Just a Little Crush(73)
“Until me.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s not a bad thing. Noah’s a spoiled rich kid. He’s used to getting his way and is as ruthless as his dad. It didn’t affect me, so I didn’t care. But when he involved you, that changed. You didn’t come between us. I just got sick of his shit, and no way would I stand around while he dicked you over.”
While setting the photo on the nightstand, I made the mistake of looking at Ryder. The way he watched me caused pressure to build in my chest. It hurt, but only because I still cared. And hearing the things he’d said tonight aggravated the ache he’d created.
He reached over and grasped my arm, gently urging me down next to him. “You can’t walk home alone. Stay with me.”
I pulled upright. “I can call Fallon or Mason.”
He sighed. “You can still hate me in the morning, but please, just stay with me tonight. I never got my last night with you. I always thought I’d have another day. Just one more night. Please.” He pulled me down again.
“Ryder—”
“It’s just sleep. Honest. I’ve never lied to you and don’t plan to start now.”
He curled himself around me, and my resolve faltered. It felt good to disappear into him. Just dissolve into his arms.
“And Brinley, nothing I said tonight was a lie. I know hearing those words made you angry, so I won’t say them again, but I meant what I said. My biggest regret is I didn’t say them sooner. I came so close that night at my mom’s house, but I was worried what you’d think, so instead I tried to show you, make you feel it, but that was chickenshit on my part. I should have just said it before all this happened. So you’d know. So you’d believe me now.” He tucked his face into my hair and took a deep breath. “I’d do anything to protect you, including walk away. So tonight we sleep, and tomorrow you can pretend you never met me.”
That was the right thing to do, so why did the thought make me feel like I’d been gutted? My lip quivered and I held my breath, terrified an ugly cry loomed. It’d be a nasty, snotty one too. I sniffled but held it together.
Ryder stiffened and forced me to roll toward him. “Don’t cry, Brinley.”
“I’m not.”
He rubbed his thumb on the corner of my eyelid, smearing dampness across my temple.
Dammit.
“Tell me what to do. Please. I can sleep on the couch. Or do you want your friends to come get you? I’ll call them. Just tell me what you need right now. Please don’t cry though.”
Tell him what I need? Where to start? I wanted to rewind time. “Dammit, Ryder, I want you to be the person I thought you were. I want my life fixed.” I shoved his chest. “I want to love you back.”
He winced as I sat up. He’d also flinched at the bar when someone touched his chest.
“Why did you do that?”
“Do what?”
I leaned forward and tugged the hem of his cotton T-shirt. He grabbed my wrist and halted me. With my gaze locked on his, I broke free and pushed his shirt to his shoulder. He looked away.
On his chest was a bandage.
“What’s this?”
He shrugged with an almost overdone level of casualness. “Got some new ink.”
“Can I see it?”
When he didn’t answer, I carefully peeled up the tape on one corner and exposed his tattoo. It looked fresh and slightly reddened around the outline, probably only a couple hours old.
He brushed my hand away while mumbling something about how he was supposed to have taken the bandage off, but had been too drunk to remember.
“You added another bird?” I asked.
He yanked his shirt back down. “Yeah.”
“Why?”
“I like pain, remember?” He smirked
I kept my gaze fixed on him in a silent plea for answers.
“It hurts less out here.”
The birds represented his pain? Oh my God. Pain escaping out of the rip in his chest. From his heart?
“Why the new bird?”
“You know why.”
“Because of this mess? Because it hurts to be involved in the whole website scandal?”
“No, Brinley, I don’t care about what could have happened with the paper. It hurts because I lost you.” He shook his head. “You want to know why I didn’t do the girlfriend thing? It’s simple. My heart was broken the day my dad walked out on my mom. I thought happiness didn’t exist. There was no such thing as forever. Then Mom met Jeff. For a brief moment, we were happy. He could never replace my dad but he put a smile on her face. He treated me like his own son. He brought our family back together. Then I caught him cheating, and every shred of hope I’d had disappeared. My heart broke for my mom. For the life she’d never have with him. That day, I gave up on relationships. Until you.