Just The Way You Are(94)

In the minutes that it took to get to the hospital, Alli went through a hundred different emotions, but the one she kept coming back to was fear. Phoebe couldn't die. They'd found the pearl. It was supposed to make everything all right.

Somewhere between the parking lot and her grandmother's room, Tessa took her hand, and Alli clung to it like a lifeline.

Dr. Price stopped them outside the door to Phoebe's room. His face was a picture of compassion, of pity, of sympathy. Oh, God!

"I'm sorry," Dr. Price said. "Phoebe had another stroke. A massive one this time. And her heart stopped. She didn't make it."

"She didn't make it? What does that mean?" Alli asked wildly. "How could she not make it? She was getting better. You told me she was getting better. She was going home on Monday. I don't understand. She's not dead. She can't be dead. I have to see her."

"Alli," Sam said softly, putting his arm around Alli's shoulders. "She's gone."

"No. No." Alli looked into his eyes and saw the truth but she didn't want to believe it. "I didn't say good-bye. She can't go until I say good-bye." Alli turned her head and saw Tessa frozen in place, staring at the door to her grandmother's hospital room with an expression of pure terror.

Alli slipped away from Sam and put her hand on Tessa's arm. Tessa looked at her in confusion. "Why is this happening, Alli?"

"I don't know," Alli said shakily.

"You can both go in if you want," Dr. Price said quietly. "Mr. Beckett is with your grandmother now, so whenever you're ready…"

Alli glanced back at Sam. He nodded in encouragement. "I'll wait here for you."

She took a deep breath and entered the hospital room. It was dark, not only from the closed blinds but because the bright lights that had disturbed her grandmother so were now dimmed in respect. William rose from the chair when he saw them, his eyes anguished, his hands trembling as he put his arms around both of them.

When he released them, Alli looked over at her grandmother, lying flat in the bed, so still, so pale. Her heart broke and the tears streamed down her cheeks. "Oh, Grams," she whispered. "I wanted to tell you that I love you, but now you're gone, and I can't." She sat down on the edge of the bed and kissed her grandmother on the cheek, shocked by the coolness of her skin.

Tessa came around the other side of the bed, keeping some distance between herself and Phoebe. "She looks like she's sleeping, like she might wake up any second and tell us that she can't die yet, because…" Her voice broke.#p#分页标题#e#

"She hasn't finished counting the stars," Alli said with a sob.

"She told us it would be all right," Tessa said in confusion. "Why isn't it all right, Alli?"

Alli shook her head. "I don't know. I miss her already. Oh, God! I can't believe she's gone." She took a breath, feeling overwhelming sadness. "I can't believe I'm never going to talk to her again. She's never going to walk into her house or kiss Megan or pick a flower in her garden or tell me to stop acting so childishly. I wanted her to see that I've changed, that I've grown up."

"She knows that, Alli. She knew us better than we knew ourselves."

Alli looked into Tessa's eyes. "How can we go on without her?"

"We just will," Tessa said helplessly.

The clock ticked off another loud minute. It was the only sound in the room, a painful reminder that they had been too late.

"I thought the pearl would save her somehow," Alli said. "But instead I think it set her free. That's why she gave it to Sam. She must have known, must have felt something."

"That's why she sounded like she was saying good-bye to us earlier. She didn't want to scare us but she wanted us to know that she loved us," Tessa said.

"I feel so alone, so terribly alone."

"You're not alone." Tessa held out her hand across the bed and Alli took it. "I'm here."

Alli squeezed Tessa's hand. "Thank God. We can't forget that we're sisters, Tessa. We share more than just blood and memories. We share love. And we are better together than we ever were apart." Alli looked down at Phoebe, feeling a deep and penetrating sorrow. "If Grams taught us anything, she taught us that."

* * *

Two days later, on the Fourth of July, Alli walked down the pier toward the boathouse where Sam, Megan, Tessa, and Jimmy waited for her and the silver urn she carried in her hands. It felt strange to be carrying her grandmother's ashes, but then the past forty-eight hours had been surreal as they had dealt with the business aspect of death all the while being frozen with grief and despair.