“Oh God,” I say again and then quickly cover my mouth.
But Robert takes away my hand, holds my arm captive as he brings his eyes to mine once again. “Try to lie to me now, Kasie. Try to tell me it’s him who you want and not me.”
I try to look away but I can’t quite make myself do it. I feel his erection against my stomach, rigid and strong. I bite my lip so hard I can taste blood but even that isn’t enough to silence me as his thumb moves up to caress my clit.
It brings me over the edge. Another cry, a little louder this time. I don’t care who hears. I can’t care. I have no awareness of anything that isn’t Robert or me.
I grab him by his open shirt. “I want you. Make love to me, Robert.”
“Yes.” His voice is a growl of pure desire. “But you have to leave him. I want to make love to you knowing you’re mine.”
I close my eyes, my erratic breathing makes speech difficult. “Just make love to me. Please.”
“Promise you’ll leave him.”
His hands are still stroking me, gently now, keeping me in the folds of passion but holding me back from another complete release.
“I . . . can’t.”
And with that he lets go of me. In an instant he’s across the room as I remain pressed against the wall, gasping for air. Instinctually I extend my arm toward him, as if for balance but he’s out of my reach.
He’s out of reach in every way.
“I thought you were through with betrayal,” he says quietly.
My pants are loose around my hips, my hair disheveled and around my shoulders. I try to gather my thoughts but the suddenness of the mood shift has the room spinning. “Robert, you don’t understand—”
“I understand enough,” he says curtly. “I understand what I have and what I don’t.”
“It’s not that simple!”
“It’s always been exactly that simple.”
I’m still trying to catch my breath as he buttons his shirt.
The earth is off its axis. Nothing’s going the way it’s supposed to. Slowly, over the span of silent minutes, my breathing becomes more measured. I straighten my clothes, turn my gaze to the windows, and stare at the graying skies. “You’re both bullies,” I say quietly.
Robert turns. “Excuse me?”
“You think you know what’s best for everyone, always. You tell me I should be more independent, and then you bristle when I don’t make the choices you want me to make.”
“I have never bullied you,” he points out. “I would never raise a hand to you, or even consider it.”
I shrug, a sudden melancholy making me tired. “Some bullies use fists, some blackmail or verbal intimidation. Others use pleasure. You know how to make me . . . feel things and you use it to control me . . . except you can’t, can you? You can make me call out your name but you can’t make me jump when you call out mine.”
Robert’s face hardens. “You think so little of me?”
“I think so little of men.”
He studies me. “Yesterday, after you left the yacht, you fantasized about me.”
I don’t answer but I feel myself flush.
“I know you, Kasie,” he says with a sigh. “I know that even when I’m nowhere near you I’m inside of you. I can touch you with a thought.”
“So touch me,” I say quietly. “Touch me with your thoughts, with your eyes, your hands, your mouth and let me touch you.” I walk over to him; I want to stay strong but there’s a need in me that I can’t harness. “I can’t be yours, not right now, not in the way you want me to be. Everything’s complicated. But I do want you, Robert.” I look down, see that he’s still hard. I reach for his hand, let my tongue flicker over his thumb. “You see? With us it can be simple.”
He smiles, almost wryly, and takes a step closer. “God knows I want you. I want to make you call out my name so loudly they’ll be able to hear you in Orange County. But,” and with this last word he pulls his hand from mine and uses his fingers to lift my chin, keeping my gaze, “it will be on our terms. Not just yours and certainly not his.”
“Is this revenge?” I ask. “I walked away from you, and now you’re walking away from me?”
He shakes his head; I can see that he feels my fatigue, that he’s unwillingly making it his own. “You know damn well I’ll never walk away from you. You’re the one pushing me out the door.”
He runs his hands over his own shirt, smoothing out a few remaining creases. And then he walks away. “I have some new product development in the hands of my engineers. More user-friendly security systems. Marketing thinks it has significant potential. I’ll send over the data.”