Jake Undone(97)

She looked apologetic, but I couldn’t tell if it was genuine. “I’m sorry. Was it because of what I said to her?”

“No.”

“Well, I am sorry. I mean that. You’re a good guy. And you were always up front with me; you never promised me anything. We were having fun and I had no right to be pissed at you or jealous of her.”

“It’s okay, Des.”

“What are you doing right now?”

“I was going to go upstairs and try to eat something,” I said.

“You seem down. Why don’t you come back inside to the restaurant? I’ll have the chef whip you up your favorite things.”

I knew if I went upstairs, images of Nina and that guy kissing would just be replaying in my head and the thought of that made me nauseous. Even though a part of me wanted to be alone to wallow in my pain, it made sense to try to get my mind off it.

I sighed and followed her in the door. “Alright. Thanks.”

She sat me down at a table in the corner and went into the kitchen, returning with a huge tray of my favorite Greek foods. She sat across from me as I ate. Even though I didn’t have much of an appetite, I devoured about half of each plate.

With her long black hair and big brown eyes, Desiree really was a beautiful girl, just not equally on the inside. We had definitely been compatible in bed, but that was where it ended. Even still, with her, the sex was all about the end result. You couldn’t even compare it to what I experienced with Nina.

Not only was Nina physically the most beautiful woman in the world to me, but loving her with all my heart and soul made sex with her all-consuming, something I never wanted to end. My food started to come up on me as I imagined her having sex with the guy in glasses. It hurt so badly that I literally shook my head to erase the image from my mind.

“How about we take dessert upstairs?” Desiree asked.

I let out a deep breath. I should have read between the lines but was so terrified of being alone, so I went with it. “Yeah…sure. Why not?”

Once upstairs, it started out innocently enough at first. We made some coffee, and Desiree set the plates out on the counter. On my suggestion, we brought everything back to my room because I hadn’t wanted Ryan and Tarah to walk in and see her with me. We sat on my bed eating the cinnamon and honey fritters in silence. Not a moment went by when I wasn’t thinking about Nina. At one point, my throat closed up, and I put the pastry aside.

“Jake, what’s going on with you?” she asked.

I forged a fake smile. “I don’t think you really want to know.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because it has to do with Nina.”

“What about her?”

Was I really about to go into this with her?

“I told you we broke up. Well, last week, I saw her with another guy. It’s made me a little crazy.”

Understatement of the year.

Opening up to Desiree, of all people, about Nina made no sense, but it hurt so damn much, I needed to get it off my chest.

“I don’t know what happened between you two, but she’s a fool for letting you go.”

I didn’t have the energy to rehash everything. So, I just said, “Thanks.”

Then, Desiree stopped talking; she never really was one for words anyway. She came around behind me and started to massage my shoulders. I closed my eyes and just focused on the feeling, trying to relax and meditate away the pain.

I wasn’t stupid. I knew why she wanted to come up here, and a part of me wanted to let it happen, anything to numb the longing and sadness.

She lifted off my shirt and began to rub her hands harder into my back as I kept my eyes closed. As she continued to massage me, my emotions transformed from sadness to anger over the fact that Nina left me over a lie. The reason for my pain was so senseless. The angrier I got, the more I wanted to erase my thoughts. So, when Desiree took off her shirt pressing her breasts up against my back as she rubbed me, I did nothing to stop her.

Nothing mattered anymore.

Rage continued to build inside me. Desiree stopped massaging and climbed on top of me, wrapping her legs around my waist. I closed my eyes and lowered my mouth, flicking my tongue over her breast. It was mechanical at best, as I continued to obsess over Nina. I sucked on her hard, frustrated at my inability to become lost in Desiree.

She licked my lips, pushing my mouth open with her tongue. We were kissing, and suddenly, anger turned to guilt, because this felt more intimate and despite all that had happened, my body still thought it belonged to Nina. Fighting that feeling, I kissed her harder, moving my tongue roughly against hers. I nearly took her mouth off.

Then, she tugged at my lip ring with her teeth, what Nina used to love to do. I pulled back, panting. It wasn’t working. This wasn’t doing anything to erase the pain. It was making it worse.