Hold Me Tight(17)

But I feel the air leave my lungs when I see the giant heart that’s taking up an entire page. In the center, Eric is smiling like I’ve never seen him smile, fully and happily, beaming with joy. Why? Because Cassidy is cuddled up in his embrace, the caption ‘class couple’ making their love official and, for the first time, painfully real.

“I told you not to look through it,” Tim reprimands me, trying to pull the yearbook out of my hands.

“No… Don’t. I want to see more.”

He relents when he sees my brow furrow. He’s not going to fight me on this, even though he knows I’m probably not going to like what I see. But it’s like ripping off a Band-Aid. Rifling through these pages is going to hurt, but I’d rather experience the pain all at once and get it over with. I can’t pretend like Eric was never in love with Cassidy because it’s clear that he was. I’ve been deluding myself, pretending it was just some childhood crush. That what I have with him is deeper, more intimate. But I’m beginning to think I was wrong.

I stumble across photo after photo of them, and they’re always together. In the library with their heads bent over a book, in the cafeteria with Cassidy sitting on his lap, at a football game with Cassidy perched on his shoulders, at the prom with him holding her close on the dance floor.

My eyes start to burn as I fixate on Eric in that prom picture. My throat constricts. For some crazy reason, I thought the first time I’d see Eric in a tux would be at our wedding. But that’s not going to happen. Not after I turned him down.

I slam the yearbook shut.

“I get it now,” I mutter, handing it back to him.

“What are you talking about?” he asks, seemingly perplexed, but I know better.

“You want me to ache the way you ache.” I gaze deep into Tim’s eyes, daring him to contradict me. “I’m the only one who can understand what it’s like, getting thrown in the middle of their epic love story. Always being compared, never quite measuring up.”

I let my slippered feet touch the floor as I pull myself up, wanting nothing more than to get away from him.

“Yeah, Tim. You’re right. Is that what you want to hear? You proved your point. I get it. I’ll never be Cassidy. I’ll never see Eric look at me without that hint of pain in his eyes. But you know what? It’s okay because I know he loves me, truly loves me. He’s been scarred by grief and loss and disappointment. He’s not the person he was with her. But I wouldn’t want him any other way. I love him for the man he is now. What he’s gone through and survived only makes him more precious in my eyes.”

Tim flings an arm over the back of the couch, agitated.

“What? You don’t believe me?” I question him, but he turns his head away. “You think you and I are the same, but we’re not. You loved Cassidy, but she never loved you back. When she had to choose, she chose Eric, not you. Yeah, I may have to compete with a ghost, but Eric made the choice to be with me. He didn’t want to open himself up to love again, but he did. This baby growing inside of me is proof of that. So while you’re out here all alone hatching plans with Lauren to tear us apart, I want you to know that you just did me a favor by showing me how happy Cassidy made him, because now I’m even more determined to bring that light back to his eyes. And I know my love is strong enough to do it.”

“Bravo, Ivy.” Tim starts clapping his hands, mocking me like I just put on a masterful performance when I meant every word I said from the bottom of my heart. “I wish you luck with that. I really do. Because you’re wrong, I don’t think you and I are the same at all. I’m not looking for someone to wallow in my pain and understand me. I just wanted to set you straight. Get you to see the truth.”

“Oh yeah?” I know he’s baiting me, but I can’t resist falling into his trap.

“You think that I’m suffering from a terminal case of unrequited love?” He laughs heartily, throwing back his head. “That I’ve been stewing in some romantic limbo, my fate never to be resolved?”

In a flash, he’s off the couch, standing over me, making me take a few steps back. For the first time since I arrived, I feel threatened by him. Like whatever he’s about to say I don’t want to hear because it’s bound to hurt.

“I know who the father of Cassidy’s baby was…”

He pauses dramatically, twisting the knife in deeper. His blue eyes don’t look so gentle anymore. They’re hard, calculating, cruel.

“And it wasn’t Eric.”





Chapter Eight