Let It Snow(87)

“Jake.” Tessa’s voice pleaded as her big blue eyes looked up at him and she shook her head. It felt like a knife was twisting in his gut. He saw it then. There was not going to be any changing her mind. She’d decided both of their fates. This one time, the time that he needed it most, there would be no reasoning with her.

But he still had to try. “I wanted to have a family with you, Tessa. Not anyone else.” His arms flew out. “I’m thirty years old and you are the last girlfriend I’ve had.”

She continued shaking her head. “You would have ended up resenting me or hating me.”

“And you think I don’t now?” Jake wished he could take the words back as soon as they’d left his mouth. He didn’t resent her and he definitely didn’t hate her.

A sad smile lifted on the corners of Tessa’s mouth as she stood and shrugged her shoulders. “No, I know you do. And you may never believe this”—she took in a shaky breath and wrapped her arms around herself protectively—“but I only wanted to do what was best for you. I still only want what’s best for you.”

Jake sat back down. His legs felt unsteady and he didn’t trust them to hold him up. How could she not know that she was what was best for him? He just couldn’t reconcile the things she was saying to him. “Are you honestly going to stand there and tell me that you leaving was really the best thing for me?” He could hear his anger, confusion, and pain bleeding into his voice.

Tessa spoke through the huge tears flowing down her face. “I know that I hurt you, Jake. I see that now more than ever. But can you see that doing what I did, that decision I made, cost me everything? You were my whole world. I walked away from you, from love, from a life that I knew was better than any dream-come-true I could have imagined, because I loved you that much.

“When I left, I willingly chose a broken heart”—she sniffed, her breath catching in her throat—“and a broken life because I truly believed it was the only way that you could have a whole life, a life you deserved…deserve to have. I sacrificed everything I ever wanted so you could have everything you ever wanted. And as painful as it was for me, so painful sometimes I didn’t think I could survive it, I would do it again. For you. I would do anything for you.”

Jake reached out and wrapped his arms around Tessa, pulling her close to him. His face was pressed up against her belly. “Then be with me. Stay in Hope Falls. Marry me. We’ll figure everything else out.”

“I wish it were that simple,” she said softly through broken breaths as her fingers ran through his hair.

Looking up at her, he knew that somehow he had to make her see. “It is that simple. Nothing else matters. You are everything to me. You are my family. If you leave, I’m not going to just meet someone and start a family.”

Tessa shook her head. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do! Tessa, I haven’t wanted anyone since you left.”

Pain slashed through her eyes as her jaw tightened and she pulled away from him. “Don’t, Jake.” The tears were falling faster than they had just moments before. She held up her hand to stop him when he reached out again and tried to hold her. “After everything we’ve been through. Just don’t.”

Again Jake was lost. “Don’t what?”

“You haven’t wanted anyone?” she repeated his words.

“No.” Jake shook his head emphatically.

Tessa tilted her head and crossed her arms in a defensive stance. “Really? Because I came back to Hope Falls two weeks after I left the hospital, before I went to New York, and I saw you.”

“Wait.” Jake stood back up. “You came back?! And you saw me?!”

Tessa’s voice shook as she said, “Yes. You were having sex with some blond girl. In your truck. I saw you.”

“And?” Jake really didn’t know what her point was.

“And it was two weeks after I left.” Tessa’s voice rose with every word she spoke.

He couldn’t believe that she was actually throwing the fact that he’d been with someone else in his face. He was not the asshole here. “So? What’s your point?!”

Tessa’s face flinched like his words had slapped her in the face. Her eyes widened and she shook her head like she couldn’t believe the words that had left Jake’s mouth.

“What’s my point?!” Tessa asked with fury in her voice.

“Tessa, stop.” Jake took a step towards her but she moved away.

“No. My point is you moved on! How long did you wait?! A whole day? Two days?” Her voice kept rising. Lunging at him, she pushed his chest. Hard. “‘You haven’t wanted anyone!” Letting out a forced laugh, she said, “Are you kidding me?! You’re sisters had to buy you new furniture that was ‘slut-free.’” Tessa put up her hands in air quotes. “Just how many girls have you not wanted since the girl in the truck?!” Then she pushed him again.