Love Survives(20)

From October until the beginning of November Kat’s calls stopped. I was okay the first week, moody the second, and then a complete mess the third. It made no sense. We hadn’t discussed private affairs or being together. Our mundane conversations would have bored everyone else. We were being friends, like we were before love got in the way.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t care if my brother was standing in the same room, or even if they were in bed. I had to know she was okay because worrying about her prevented me from being able to keep my head in the game at work.

“Brooks, now isn’t a good time.”

“Why haven’t you called me, Kat? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Her short answer allowed me to tell she wasn’t being honest.

“I know you better than that. Did I say or do something that made you mad?”

“No. It’s not you. It’s me.”

“So, I guess we’re breaking up?” I was desperately attempting to make her laugh, even though the idea of her pushing me away was tearing me apart, weakening me yet again. “You can tell me anything.”

“I’m scared.”

“Has he hurt you?” I’d be on the first plane to kick some ass if he had.

“No. Of course not. I guess how I’m feeling is normal.” She may have seen it that way, but I had other opinions. Could she finally be waking up to realize that Branch wasn’t right for her?

“When’s the last time you ate? You know you have to take care of yourself, and you forget to eat when you’re stressed.”

“I’m fine, Brooks. I’ve just been busy and nervous.”

“I worry when you don’t call.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Kat, you know you don’t have to go through with this. You have a choice. You always have. If you aren’t sure about being with Branch for the rest of your life, then don’t do it.” I needed confirmation.

“Why would you think that?” She snapped.

“Isn’t it true?”

“No!” Her quick response only made it more obvious.

“Okay. Whatever you say. I’m just telling you that you’re allowed to change your mind.”

“Why would I change my mind? Do you honestly think I’m in love with you?”

I closed my eyes and imagined that kiss in my bedroom, her tear-filled eyes when we said goodbye, and how desperate she was to get back in touch with me. Something inside of me may have been broken, unrepairable, but I refused to deny what I knew was true. “Yeah. I do.”



After I said it the line went silent. Perhaps I should have dialed her back, but I knew Kat needed to simmer for a while on our conversation. If anything, it had given me hope when I thought all was lost. She was having doubts. Even though some have pre-wedding jitters. I knew Kat’s concerns had more to do with me than Branch. That only verified that the bond between us still existed, and I hadn’t been imagining it all this time. I knew Katy Michaels, obviously better than she knew herself. She chose my brother because at the time, he made her feel safe. I was a rebel, acting out of jealousy, though I couldn’t admit that to her, not back then, and certainly not now.

My mind traveled back to all the times my brother had filled my head with the idea that Kat never wanted me. I wondered if he’d gone to extremes to make sure I didn’t pursue her. Had he lied so that we couldn’t be together because he knew I’d be her first choice?

As the questions began to pile up in my head, so did the fact that I was about to see them after years of being apart. I was going to be able to look into her eyes, to touch her skin, and feel her close to me.

I may have been going there to watch her walk down the aisle with Branch, but I was going to make sure she knew exactly where I stood before that happened. She was going to tell me the truth, once and for all. Best man or not, I couldn’t let my brother win, not if he hadn’t played fair from the beginning. That saying, “cheaters never win,” was true. If he’d lied, he didn’t deserve her.

I realized that I may have been getting excited for nothing. Perhaps my own desperation was making me imagine things that were never there, but if for some reason I was onto something, I had to find out, one way or another.





Chapter 9

Since I was going to be heading overseas after my trip home, my friends threw me a going away party. It wasn’t anything fancy, just beer and the company of my bunk group. I didn’t know why, but my sergeant handed me a journal. When I gave him a curious look, he simply patted me on the shoulder. “Trust me, you’re going to need it. You should prepare yourself. There are things that no person should ever have to see. When I did my three tours in Desert Storm, writing my feelings down was the only thing that helped. I suggest you do the same.”