Just The Way You Are(95)

There had been little time for reflection. They'd been busy answering the phone, receiving casseroles and desserts and filling out forms. Alli wasn't sure when it would all sink in—maybe today, when they spread her grandmother's ashes across the sea that she could never bear to leave.

William met her at the end of the dock, standing away from the others in a stark black business suit. He'd lost weight, and there was a bleakness to his eyes that she would never forget. When she reached him, she gave him a hug, blinking back the perpetual moistness that claimed her eyes every time someone looked at her with sympathy.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"Never again," he said gruffly. "But somehow I'll go on. We all will." He paused. "I'm not going out on the boat with you."

"You're not?"

"No." He looked out at the sea, then back at her. "I never thought this was where she wanted to be, just where she had been forced to live. In other words, I thought she grew where she was planted," he said, repeating her grandmother's favorite phrase. "Now I know that this was where her heart was always. The last few months, I'd been begging her to marry me. I told her I could give her a mansion in Philadelphia or a mountain retreat in Colorado, but all she ever wanted was her house by the sea."

"I'm sorry. I know what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back the way you want, the way you hope." She took a deep breath. "I think Grams did love you in her own way."#p#分页标题#e#

"The only way she could," he agreed. "But I can't go out on that ocean with you. This was her place. Hers and John's. It wasn't mine. It wasn't meant to be. I hope you won't think me disrespectful, but I need to go home now."

"I understand. You've been a tower of strength for all of us. I just wish it didn't have to end this way."

"So do I. Good-bye, Alli. Take care of yourself and your family." He started to leave, then stopped. "I don't regret loving Phoebe, even though she thought it was a huge waste of my life. She never understood that loving her made me happy, that in a way it was enough for me." He paused, sending her a very direct look. "I don't expect it will ever be enough for you. If Sam doesn't love you enough, find someone who will. You deserve it. Don't sell yourself short."

"I won't," she promised. Alli watched him walk away, then took a deep breath and headed for the boat. Sam took the urn out of her hands as she stepped on board. Jimmy gave her a smile and a hug. Jimmy had been great the past few days, taking care of Megan, making sure they all ate, even making them laugh. Alli wished Grams could have met Jimmy. She felt sure Phoebe would have liked him.

"I'm thinking maybe I should stay on dry land and wait for you," Jimmy said to her as Sam started the engine and Tessa began to explain to Megan exactly what they were going to do.

"No, you should come."

"I'm not family."

"You're a friend, a good friend. Please come."

"Well, I'd like to be here for Tessa."

"Then stay." Alli walked over to Megan and picked her up in her arms. "How's my baby?"

"I'm okay, Mommy."

"She's just like you," Tessa told Alli. "A million questions, and she keeps asking me each one in a slightly different way until she gets the answer she wants."

"That's my girl."

"Everyone ready to go?" Sam asked.

Tessa looked at Alli. "We're really going to do this, aren't we?"

"It's what she wanted," Alli replied.

"I can't believe we're spreading her ashes on the Fourth of July, on her wedding anniversary. She was supposed to be home today."

"I think she is home," Alli said softly. "I think she's with Grandpa."

Tessa nodded and slipped her arm around Alli's waist as Sam took the boat out to sea. It was a bright, beautiful, sunny day, the kind of day when anything seemed possible. The wrong kind of day to bury someone, Alli thought somberly. Or maybe, as the minister had told her earlier, maybe the angels were celebrating Phoebe's coming-home party.

Finally, Sam cut the engines and they drifted on the waves, Tucker's Landing a beautiful harbor behind them, the rest of the world waiting on the horizon.

"Do you want to say something?" Sam asked Alli.

"Grams didn't believe in funerals. She didn't want any ceremonies, no long speeches, no public farewells. So I guess we'll just say, So long, Grams, we love you." And Alli let the ashes fly with the breeze as they sailed across the water and toward a new future.

* * *

They weren't going to participate in the kite festival, but upon returning to the docks they found half the town waiting for them, a picnic lunch set up at the park in lieu of the memorial service Phoebe's lifelong friends knew she didn't want. But they were all there to talk about her, to celebrate her life along with the Fourth of July.