Just a Little Crush(45)

“What happened?”

“As she likes to say, he wanted to trade her in for a younger version.”

Ryder tilted his head and stared at me for a moment. The color drained from his face as realization set in. “You.”

I stared down at the lavender polish on my nails. Why had I shared that with him?

Ryder’s voice went low. “Did he ever—”

“No. God, no. He just had a wandering eye. Made some inappropriate comments. Nothing ever happened.”

Chills ran up my arms as memories surfaced…like the way he’d watch me. It always unsettled me, but I dismissed it as my own personal dislike for him. Then the comments started when no one was around to hear them except me. And it was never what he said, but the way he said it that made me uncomfortable. I was embarrassed to tell Grandma, which was dumb on my part; I know that now. It’s just some part of me honestly hadn’t understood how a man twice my age would ever see me like that. Especially when he had Mom. Back then, before the alcohol took its toll, she was vibrant and beautiful. Now I realized he’d been pushing the boundaries and my silence empowered him. Sometimes, when I thought back, the fear overtook me. What would have happened had Grandma not been around the day he pushed it too far?

Ryder snapped me from my thoughts. His gaze was fixed on me as he asked, “You don’t think your mom blames you though, do you?”

“Not outright. But remember, I’m the one who stole her youth. When she sees me, she sees a younger her. I’m the girl she wasn’t able to be. I think she hates me for that.”

He shook his head. “All moms love their kids. She doesn’t hate you.”

“Maybe not when she’s sober. Unfortunately, that’s not often. She likes giving me little reminders when she’s drunk. After Mike left, she hit bottom, never rebounded. At first I thought she was just drinking away the sadness from the breakup, but it’s like something snapped. She spent more time drunk than sober. Until eventually it was just who she was. It became her identity. I was embarrassed to have friends over. Always on edge, worried to say the wrong thing and set her off.” I shook my head and hugged my arms around my waist. “From the time I turned sixteen, I couldn’t wait to get out of my house and go to college. I didn’t want to leave Grandma but I couldn’t be in that house anymore. I couldn’t keep making Mom miserable. Without me around, things are easier for everyone. I don’t want to make Grandma’s life harder than it needs to be.”

“Shit, Brinley. Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“Because I’ve never really told anyone,” I admitted.

Ryder’s eyes softened and his gaze flicked to my lips then back up. “My stepdad cheated on my mom. I went home one day to pick up some of my stuff. No one was supposed to be there. But he was. Fucking some girl on the couch.”

My jaw dropped.

“Worst part, she was one of Paige’s friends. The asshole hadn’t even been married a year to my mom and he was screwing a girl young enough to be his daughter.”

“Oh my God. What did you do?”

“Went into a blind rage. I broke shit. Including his nose.”

“What did your mom do?”

“Nothing. Because she doesn’t know. I can’t tell her.”

“What? Why?”

“She signed a prenup. If they divorce she gets nothing. And, the jackass was quick to remind me, Mom doesn’t work. He owns their house. He pays for her car. All the bills. She’s totally dependent on him. Just the way he wanted, I’m sure. It was his idea for her to quit her job.” He shook his head. “He also pays my tuition. Mom thinks he’s some great man for doing it, but I know it’s hush money.”

“That’s awful.”

He shrugged. “I don’t want to ruin her life but I hate carrying this around. I decided the best thing to do is use that asshole to get my degree, make some money and support her myself. With my help, she can get back on her feet and away from him.”

“Do you think he’s still cheating on her?”

“I don’t know.”

“Does anyone else know?”

He shook his head. “We put on a good show when Mom’s around. Before I caught him cheating, he and I got along pretty well. My stepbrother resented me for it, but now he senses something’s up and couldn’t be happier. He thinks I’ve had some sort of fall from grace, but really it’s his dad who has. I don’t care what he thinks though. He’d find a way to turn it on me. Always does.”

“Sounds like our families both suck.”