Killing Kate(38)

“Not yet,” Devin replies. “But it’s early.”

“Okay, this is nuts,” Justin says, looking at us back and forth. “But it seems like you two are used to it.”

Devin shrugs. “It’s been awhile since I’ve experienced Kate, but it’s like seeing an old friend. And old friend you don’t particularly like, but at least I know what to expect.”

“Great,” I say. “And what exactly went down while I was…gone?”

“Well let’s see,” Justin says. “Kate challenged us to strip poker, danced on a table, did fourteen tequila shots, went to the bar and rode a mechanical bull, then came back home and hemmed all of Devin’s jeans.”

“Really?”

“No.” Justin smiles. “Actually it was more like six hours of chain smoking and trash talking. Devin and Kate had a long chat about you while I was out of earshot.”

“I see.” I cast Devin a harsh look but he doesn’t catch my eye. I see we will be having that conversation later. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Justin says quickly. We both look at Devin and he continues to watch the game and drink a beer. He’s ignoring me now, I guess. I sigh dramatically.

“I’m going to have a cigarette,” I say, standing up, glancing at Devin who doesn’t say a word. Justin follows me onto the porch. I light up. “I’m really sorry you had to see that.”

“I’m not,” he says, sitting down and watching me. “Watching you…as Kate, it was definitely a learning experience.” He watches me smoke some more. “I’m sorry for what we did, or said. I guess that set you off.”

“I’m embarrassed you had to see that side of me,” I admit. “I know you’re close to Devin and you’re an old friend, but it was hard enough to tell you about her. Knowing about Kate is one thing. To experience her firsthand…I worry about everything she does and what she might do to potentially ruin my life. I worry about her making you hate me. Especially when it’s not me, so to speak.”

“Jenna, I don’t think any less of you because you have a bizarre version of yourself that is the polar opposite of you,” Justin tells me. “It gave me a better understanding of what you have to deal with. And I’m sure you don’t want to hear this, but seeing Kate does give me a lot of insight into you. Surprising to hear, but I don’t hate you for it.”

“I’m glad, I suppose,” I say. I don’t really know what to say.

“On that note, I think you do need to consider what Devin wants,” Justin says. “This whole experience is taking a toll on him. He’s hurting from it.”

“I know,” I reply. I take a long drag and stash my butt in the ashtray that we stole from the outside of TGIFriday’s. It’s one of those tall ones that drops into a metal container with a slight “clunk” sound. It will take a while to fill completely. “But he knew what he was getting into when he moved in with me.”

“He did,” Justin agrees. “But maybe talking to someone else wouldn’t be the end of the world.”

I’m on the verge of another meltdown. Justin is really good at making me feel like Devin’s right and I’m a shitty person who can get help. I take a deep breath and choke back what would be a sob. As a result, I get hiccups. “Shi-it,” I say. “I need a glass of wa-ater.”

Justin stands up and turns toward the door, whirls around and grabs me by the waist. He pulls me in and kisses me, hard, taking my breath away. I pull him toward me. His lips are soft and warm and his shoulders and arms envelop me. I bring my arms around his shoulders and he breaks the kiss, but I don’t let go of him. “Stay with me tonight,” I whisper, looking up into his green eyes. They’re darker than usual in the eerie porch light.

He pulls my head down and holds it against his chest. “Hiccups gone?” I nod. His hands wrap themselves in my hair and pull gently. My face tips up toward his and he looks directly into my eyes. “You’re beautiful,” he tells me, “when you’re yourself.”

“And when I’m not?”

“You’re still beautiful,” he replies. Then he smiles. “But you scare me.”

“I scare myself,” I agree. “So can you stay?”

He shakes his head. “Not tonight,” he tells me. “I need to work in the morning and I think Devin needs to talk to you.” I clearly appear to be disappointed. “I’m not jumping into bed with you when you’re vulnerable,” he tells me. “Besides,” he continues, “I’d like to plan a night out with you.”