Hold Me Tight(14)

I slump against the back of the swivel chair, letting my fingers drift absently over the laptop keys. Dr. P. was a little perturbed at not seeing Eric with me. He didn’t pry. He just shook his head and said that whatever’s going on between us was none of his business, even though he wasn’t happy that Eric had bailed on the appointment. After examining me, Dr. P. smiled. So far, everything’s fine. The tear in the placenta has not detached any further. Of course it was great news, but it hurt that Eric wasn’t there to hear it. It’s like he doesn’t even care. What if things took a turn for the worse? I mean, he hasn’t talked to me in over a week. Anything could have happened between now and then. Is he really that mad at me for walking out on him?

My brain feels muddled. I should be working on the damn screenplay, but I couldn’t care less. I don’t even know what I’m doing since I’ve never written one by myself before, not without Will’s help. Fiction isn’t my thing. I like facts. Patterns I can piece together and investigate. And not having all of the details about what went on between Tim and Cassidy isn’t making my job any easier. My eyes gaze restlessly out the window over the acres of land that make up Tim’s property. The barren trees look even more desolate under an overcast sky. The gloomy weather matches my mood. I’m sure not going to get anything accomplished in this state of mind.

“Dr. P. seems like a pretty cool guy.”

Yikes. I forgot that Tim was in here reading the Gazette. He’s been so quiet, letting me mull things over in silence. It was dumb to use the living room as a workspace. I should’ve stayed upstairs, kept to myself. But after suffering such a crushing blow, I didn’t want to be alone. I was too upset over Eric’s no-show.

“Yeah, Dr. P.’s the best. I don’t know what I’d do without him,” I remark without much enthusiasm as I spin the chair around to face Tim.

I took my time getting ready this morning because I wanted to look nice for Eric. I didn’t straighten my hair because I remembered how he’d said that he liked it natural the night he took care of me after he’d brought me home from the hospital.

But when Tim and I got back to the farmhouse, I crashed. I took off all my makeup, braided my hair, and tossed on the generic pair of grey sweats Lauren had some random staffer at the Gazette pick out for me as part of my ‘care package.’ It sucks that I can’t even wear my own clothes anymore. It’s like everything’s been taken away from me. My freedom. My identity. Eric.

I scrunch my eyes closed, fighting the urge to cry again.

“Ah, Ivy. What is it?” Tim asks, lowering his newspaper and crinkling the fold.

“I just thought he’d be there. You know?” I whimper, ashamed of the tears that begin to fall.

Tim gets up and kneels before me, running his hand soothingly up and down my back. “That’s why I was going to stay in the car. In case he was staking out the place and didn’t want to run into me. I’m probably the reason he stayed away, not you.”

“Don’t be silly. Eric’s a big boy. I’m sure you didn’t scare him off.” I force a smile, wanting Tim to know that I don’t blame him.

“If he entered the waiting room, I was going to tell him where you were. I swear.” Tim sits back on his heels, holding up his hands. “The exam room is his domain, not mine. All that stuff in there freaks me out—big time.”

“What do you mean? You’re not a fan of—” I start, but he places his hand lightly over my mouth.

“Don’t even go there. I know a woman’s body is a beautiful thing, but I’d rather not see it like that.” Tim shakes his head vigorously, trying to rid himself of the thought.

“So I take it I’ll never find you in a delivery room?” I tease, a giggle escaping my lips.

“No way. When Cassidy used to talk about it, I’d…” He pauses, catching himself.

“Go on. You’d…?” I give him a small smile, hoping he’ll continue. We’ve been on the verge of this conversation for over a week now. If only he’d meet me halfway.

Tim clears his throat, surprising me when he doesn’t stop. “I’d tell her”—he pauses again, lowering his voice—“that I’d probably be no good to her when she needed me the most.” He hangs his head, easing onto the floor with a defeated sigh.

“Tim,” I implore, keeping my voice soft. “What really happened between you and Cassidy?”

“Ivy, are you sure you want to get into this?” he asks, gazing up at me, studying my face.