Hot For Teacher(134)

Empty cells cross the document and are highlighted in yellow. The only open spot is Number Ten.

The spot underneath that says nothing but ‘Katie Shields.’ I shake my head at my immature behavior for the past few years.

At the time it seemed perfectly normal. Logical. At the time, nothing else mattered but getting my dick wet. There’s no way I would’ve known what I was doing was fucked up if Arleen hadn’t had come into my life when she did and opened my mind to other possibilities.

I owe her an explanation of some kind. I owe her my future. How do you tell someone something like that and not sound like a complete asshat?

Hey Arleen, thanks for helping me see the light. And thanks for proving to me just how small my testicles can shrink. By the way, you wanna screw? Because you’re different from those other girls I’ve fucked.

Yeah, I’m sure she’d believe that.

Fueled on frustration, I storm to the bathroom and get in the shower. By the time I step out, I hear the doorbell.

I race for my clothes and try to get them onto my wet body. It takes me twice as long as usual, and I run down the steps, pulling my shirt over my head. The outside light is on and Arleen’s shadow can be seen through the window next to the front door.

I stumble in the entry, and open the door from a kneeling position. She squints and looks down at me.

There’s barely a hint of a smile on her face, and I can tell she wants to make a joke. But she doesn’t.

“Come in,” I say, getting off my knees and opening the door wide. “And please, before you say anything, come in and sit on the couch. I want to try to explain myself.” I feel like I’ve spent half my life lately explaining myself to this girl. But she deserves it.

Deliberating for some time, she hesitates in coming into the living room. She’s conflicted, and I know she’s probably just as confused as I am, but I have to put it all on the table. I can’t hold back now. I’ve gotten her here, in my home, and I know I won’t get another chance like this.

Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail tonight, and her eyes look tired. She throws her backpack on the floor and sits down.

“How is your brother feeling?” I begin, starting with a different subject in order to get a feel for her attitude.

“Better, thanks.” She keeps her head down and nestles into the corner of the couch.

“Good.” I nod, and am suddenly scared as shit to tell her how I feel.

I sit on the chair across from her and try not to wuss out.

“I know that you probably hate me right now,” I say, pausing in hope that she’ll interrupt me and say that I’m wrong. But she stays quiet. Ouch. “But it’s really important to me that you hear me out.”

She nods. “I’m here, Simon. I don’t hate you, but I’m not your biggest fan either.”

“I know,” I sigh. “I’ve done some really shitty things. Things that I couldn’t possibly explain in detail right now--”

“I don’t want…details.”

I laugh. “No! Not that. I mean, I can’t even begin to figure out how to explain to you why I’ve done what I’ve done, but it wasn’t because I’ve been some horny teenager. I mean,” I hesitate, “not only because I’m a horny teenager.” The joke was a bad one and Arleen’s smile looked more like a grimace.

“Simon, if this is some song and dance so you can get me naked, keep dreaming, Romeo. Because I can tell you right now, no amount of charm in the world is getting these pants off me tonight.”

“No! It’s not like that, I swear! I won’t sleep with you—ever—”

Arleen flinched and I realized how that sounded. Great! I was making a mess of this! Brain and mouth, please disengage!

“I meant, I won’t sleep with you if you don’t want me to. Of course I want to! I mean look at you! You’re sexy as hell. And I’d love to see you naked. Your rack is amazing.” Oh God, why can’t I shut up?

I clear my throat and I feel my cheeks burn with embarrassment. “Okay, forget I just said all that.” Please? “I just want you try to understand why I am the way I am.”

She nods, her jaw tight. “Then by all means, continue.”

I clear my throat again. I’m going to do this. I’m going to throw up my sordid history into her lap. Is she ready for it?

Am I ready for it?

Well here goes nothin’.

“I lost my virginity almost two years ago. And my reasons for sleeping with her were stupid.” I roll my eyes, thinking about Miss Shields. “I had this vision of who I wanted to be by the time I was eighteen, and I’ve only just realized—in the past few days, actually—that the person I became was ugly. So, so ugly.” I bow my head and scratch my temple. “I’m not saying this to charm you, or woo you, or get you into my bed. I’m telling you this because I’ve realized how important you are to me. Probably the most important person I’ve ever met. And we’re so much alike. You can’t see it because I haven’t told you about my life.” I realize I’m jabbering like an idiot, but I can’t stop. My mouth is like a runaway train.