CHAPTER 1
ELEVEN DAYS AGO I met a man with strong, beautiful arms and salt-and-pepper hair. Robert Dade. We were in Vegas and he bought my attention with a smile. We talked, first at a blackjack table, then at a bar, and later in his hotel room.
I should have thought of Dave when Robert sat down by my side. Dave, the man who I’ve been dating for six years, the man who wants to make me his wife. I should have remembered my commitments before I opened my body for Robert on that Vegas night. But Robert, he unleashed an animal from within me, one that clawed his back and bit his neck. I didn’t know what kind of beast it was. I didn’t understand the chaos it could unleash.
And yet that chaos had been so sweet. Like ice cream after a lifetime of dieting.
How many times have I tried to say good-bye to Robert Dade? In Vegas, in his Santa Monica office, on the screen of my computer . . . every time I’ve ended up breathless, naked, caressed by his eyes and his hands. All he has to do is say my name, Kasie. . . . That’s it. That’s all it takes to make me tremble. “Kasie,” he whispers and I throb.
Robert thinks I’m strong. He says he wants to free me from my self-imposed confines. He says he wants to walk by my side on the beach, have dinner with me, and celebrate the little pleasures that make up our lives . . . together.
He says he cares for me, not the woman who I like to show to the world, but the woman who lays underneath all that, the woman who refuses to be suffocated with the expectations of others.
He told me all that as we stood on his boat.
In my mind I’m still on that boat in that moment. Yes, that’s the reality I choose to believe in. I give Robert my hand and he whispers words of reassurance. He tells me we can be together and no one needs to be hurt. We’re just two people; we don’t have the power to conjure deadly storms or turn the whole universe inside out. We’re just two people falling in love.
He tells me we can run away, just for a little while, and that when we come back, everything will be set as it should be. I’ll still have my position at the global consulting firm where I’ve steadily risen through the ranks; my career path will still be assured. He will still be the CEO of Maned Wolf Securities, my firm’s biggest account. We will work together, play together, be together.
We don’t have to feel the pain of guilt and consequences. Only pleasure. As if to demonstrate that, he reaches out to me. Brushes my cheek with his hand. Hands that are gentle and rough.
He’s built things with those hands, delicate woodwork and powerful companies. He runs those hands through my hair and tugs just slightly.
“Kasie,” he says, and the cage is opened.
I feel his mouth on mine as his fingers slip between my legs applying just a little pressure . . . just there against my clit. The fabric of my clothes feels flimsy and weak against the heat that we generate. I wonder if I’ll take them off or if they’ll just melt away on their own.
But Robert answers the question when he pulls my shirt from me, cups my breasts, pinches my nipples as they strain against my bra. We’re on the deck of his boat, docked in a slip in Marina Del Rey. People can see us. I can feel their eyes as they shift from the ocean to the fire. They’re watching him undress me, watching him touch me and I just don’t care.
Because I’m with Robert. Because I know that when I’m with him, I’m safe.
He pulls me to him as he gently sucks on the curve of my neck. I can feel his erection press against my stomach; I feel myself getting wet as I anticipate welcoming him inside. People are watching as I pull off his shirt and reveal a perfect body, hard and chiseled with the artistry of a sculptor. People are watching as he opens my bra and lets it drop to the deck.
I lay back on a deck chair . . . had that been there on the boat?
It doesn’t matter. In the reality I choose, it’s there and I can recline all the way back, half naked, inviting him to take me here in plain view. Let them watch. Let them take pictures for all I care. None of them matter. This is my world; I choose what rules are to be followed and which will be burned. I lay on this chair and I smile as I feel Robert’s fingers working on the buttons at my waist, smile as I feel him pull my pants off me, gasp as his fingers brush against my soaked panties.
“She’s magnificent,” a man murmurs. He’s all the way over at the end of the pier, but I can hear him perfectly. He’s never seen anyone like me. He’s never seen someone consumed by this kind of passion and power.
I watch as Robert pulls off his belt, his eyes never leaving mine. He is oblivious to our audience. He sees only me, the woman he wants, the animal he’s unleashed.