Love My Pain (Cape Falls Book 6)(13)

“I have whips, chains, dildos, clamps, floggers, canes, you name it. I can bring you pleasure and pain, but only if you want it.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Then it will stop. I don’t do safewords. Just tell me no, and I will stop.”

She nodded. “This is all … so much.”

“It’s a lot to deal with. You have my permission to use the club, and to ask all of the submisives, even the Dominants there for help. I will ask them to provide you with whatever information you need.”

She held onto his hands tightly. “I like this. I saw some videos on the net. I don’t know how accurate they were. Some of the stuff was a little hardcore.”

“It can be. This is just you and me, easy stuff. Don’t stress about anything else.”

He moved her so that they were both sitting on the edge of his bed.

“This is nice,” she said, smiling.

“I like comfort.”

“Me too.” She tucked some hair behind her ear.

“I want you to tell me about your first time?”

“I’m a virgin, Edward. That wasn’t a lie.”

He pressed his lips against hers, smiling. “No. I know you’ve not been with anyone else. I want to know about your first time. When you cut, how you cut, why you did it?”

She licked her lips, and tears filled her eyes. “Please.”

“I need to know.” He reached out, pushing some of her hair off her face. She had removed the band, and the locks cascaded around her face. “You don’t have to be ashamed, or upset. I’m not going to chain you up, not to stop you doing something. We’re not talking play here. This is about what you did. That was my fuck up. I swear I’ll never do anything like that again, unless we’re playing together.”

He watched as she stared past his shoulder, and her face went pale.

“I, erm…” Tears fell down her cheeks, and he wiped them away.

“There’s no punishment here. I only want to understand what is going on.”

She nodded and wiped away some of her tears even as more fell down her cheeks. “I was thirteen. It’s so strange because there are times and dates I don’t even remember, but that day, I’ll never forget it.” She paused, and he watched as she took a deep breath. He held her hands.

This day, whichever day it was, had changed the woman in front of him. At thirteen years old, she had cut, and found something, and had continued to do it until she was twenty-five years old.

“Sophie was born, and there’s six years between us. She was … seven.” She closed her eyes for a second and frowned. “Mom and Dad had been out partying the whole week. I hadn’t seen or heard from them. The upside, the trailer was spotless. I cleaned it every single day. We ran out of food on the Thursday, and I didn’t know what to do. Erm, Sophie, she has never had a filter. I always knew to keep my mouth shut, you know, not tell anyone that I would be alone for days at a time. Usually there was enough food to go around. This time there wasn’t, and erm, Sophie was doing some afterschool activity. I think it was a book club. I knew from a young age she would go to college, and be someone special.” She opened her eyes, and smiled at him. “She always made me so proud. Picked things up easily.” She licked her lips. “So the school put a call through to family services, and within a week, life nearly went to shit. The lady who came to Cape Falls was from the city as there’s not one here. With the city not too far away, there wasn’t a need for one.”

Edward saw the emotion and the fear in her eyes. This was hurting her to talk to him. He held her hands, trying to give her as much comfort as was possible with the touch of his hands.

“Mom and Dad were investigated, and after the lady went away deeming us more than suitable, my parents showed that they provided us with a roof over our heads, food, and we went to school, barely missed much time. We didn’t have bruises of any kind, and they never hurt us. Why would they take us away from parents that were fine? The town of Cape Falls, they don’t like strangers coming in either, and they backed my parents. When she left, my parents, they just … they were so angry, and so disappointed in me. They told me I should have kept Sophie’s mouth shut, that if I needed food then I was to go to the store. They just kept yelling, and ranting, and raving, and everything was just building up, and I didn’t know what to do. What to think, and finally they stormed out of the trailer to go and pick up Sophie because I was so useless. I wouldn’t amount to anything, and I was alone.” Tears were streaming down her face now. “I had a math kit on the table, and I’d been doing circles, and shapes, and stuff.” She paused, and stared off into the distance. “I was so angry, so tired, and so … guilty. Sophie was my responsibility. I should have dealt with her, and I shouldn’t have let her go to school. I couldn’t control what I did. I grabbed the compass. You know the one where you insert the pencil, and has a sharp pointy end?”