Jake Undone(87)

I turned toward the door. “Hi, Gina.”

She looked over at Ivy. “Hi, beautiful.” Still in a catatonic state, Ivy ignored her.

Gina and I walked out to the hall, and she whispered, “They told me that she threw a fit the other night, throwing things around her room and threatening some of the staff if they went near her. It wasn’t quite bad enough for a hospitalization, but they asked me to check in on her every day this week.”

“Thank you, Gina. Thank you so much.”

“It’s my job.” She smiled, searching my eyes. “How are you holding up? Are you okay?”

She knew about the talk I had with Ivy and my filing for divorce. I was sure I looked like shit. I hadn’t shaved all week and slept like ass.

“Honestly? Not really. I’ve been dreading this for five years. I don’t want to push her into an even worse state. I could never live with myself if anything happened to her.”

“Do you know how many of these situations I walk into everyday where the person has absolutely no one looking after them? I haven’t seen one spouse in your situation who has stayed as long as you have, certainly not one your age.”

“I’ll always look out for her.”

“You’re a good man, Jake.”

I wanted to believe that, but the guilt had only just begun to eat away at me.





***





That Saturday night, back at my sister’s house, I closed the door to my room and called Nina. She had just arrived at her parents’ house in upstate New York for spring break. She’d be there all week until the following Sunday.

We last spoke on the phone a few nights ago right after I told Ivy about the divorce. I was extremely sad after I left the group home. Nina stayed on the phone with me for hours, just listening to me vent about everything that had happened. It was a relief that I didn’t have to keep any part of my life from her anymore. Toward the end of the call, she told me she loved me. It was the first time she had said it since finding out about Ivy. It was only then that I was able to let her off the phone and fall asleep. It was the first good night’s sleep I had in a while.

When I called her tonight, though, I needed so much more than her reassurance. I missed her so fucking much and felt like I was going to lose it if I couldn’t be with her soon. Even though we had been talking on the phone, it had been several weeks since we had seen each other. The need to be with her physically was becoming unbearable. I wanted to show her just how badly I needed her.

“What are you doing right now?” I asked.

“I just finished the dishes, a typical exciting night here at home here in the boonies. How are you?”

“I miss you.”

“That’s funny because I was just thinking about how much I miss you.”

I closed my eyes wishing more than anything that she was with me. “Well, I was just thinking about how much I love you.”

“I love you too.” She paused then said, “You know that, right? I feel like things have been so stressful lately and I haven’t said it much, but that’s never gone away, Jake, not even for a second.”

I was going to explode.

“Can you go into your room?”

“Yes. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I just want to make sure you’re alone.”

“Hold on. I’m walking to my room.” The phone made a staticky sound as she walked. “Okay, I’m here.”

“Close the door and lock it.”

“Are you sure everything is okay?”

“Yeah, baby, I am. There is just something I really need to show you right now.”

“The door is closed. What’s going on?”

I let out a deep breath into the phone and made myself comfortable on the bed. I hoped she would play along with me. “You locked it?”

“Yes.”

“How much do you miss me?”

“I feel like I can’t keep staying away from you. I’ve really tried to do the right thing, but—”

“I would give anything to bury myself inside you right now, Nina.”

“I am pretty sure I’d let you tonight.”

“Fuck. I wish you were here. I’m lying down. Are you lying down?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

From the sound of her voice, I knew she was on board and had figured out where I was going with this.

“Close your eyes.”

“Okay…closed.”

“Pretend I am there with you right now, baby. Can you feel me?”

She whispered. “Yes.”

“Take off your underwear.”

“I’m not wearing any.”

“Say what?”

“I’m wearing a dress.”

“With no underwear?”