Loving Lily(55)

This could be good. My mind jolted amazingly alive even at the late hour. Well, this could be brilliantly good if I played my cards right.

“We’re going to be first time parents, Lil. Let’s at least try to make our child’s life as good as possible. Fighting each other won’t get us anywhere. At least for now, I’d like to make a truce to remained civilized to one another.”

Hmmm, I liked that very much.

“Truce,” I murmured, smiling.

“Truce.”

Whatever happened would eventually happen. There was nothing I could do to stop what was meant to occur in my stars. Nothing would ever prepare me to say goodbye to Drake; therefore, I supposed the temporary solution might be the answer to our marriage.

Time would tell.





Chapter 23

Lily



It had been three weeks since we started the new arrangement, and so far, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, it was actually working very well. Of course, there was a huge part of me that yearned for him to move into our own bedroom and into our marital bed. However, seeing as how we hadn’t fought at all, I thought it marked a successful start to the temporary solution we were trying to achieve.

On the nights he wasn’t around and tended to come home late, I tried to hold my tongue by not interrogating him. I supposed I had willed myself to trust—to trust my decision and my heart. Drake had dominated my heart since yesteryears, and I should simply and blindingly trust him. It wasn’t an easy feat, but I would try until I couldn’t any longer.

It was time for Patricia and Hugh’s fortieth anniversary. They were marking the incredible occasion by renewing their vows.

The intimate event was held on a lovely ranch in Malibu, with close friends and family. Basically, the same people I had seen when Drake and I had exchanged our vows. Since the news of our little bun in the oven had spread around, everyone was openly excited for us. From giving us baby advice to how to find intimacy right after pregnancy, it was rather overwhelming to discuss with well-intentioned people. Inside, all I could process was the fright that would come right after giving birth to our child.

My divorce loomed in the horizon. Despite the fact that he and I hadn’t fought in those three short weeks of playing house, there was little progress in trying to attain what I wanted for us.

My wretched fears aside, Patricia and Hugh’s love left me a little sad. I mean, obviously I was happy for them—of course I was—but I couldn’t help it. When I saw them exchanging their vows, all I could see was Drake and I and what our future should look like.

Throughout the night, he was right there next to me, acting as if nothing had happened between us, portraying the perfectly doting husband. It was troubling how easily he could resort back to old ways, while I, on the other hand, had a hard time pulling myself together for appearance’s sake.

Each day that passed, the light inside me dimmed. As much as I wanted to cry and breakdown, I knew I must keep going through the journey, reiterating this had happened because of my own misgivings. If I were to give up now, there would have been no point to any of this. I wasn’t prepared to give it all up, either. Not any time soon.

As a result, even though I found myself crying in the shower sometimes, I had to keep smiling. In my eyes, I could see through the cracks, yet I remained beaming. I learned how to smile through my tears, smile though my heart was shattered. I kept on … smiling. Because, someday, I would eventually smile without any of those painful emotions. Only then would I ever appreciate the meaning of true happiness.

Life was about working hard—in all aspects of our lives. It was a hard lesson I had been forced to learn, though one I wouldn’t dare forget. Therefore, when Drake decided to hold my hand through it all for appearance’s sake, I didn’t decline his offer.

The massive, tented reception was in the open garden surrounded by trees, sunshine, the smell of the ocean, and beautifully scented flowers.

It was a heartfelt occasion that left me teary-eyed and my heart in a much more mangled state than before. I couldn’t deal with the very idea of eating while I lied through my lips, spouting fake claims about how happy Drake and I were. I just couldn’t put myself through the same ordeal that had happened before the quick ceremony began. So, what was I to do?

I simply walked away from the celebration and everyone’s genuinely delight-filled laughs, seeking a quiet place where I could be free from the social restraints of wanting to play the part of being a happily married couple.

Melancholy wreaked havoc in my heart at the sight of Patricia and Hugh and their toast that said they wished with all their hearts that Drake and I would be just as blessed as they were when it came to love and family.