Hold Me Tight(19)

Will and I start trudging over the frozen ground as I inspect the limbs of my prime Douglas firs, stopping every few feet. If I grunt, Will pulls a florescent orange ribbon from around his arm and secures it to one of the branches. This way, we’ll be able to make short work of the process next week when we come back to finish the job.

We don’t speak for nearly a quarter of an hour, our breath visible on the morning air. Up ahead, there’s a rustle of dead trees being dragged over the frozen ground, but I ignore it and keep going. Will exhales in annoyance, making me well aware that he’s having none of it.

“What?” I snap, losing my temper.

“You’re going to have to talk to Ben eventually. It’s not his fault, you know,” Will mutters, looking cold and miserable as he tugs on the strings of his hood, drawing it closer around his face.

“I don’t have to do a darn thing. He should be thanking his lucky stars that he still has a job and I didn’t go and fire his ass.”

I was tempted to let Ben go after what he told me, but when he showed up for work the next day, I couldn’t do it. One look at his face and I knew he was telling the truth. He didn’t know Ivy was with his brother. I don’t think he even knows Tim and I used to be friends. Back in the summer when I hired him, I even considered it a gesture of goodwill since what went on between Tim and me seemed like ancient history. Yeah, we had a falling out over Cassidy, but that was water under the bridge. He had a silly crush on her. So what? He moved on and so did I… Or so I’d thought. Until Lauren made her big announcement in my driveway, naming him as Cassidy’s lover.

Do I believe Cassidy cheated on me with Tim? I don’t know. Things got weird between us at the end. She wasn’t acting like herself, but understandably so. She was fighting a battle on two fronts—for her own life and that of our child. She was drained a lot of the time. Too tired to talk. Too fatigued to want to see me. Even though she pushed me away, I didn’t go far. If she didn’t want me in her bedroom, then I kept vigil outside her door. If she didn’t want me feeding her, then I helped her mom prepare her tray in the kitchen. If she didn’t want me holding her, then I made sure to cover her with an extra blanket whenever she fell asleep. I remained at her side, no matter how much she tried to distance herself from me.

At the time, I thought it was because she didn’t want me to see her like that. Pale. Haggard. Lethargic. But now, I realize there was more to it than that. She was pining for Tim, wishing he were the one sitting beside her, not me.

“Will you keep up with me, goddammit?” I snarl as Will lags behind, gazing forlornly back at Ben.

“Ben went over there, you know. He told me he saw Ivy,” Will states. His words have the desired effect as I grind to a halt.

“Yeah, so?” I remark, trying to come off all tough, as my voice cracks.

“Are you freakin’ kidding me?” Will comes up behind me, grabbing my shoulders and giving me a good shake. “You know where Ivy is. You might not have a whole lot of time left to spend with her, and you’re just going to piss it away because of your stupid pride? Give me a break. Even I’m not that much of a drama queen.”

“You don’t get it. There’s a lot more going on here than you realize,” I growl at Will, yanking him off me.

“What? That Tim might have—and I emphasize, might have—slept with Cassidy? God rest her soul, but who cares? She’s gone, Eric. That shit doesn’t matter anymore. Ivy’s the one you need to be worried about. She’s not over there spreading her legs for Ben’s brother to get back at you. We both know she’d never do that,” Will huffs, steam coming out of his mouth.

“Only because she can’t,” I say bitterly, knowing that it’s a cheap shot the moment the words leave my mouth.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Will asks, throwing up his hands.

“She’s on pelvic rest,” I chuckle mirthlessly at his confused expression. “What? Don’t know what that is? It means she can’t have sex. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to.”

“You really think that’s how Ivy operates? That she’d screw some guy she just met just to piss you off?” Will walks around me, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Tim can be very persuasive,” I argue, watching him trying to make sense of what I’m telling him.

“Eric, I think you need some sleep because seriously, dude, you’re off your rocker.” Will comes to a stop, looking at me beseechingly. “Go to her. Bring her back. This isn’t right and you know it. You two belong together. And I don’t even believe in true love and all that bullshit. Don’t let Lauren screw this up for you. Listen to Ben. Hear what he has to say.”