Let It Snow(89)

Damn.

He seriously needed to get a grip!

Jake was snapped from his reverie as he heard the opening strains of Pachelbel’s Canon fill the church. Time to focus. He needed to be there for Amy. He couldn’t spend the day thinking about him and Tessa. It would show on his face, and that would take away from the special quality that the day should have. This was Amy’s day, and Matt’s, and Jake was determined not to do anything to detract from it.

As the dramatic strains of the bridal march burst forth from the organ, Jake was momentarily taken aback by the beautiful sight of his sister in her wedding gown being led down the aisle by their father, who was continually pausing to wipe tears from his eyes.

Jake smiled. Yep. He had definitely inherited his tendency to feel his emotions deeply. The apple did not fall far from the weeping tree.

When they reached the altar, the music died down and Pastor Harrison said, “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?”

His father wiggled his brow, a twinkle in his eye. Uh oh, Jake thought, that’s his ‘I have something clever to say’ look.

Amy had apparently made the same observation, because she elbowed their dad in the ribs and gave him a significant look.

“Well, now, let me see,” his dad began, and Amy closed her eyes resignedly. Jake smiled. Their father’s brogue was even more exaggerated than usual, which meant he was playing it up for effect.

Then, thankfully, Jake’s dad said simply, “Her mother and I do.”

Pastor Harrison nodded, a small smile playing on his lips as their dad placed Amy’s hand into Matt’s. From that instant on, her face was glowing, completely focused on Matt, as if no one else in the world existed.

Again, Jake felt a twinge in his chest. He recognized that expression. He had seen it on Tessa’s face in the past, and he knew that he had worn it himself when the two of them were together. He sighed and resigned himself to the fact that he was probably not going to be able to push out all thoughts of Tessa and their relationship from his mind. It was probably naïve of him to have thought he could pull that off in the first place.

He decided instead that his new goal was simply going to be that, no matter how much his “Tessa turmoil” invaded his mind and soul, he was not going to let it show on his face or in his body language. He’d been hiding how he felt from the world for thirteen years. One more day wouldn’t kill him.

Just as he was settling on this new resolution and committing fresh to the idea of controlling his feelings, Karina and Ryan stepped up to a microphone that had been set up to one side of the platform, Ryan with a guitar slung over his shoulder. Ryan began to pick and strum the strings, and then Karina opened her mouth to sing a lovely melody with her beautiful, bell-like voice.

As Jake listened to the lyrics, which were about holding tight to the person you loved and knowing that all would be right with the world as long as they were in your arms, Jake started to feel a new tightening and aching his chest. Shit, the song made him think about Tessa even more than the rest of the ceremony had. He knew it was completely ridiculous to think that the song had any sort of special significance for his relationship with Tessa. Jake was pretty sure that everyone who’d been in love could probably relate to the universal theme, thinking every song written about love was somehow particular and special to their situation.

Still, Jake couldn’t chase away the nagging sensation that this song perfectly captured the intense feeling that passed between himself and Tessa every single time he held her, and it became even more difficult to keep a happy or even neutral expression on his face.

It also became very difficult to stand where he was and stay still, because with every fiber of his being, all he wanted to do was run to the back of the church, scoop Tessa up in his arms, and hold her like the song described, begging her from the bottom of his heart and soul for her to stay. To just…stay.

*

Tessa made the rounds at Amy and Matt’s wedding reception, a—hopefully convincing!—smile plastered firmly on her face and a heart that felt ready to shatter, beating within her chest. Getting through the ceremony had been difficult, especially listening to Karina and Ryan’s beautiful duet rendition of ‘Hold Me Tighter’ with the bittersweet knowledge that Karina had written it about her and Jake.

It was odd, actually, to know that piece of trivia. Tessa had listened to the song so many times in the past, feeling connected to the sentiment but also feeling oddly jealous of the fictional couple in the song.

It’s so simple for them, she had thought to herself. They were so sure of themselves and their love. The couple in this song would never end their relationship in the painful and complicated way that I had to let Jake go. No. They would see a clear path through the pain. They would come out triumphant and stronger than ever.