Just a Little Crush(74)

“I thought nothing could go wrong as long as I did things right. I’d never cheat on you. I’d never walk out on you either. I tried to not make mistakes, yet I still fucked it up.” He pressed his finger to his chest. “Pain I’ll wear forever here.”

He pulled me back down. “I’m beyond drunk right now. I seriously can’t keep my eyes open. Please lie with me.”

He curled around me again and I lay perfectly still, unable to accept the fact I was now nothing more than a painful memory tattooed onto Ryder’s chest.

—

Early the next morning, I slipped free of Ryder’s arms. He’d held me all night, never letting go, while I slept restlessly. The bed groaned as I sat on the edge and slipped my shoes on. I tiptoed to the door and glanced back. Ryder’s arm lay across the empty spot where I’d been. My gaze traced his hand splayed across the sheet, the lines of his forearm, the perfect contours of his biceps and finally his jaw, lips and eyes. They were open and he watched me in return.

The urge to launch myself into his bed, wrap his arms around me and be buried in all that was Ryder almost overtook me.

But I was a memory and he was my past.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and placed my hand on the knob. Ryder tore his gaze away and turned toward the wall. And like that we were no more.





Chapter Seventeen


The next week of school was the longest on record. Each day dragged. Nights brought no relief since I’d spent more time torturing myself with mental rehashing than actually sleeping.

I missed Ryder.

Mason arranged our spring break plans, which to my surprise involved Fallon’s friends Leena and Mel. He tried to get me excited about it and I was glad that I’d know someone other than him there. But it was hard enough to motivate myself out of bed every morning. Packing for a week at the beach held little appeal. Once I got there it’d be a nice break. I’d have fun. Or at least I’d try.

Friday, Fallon and I went bikini shopping. She’d convinced me shopping for my trip would somehow change my life. She seemed to think skimpy clothes were the answer to all the world’s problems.

Fallon craned her neck to get a good look in the dressing room mirror at the black bikini with tiny pink polka dots. “I kind of love this one. What do you think?” she asked.

“You look hot,” I offered then sipped my iced coffee.

“Wow. So enthusiastic.”

I had to get over my mood. I was awful company. Fallon was an awesome friend to put up with me. “I’m sorry. You really do look good. It’s flattering and the style suits you.”

“Thanks.” She sucked in her already flat stomach, exhaled and poked at her hip. Frowned, then glanced at me. “Look, you’ve had a week to mourn. Next week it ends. Understand? You’re going to have fun.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Now go find yourself a super-sexy bikini while I try on the rest of these.” She made a shooing motion as she stepped back into her fitting room.

I wandered out and flipped through the rack. I found a navy bikini with white stitching that was pretty cute and searched for my size.

“Brinley, right?”

I looked up and found myself staring at Paige, who was even prettier up close. I was seriously glad she was Ryder’s sister because otherwise I’d be all sorts of jealous. I nodded and glanced around. Every time I’d seen her, she’d been with him. I couldn’t decide if I was relieved or saddened to find her alone this time.

“Hi, I’m Paige. Ryder’s sister.” She swapped the bikini she held into her left hand and stuck out her right.

I shook it then tucked my hair behind my ear. “Nice to meet you.”

Her top lip, which was slightly fuller than her bottom one, covered her teeth when she smiled. “I’ve been dying to meet the girl who has my brother all worked up.”

I frowned. Wasn’t that kind of the other way around? “I didn’t mean to get him worked up.” My cheeks heated and I stared at the ground. “Things got crazy. He screwed me. I mean, fucked me. Shit.” I rubbed my head and mumbled, “I swear he makes me crazy. I used to be able to have normal conversations with people. Now I ramble sexual innuendos to practical strangers.” I snapped my mouth shut to end my idiotic rant.

She laughed. “You’re a nice change from the girls who fawn all over him. I like you. And I can see why he does too. Which is why I want to tell you something. He’ll kill me if he knew I was telling you this, but come on, I ran into you here. How can that be a coincidence? It’s divine intervention.” She grinned, glanced around, then leaned forward. “Don’t get me wrong, the website was bullshit. Misogynistic crap, as far as I’m concerned, so I’m not defending his involvement, but I will say he went to some great extremes when it came to you. He went to our stepdad.”