Jake Undone(93)

God help me. This was so bad.

I tried to compose myself but was panicking inside. “That girl you saw…she drove me home from a bar. I had gone there because I was so sad over you. You weren’t answering my calls. I had too much to drink. She dropped me off and came back here when I left my phone in her car. Nothing happened, Nina. Nothing happened!”

She wasn’t saying anything. My heart was breaking. She didn’t believe me.

Fuck, I wouldn’t have believed me either.

“I didn’t sleep with her. I didn’t even kiss her. Nina, I swear on my father’s grave!”

She looked up at me.

I walked toward her, but she backed away. She was still speechless.

“Did she say anything to you?” I asked.

Nina nodded slowly with angry eyes. She let out a deep breath. “As a matter of fact, she did.” She spoke through her tears. “She asked me if I was Nina.”

I shook my head. “What?”

“And when I told her I was…she thanked me for abandoning my boyfriend long enough for her to fuck the shit of him.”

No.

This couldn’t be happening.

I was stunned and then shook my head vigorously. “No. No! Nina…nothing happened. I fell asleep. She came on to me. She…She tri—”

“Did you at least wear a condom?” she spewed at the top of her lungs, her face red and her lips twitching.

I became like a raging madman as I screamed again through clenched teeth, shaking my fists in the air. “Nothing…fucking…happened!”

She screamed back at me. “She was putting on her bra when I walked in. You expect me to believe that? What kind of fool do you think I am?”

One who loved me enough to believe in me.

Just then, Ryan emerged from the hallway. I wasn’t sure if he had been there the whole time or if he had arrived with Nina.

“Come on, Nina. Let’s get out of here,” he said, pushing her toward the door.

My voice was hoarse from screaming. “She’s not going anywhere.”

“The hell she isn’t,” he said glaring at me. “Haven’t you done enough damage in her life? Just let her go, Jake.” He pushed her toward the door as she continued to wipe her eyes. “Just fucking let her go.”

That unwanted voice in my head, the one that had been telling me all along to do just that because she was too good for me suddenly emerged in Ryan’s corner. If she didn’t believe me about Lexie then it might as well have been true. I would never be able to prove otherwise.

Ryan had her by the arm and led her out to the hallway. She looked back at me one last time with sadness in her eyes that shot through my heart like a dagger. Feeling her pain radiating through me along with my own, I was frozen, helpless and broken. That voice had won out. I let her go without a fight then she disappeared from sight. I wasn’t sure if I would ever see her again. The girl who had brought me so much joy, who had given me a reason to live, who penetrated my soul…was gone. It was the worst moment of my life.

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I looked down and noticed that I had missed a voicemail from Nina. She must have called earlier when my phone was in Lexie’s car. My chest tightened as I played it.



“Hey, it’s me. I know I have been distant this past week. I needed some time apart from you to understand what that really felt like…to see if living without you was even an option for me. And you know what? It’s not, Jake. It’s really not. I know that I need to sacrifice some things, namely my time with you, if we’re going to make this work. As you told me once, sometimes you have to withstand a little pain in life to experience a pleasure you otherwise wouldn’t have known existed. You’re my only pleasure, and I am telling you that you’re worth all the pain and sacrifice in the world. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? I need to see you tonight. There is a lot more I need to say. I am heading over there now. I hope you’re up. I’m sorry if I worried you. I love you so much.”





CHAPTER 28





Eighty-five: the number of times I played that voicemail.

Thirty: the number of days that passed before I would see Nina’s face again.

One: the number of major mistakes I would almost make after losing it when I finally saw her.

I spent the weeks after Nina left, trying to convince myself that it was for the best even though I was miserable. Not one night went by when I didn’t agonize over whether to go to her apartment and plead with her. I would always decide against it because I couldn’t handle causing her any more pain. If she didn’t believe me that night, she wasn’t going to believe me now. The way she looked at me when she walked away would forever be etched in my brain. It was a look of utter sorrow and disappointment. The memory haunted me. Even though I didn’t do anything wrong besides getting inebriated, I punished myself by sketching that look on her face repeatedly, so that I never forgot the bad decision that ruined me.