Jeeves and the Wedding Bells(20)

But what it was, I did not immediately find out – as we were interrupted by the sound of squealing car brakes, the patter of gravel hitting the front windows of Seaview Cottage and the soft but unmistakable thump of car on car.

‘I say, Jeeves, better go and see what the devil …’

But the fellow had already vaporised. A few moments passed – perhaps in damage assessment – before he reappeared in the doorway. ‘Miss Meadowes, sir.’

I sprang from the armchair like a roosting waterfowl at the sound of a shotgun being closed. Georgiana held up a warning hand, and for once the welcome peck was administered without the risk of a broken rib.

‘Bertie, I’m so sorry to drop in like this without warning.’

‘Not a bit. Absolute pleasure. Do sit down somewhere and Jeeves will bring some tea.’

‘Thank you. There are two reasons why I’ve come. Or perhaps three,’ said Georgiana, settling herself on the sofa, arranging a fold of cotton dress over an endless limb or two.

‘The floor is yours. Speak on.’

‘First of all, I want to assure you there’s no damage to your car. There was a coming-together, but no more. The bumpers touched.’

‘That’s why they’re called bumpers. It’s what they’re for. Don’t give it a second thought.’

‘You are sweet, Bertie. Next, I was a little worried about you. I know it wasn’t the right time to talk yesterday, but I just …’ She waved an elegant hand.

‘Quite the wrong time,’ I said. ‘I needed to get myself off the premises with all speed.’

‘Yes, I know, but …’ She trailed off again.

‘But what, Georgie old thing?’

For the first time since I had, as it were, bumped into her in the south of France, I saw this blue-stockinged editress at a loss.

‘I just want you to know that … Well, we were pretty good pals in France, weren’t we? And if you ever needed a … Not exactly a shoulder to cry on, I mean, just a good listener. Someone to chat to, I would … I could …’

I had the impression that she was trying to get at something, but I hadn’t the faintest idea what. She seemed relieved to hear the clink of the approaching tray.

‘Oh, good. Here’s Jeeves with the tea.’

In his short absence the amazing fellow had also put together a small plate of tomato sandwiches, which Georgiana fell on with an appreciative cry.

‘I think you’ve met Lord Etringham,’ I said.

‘I have indeed,’ she said. ‘A man of many parts. Woody put me in the picture. Just as well, because I recognised Jeeves from the Côte d’Azur and I might well have blurted something out. He was absolutely marvellous at dinner.’

‘Was he?’

‘You should have heard him egging on old Venables. All sorts of questions about the Brahmins and the warrior caste. And as for dealing with Uncle Henry … I’ve never seen him so charmed by a guest.’

‘You are too kind,’ said Jeeves. ‘I was grateful for your intervention, Miss, at several potentially embarrassing moments.’

There was a bit more of this mutual admiration to grit one’s teeth through before Georgiana downed her cup and said, ‘Well I suppose I’d better be going. Slightly awkward my being here at all, I suppose. What with one thing and another.’

‘Where is your intended this afternoon?’ I said.

‘He’s gone to Bournemouth. He’s taken Amelia and his mother. To look at some trams.’

‘Life’s just one long whirligig of excitement for some, isn’t it?’ I said. ‘Weren’t you included in this jaunt?’

‘Me? No, I’m just the Sonya Rostova of Melbury Hall.’ The gurgling stream went over the well-tempered strings, though only for a moment.

I could tell from the look of quiet satisfaction on Jeeves’s face that some cultural reference had been made.

‘Is she a ballerina?’ I said.

‘No, sir, Miss Meadowes’s allusion is to a character in War and Peace. She is an orphan cousin whom fate and the author treat unkindly.’

‘I see.’

‘I must say I always thought Tolstoy was a bit hard on her,’ said Georgiana.

‘The sobriquet “The Sterile Flower” was undoubtedly a cruel one,’ said Jeeves.

‘When you two have quite finished,’ I said. ‘Can we get back to the matter in hand?’

‘Which was?’ said Georgiana.

‘I’ll tell you what it was,’ I said firmly. ‘You said there were three reasons for this delightful visit. We’ve only had two so far.’

‘Ah yes. Do you want this last tomato sandwich, Bertie? Oh, good show. Thanks. Just the right amount of pepper. I wanted to tell you that things are not so hot with Amelia and Woody. I’m very worried. She does love him deeply, you know. I don’t want her to cut off her nose to spite her face. I was wondering if Jeeves had had any bright ideas.’