Just a Little Crush(43)

I bolted from the bed. “Shut up. Please. Shut up.” My face burned and I couldn’t even begin to make eye contact with him. “I need…I’m going…” I glanced at him as he tucked his hands behind his head and grinned. “Ugh, I’ll be right back.”

I snatched my makeup bag off my bookshelf and rushed to the community bathroom. My disheveled hair stood higher on one side of my head than the other. I groaned and yanked my brush through it. Once I’d managed to coerce it into a slightly less embarrassing state, I slathered toothpaste on my toothbrush and scrubbed my teeth. The residual taste of alcohol was disgusting. I spit, rinsed and brushed once more, all while trying to avoid the flashbacks torturing my mind.

Images of crawling into Ryder’s lap, begging him for sex, made my already upset stomach somersault. How could I face him? Maybe he’d be gone when I returned to my room. After stalling as long as I could, I headed back.

Ryder sat on the bed, fully dressed, with his phone in his hands. “Hey.” He smiled as I walked in.

I turned away from him and placed my bag on the shelf. “I’m sorry. About last night,” I whispered.

“Seriously? You’re apologizing. About last night.”

I glanced over my shoulder. “Yeah. I shouldn’t have acted like that.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about. Though I may be sorry. I’m starting to think it was a one-time offer.” He grinned and my face heated. “I’m kidding, Brinley. You were drunk. It happens. We say things we may not mean. I’d never take advantage of you like that.”

Oh, but I meant it. I wanted Ryder. In a way I’d never wanted another guy. But he sure didn’t have a problem resisting me. “Why?”

“Why what?” He narrowed his gaze.

“Why didn’t you? I’ve seen you mess around with drunk girls. Why not me?”

“Wow.” He stood and shook his head. “Regardless of your very low impression of me, I don’t take advantage of drunk girls. Sure, I mess around with them and, yeah, sometimes I have sex with them, but they know what they’re getting into. They know it’s casual and they don’t expect more from me.”

“So that’s it. You think I’m naïve. You think that I expect some kind of life commitment from you just because we have sex.” I crossed my arms.

He made a grunt of annoyance and shook his head. “No, Brinley, I don’t think you expect that. I think you deserve it.” He opened my door and glowered at me. “And I’m glad you think so highly of me in return.” He slammed the door.

I flung it back open and leaned out. “Ryder.”

He paused but didn’t turn around.

“I do think highly of you. Probably more so than you think of yourself.”

He shook his head, never turning to me. “Sadly, Brin, that doesn’t mean much.” He walked off, leaving me alone in the hallway.

Several hours later, I was still curled in bed when Fallon walked in. She tossed her stuff onto her desk chair and plopped onto her bed. “I feel like shit.”

“Me too.” Though a bit hungover, I mostly hated myself because of my conversation with Ryder. He was a good guy. I truly believed that and trusted him, but how could I convince him of that?

“Did you at least hook up with Ryder?”

“If by ‘hook up’ you mean sex, then no.”

“Wow, that guy has it bad for you.”

“Um, I said we did not have sex.”

“Exactly. He stares at you like he wants to eat you for breakfast, lunch and dinner, yet he still hasn’t had sex with you. I thought for sure last night would be the night, considering you were drunk and willing.”

“I kind of thought so too.”

“So, you do want to have sex with him.” She grinned.

“Of course. He’s hot. But it’s more in theory. When it comes down to it, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. And I’m scared I’ll just be another girl on his list. If we have sex, then what? He moves on to the next girl. I can’t do that. I—I like him too much.”

“What makes you think he’ll move on?”

“It’s Ryder. He’ll move on.”

“Then why hasn’t he already? If all he wanted was sex, why doesn’t he just find it somewhere else?”

“Who says he’s not?” Jealousy soured my stomach.

“Maybe. But I’m willing to bet he isn’t. I haven’t seen him with a girl since you two started talking. Didn’t you say he’s always with a girl? Well, when was the last time you saw him with one?”

“The night I went over to his suite to see Noah.” The night he told me he didn’t want Cassidy in his bed. The night he chose me. But could that really mean he hadn’t been with another girl since? I shook my mind clear. “I’m sure he does things I don’t know about. He has a life outside of me.”