Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes(18)

11


Me ma got te know the neighbours. An two of them are her friends. They dye their hair white an wear lots a lipstick an powder. They gave their childre te another woman te mind, an now we’re all gone down te the North Wall Quay, where the boat te Liverpool docks. Me an the babby an me ma an her two friends wait outside a pub just opposite the boat. They wait fer someone, but he doesn’t turn up, an it’s gettin late. Then a man comes along, an he’s wearin a blue blazer, an his black hair is shiny an combed back wit Brylcreem. He has a black moustache, but he’s very small an has a big belly. The women say te each other, ‘He’s probably a sailor, go on over an ask him.’

The man sees them lookin at him an shouts, ‘Ay, ye’s all right, girls?’ an smiles. The women smile back an shout, ‘Is there any chance of a passage?’ An the man comes over te talk te them. Then he goes off an we wait. After a while, he comes back again an brings us up the gangplank an onta the ship. The two women go off wit some sailors, an the man takes me an the ma an the babby down te a room wit seats all along the walls. He tells me ma te put us on the seats, an we’ll be fine there. Then he tells her te go wit him. She turns te us an says, ‘You stay there, Martha. I’ll be back in a minute!’ An then she goes off. I was a bit worried about bein left alone in a strange place, but I didn’t follow her, cos I couldn’t leave the babby. I sat there waitin, an people started te come inta the room wit their suitcases an sit themselves down. They were givin me odd looks, but nobody said anythin. I wanted te ask someone te find me mammy, but now they were just ignorin me. The babby was curled up beside me, an he was fast asleep. I kept puttin me hand on him te mind him, an I was very frightened.

It was now in the middle of the night, an the other people were sleepin. I kept creepin out an up the stairs te see if I could find her. But I was afraid of gettin lost, an I wouldn’t find me babby. So I kept lookin back te make sure I knew where I was. An when I got te the top of the stairs an turned right, there were crowds an crowds of people, all drinkin an laughin. I couldn’t see anythin, an I was just walkin through people’s legs. They were knockin me down, cos they couldn’t see me, an I was panickin an shovin people’s legs outa the way. I wanted te get back down again te me babby brother an me seat, an I started roarin, cos I lost me way fer a minute. I was runnin aroun tryin te find me way, but nobody would listen te me, cos they were all drunk. I did find me way back down the stairs an found the babby. An I never moved again.

The next mornin, people started te get ready te leave the ship. An when we docked, the people started te leave the room. I started te shake wit fright, cos me ma didn’t come back, an we were goin te be left here. When everyone was gone, I rushed out the door an up the stairs an started screamin, cos everyone was gone an only a man was sweepin up. I ran aroun shoutin fer me mammy, an the man wit the brush came over an asked me where she’d gone. I said she’d gone wit the sailor an she didn’t come back. He took me back te the babby an told me te wait. Then me ma came, an she didn’t look too happy. She gave us nothin te eat or drink. I was hungry an thirsty, an the babby was starvin. But she didn’t bother. We left the ship an walked inta the city. The women went inta a shop an came out wit a bar a chocolate, an they were laughin. I don’t know why, but I didn’t see anyone give money fer the chocolate. Me ma went te Social Assistance, an they gave her the boat ticket te go back te Ireland or they’d put us in a home. So we came home on the next boat.

When we got te our flat, the door was broken, an our stuff was gone. Me ma’s handbag wit all her papers was thrown aroun the room. An some were missin.

‘All me stuff is gone! Me papers are missin!’ An she was in a terrible shock. Any bits an pieces we had left from me granny was all gone. Our clothes were gone, even the babby’s stuff. They took his cot an smashed up our bed. The spring, wit all the spokes stickin up, was thrown against the wall. The teapot an cups an plates were gone. We had nothin left, nothin!

I took the babby an carried him outside, an we sat on the landin. I didn’t know wha we could do. I heard me ma crunchin aroun on the broken china an talkin te herself. ‘I know who’s fuckin responsible fer this,’ she said. An then she marched outa the room. She went past me an down the stairs. I didn’t get a chance te ask her where she was goin, so I picked up the babby an dragged him down the stairs. He was too heavy fer me te carry. I didn’t know where she’d gone, so I kept on goin down, draggin the babby’s legs down the stairs after me. I was afraid I’d drop him on the stone stairs, cos they were very steep, an it was an awful long way down. So I held him tight under his arms, an he was afraid, too. He kept a tight hold on me arms, an he was holdin his breath, afraid te cry.