fight, before I lay back an let Josephine pour the jug a water over me head te rinse it. An then it was all over. They dressed me in a warm woolly vest, an thick warm knickers, an long brown woolly socks, an a lovely warm frock wit an apron tha went over me head an covered me back. An then the nun trimmed me hair an gave me a fringe, an looked back te admire me. I smelled lovely, an I was gorgeous an warm an squeaky clean, an me brown leather shoes fitted me.