Hell And Back(29)

“Were you in school before you had Lilah?”

“I was in school for a bit. I dropped out.”

“Why did you drop out? Surely, you could have done night courses while you were pregnant?”

I get an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I don’t want to give out too much information. The mere thought of him finding out what I’m running from is too much.

“I couldn’t manage the two because I couldn’t find childcare for Lilah,” I say, pushing around my chili as my stomach starts to form knots.

“So, what were you studying in school?”

“I wanted to be a social worker,” I murmur. I always wanted to work with kids. When I lost my parents, I was lucky enough to have Nan, but what if I didn’t? I wanted to make sure kids were taken care of.

“You would have been awesome at that.”

I look up at him, catching the softness in his eyes.

“You should take online courses. They do that now.”

I think about the computer I have and know nothing about. Maybe I can do online courses. Lilah will be going to school soon.

“Maybe I’ll look into it. What about you? I know you are a police officer. Do you like your job?”

“I’m a detective for the special victims unit. I love doing what I do, some days. I’ve seen lots of things I wish I didn’t.” The minute he says that, I feel like I’m going to vomit. What are the chances I get a hot ass neighbor and he’s a detective? I swear someone hates me.

“Are you okay? You look really pale.” His words have me shaking my head. Yes. I don’t think I can answer without my voice giving me away.

I want to usher him out of the house and hide with Lilah under the bed and hope everything goes away.

He must sense my mood change because the questions stop. He turns to Lilah, asking her most of the questions now. What her favorite television show is. What her favorite ice cream flavor is. Her favorite color. She answers pink, of course, no surprise there. He asks her what her favorite things to do are. She says her favorite thing is playing with the sand at Jackson’s house and blowing bubbles with Ms. Brenda.

“What don’t you like to do, princess?”

“I don’t like being in the closet in the dark,” Lilah says in a quiet whisper.

I gasp out in shock at her response. But my thoughts are pushed aside when I hear a spoon clatter on the bowl and a chair scraping against the floor.

“I’ll be right back.” He throws his napkin on the table, turning to walk out the front door.

“Orry, Momma,” she whispers to me. “Ackson mad?”

“No, baby, he’s not mad. He just forgot he left his front door open,” I lie to her as I see him sit down on the step outside the house.

“Why don’t you finish up so we can get you in the bath? I’m thinking pink bubbles tonight.” I try to get her back to her happy place.

“The pink big bubbles?” she asks.

I know those are her favorites.

“Yes, baby girl, those.” I pick up his plate and mine and bring them to the kitchen sink. I put the leftovers into a storage container, freezing a good portion for us, but also preparing a portion for Jackson to bring home.

I look over and notice he is now pacing on the front lawn with his head down. He stops mid-strut when his phone rings.

“Baby, why don’t you go and put your bowl on the counter and I’ll be right back to give you a bath, okay?”

She nods at me while I walk to the door.

Opening it slowly so it doesn’t make any noise, I hear his half of the conversation.

“Marissa, it’s okay. Stop crying, it’ll be okay. I don’t know what is going to happen. I’m going to swing by. Would that help? I can be there in twenty minutes,” he says quietly and softly to her.

He closes off the phone, turning around, and stopping when he sees me standing here.

“I have to go,” he tells me, and I nod my head.

I don’t say a word because I don’t trust my voice to crack and give me away.

“I’m just going to say bye to Lilah.”

Again, I just nod my head and watch him walk past me.

I take a second to blink away the tears threatening to fall. After that, I look up at the sky and ask for strength. I make my way into the kitchen and hear the conversation between Jackson and Lilah.

“You go bye bye?” Lilah asks while she sits on his lap, looking up at him.

“Yes, I have to go bye bye. But how about tomorrow we go back and play in the sand? We can ask Mommy if you could eat at my house.” He leans in and whispers, “We could even ask her to order pizza.”

She smiles and shakes her head yes. He kisses her cheek, placing her down, and turning around to look for me.