Killing Kate(59)

I sit and watch Devin bandage my hands as Justin tells Devin about Drake Carroll and Mike Carroll. I can't look at Devin right now. I know he hurts just as much as I do to hear about it. It's his past too, though he wasn't exactly the same type of player, he was still a pawn in Jack's game. He is finished with my hand when I finally get the courage to glance at him. His own fists are clenched and his lips are set in a firm white line. The color has drained entirely out of his face. Justin ignores all of this and tells Devin everything else, including the DVD Drake dropped off the other night at the housewarming. When he is finished telling Devin the whole story, we all sit in silence for a minute. I watch Devin’s face some more, but he doesn’t indicate anything he is thinking, and it’s the worst part. Finally he stands up, walks over to me and kisses me on the forehead. “I love you,” he tells me and walks out of the kitchen. When we hear the front door open and slam shut, I push my chair back from the table quickly and out the front door after him. He is getting on his motorcycle.

“Devin!” I scream over the engine. “Where are you going?”

“To kill Drake Carroll,” he tells me. “And when I'm finished with that, I'll drive to Washington to kill his shithead brother Mike, too.”

“No!” I scream, and try and grab his sleeve but he takes off before I can hold him back or pull him off of his bike. I fall down to my knees and sob into my injured hands. I feel Justin's arms come around me but I shrug him off. “No!” I say. “Get away from me!”

“I'm going after him,” he tells me, stepping back. He looks hurt, but he just walks over to his car and gets in and drives, leaving me alone on the lawn. I'm sure neighbors are watching but I don't care. Instead, I pick myself up and walk back into the house to wait. For what I am waiting for, I have no idea.

“It's a hot mess,” I hear Kate say when I get in the house. She is sitting on the couch, looking smug. I sink down next to her and put my face in my hands. “You knew Devin would react that way, though.”

“Why did you tell Justin?” I ask her. “Things wouldn't be like this right now if you hadn't told him.”

She looks at me and looks sad. “Do you think things were really so good before everyone knew the truth?” she asks me. “You know that's bullshit. A person can't go through life being two people.”

“I'm still two people,” I point out. “You're here now.”

She smiles. “You won’t be two people for much longer. I'm saying goodbye.”

I am shocked. “Why?”

She shrugs. “Maybe there will be a time again that you need me, but I think you've confronted your past and you know what you need to do about it. Maybe Devin will kill Drake Carroll and Mike Carroll and go to jail, but it's all for you. The point is, you know what's happened to you and you have to deal with it. You're allowed to feel angry or sad or shitty or whatever you want to feel, but it's you feeling it now, and not me.”

I nod and realize she's right. There was a reason I put that DVD in the player. “Will you help me with one more thing?” I ask her. She nods and knows what I will ask. “Find the DVD with Mike Carroll.”





Chapter 16


My phone rings, waking me out of a deep sleep. I wake up and feel under my pillow. There's a gun and a DVD there. It took Kate about fifteen minutes to find them for me. Jack had them stashed away in the house the whole time. I’m sure the gun wasn’t legally registered at any point, and I don’t really give a shit. “Hello?” I say in a groggy voice.

“Jenna,” I hear Justin say. He sounds worse than I do. Exhausted. “There's been an accident. You need to get down to the hospital. I've told my mom to come pick you up and drive you. She knows what's going on and will be there in five minutes. I’ll see you here.” He hangs up before I can say anything. I waste no time getting up and finding a purse large enough to fit the gun and the DVD. I can't leave them here. Too much is at stake.

Louisa is waiting outside for me as I open the front door. I don't bother to lock it, since whatever Drake wants is with me and not in the house. “Oh, honey,” Louisa says when I open the door and sit down next to her. “I'm so sorry.” She has been crying, I can tell, and now I panic.

“What happened, Louisa?” I say. “Justin told me there was an accident but that's all he said. What happened? Is Devin okay?” She answers me by bursting into tears and my heart sinks. “Louisa, answer me!” I scream. She is driving already, and I feel terrible for screaming at her but I need to know what's going on. “Tell me what is going on!”