Heart of Dixon(27)

Wrapping his hands around me and settling them on my ass, he pulls me against his chest, whispering against my lips, “It’s my pleasure, baby.” I get chills down my spine as I hear that delicious Aussie accent flow from his lips. I dart my tongue out, licking my lips, as I bring my hands up into Jax’s hair. He doesn’t have much hair since he keeps it cut short with just about an inch on top of his head, but there’s enough for me to grab onto and take control of him.

I feel Dixon’s eyes on me without having to turn around and look. Watching Jax’s eyes dart behind me confirms what I already knew. Dixon wants to rub his conquests in my face, so it's time I rub mine in his.

Leaning forward, I press my lips to Jax’s. The second they connect, his grip on my hips tightens and I feel his thunder down under growing harder by the second pressing into my very needy girly parts that are feeling extremely neglected at the moment. I can’t control the moans that leave my lips and roll into Jax’s mouth as I push my tongue into his mouth taking charge. It turns Jax on even more as my tongue licks at his and twists around it causing an explosion of flavor as my Twisted Tea mixes with the taste of the sweet tea he was drinking earlier.

Finally breaking away from his kiss, I inhale deeply as I try to catch my breath and let out a soft chuckle. “Wow. That was quite some kiss, Jax.” I tease as I run my fingers over my swollen lips that are burning slightly due to rubbing against his light scruff.

“That it was.” Is all he says, before cupping the back of my head with one hand and continuing to squeeze my ass with the other, before pulling me in for another toe curling kiss.



After my blow up with Dixon earlier, he’s finally taken a hint and stopped trying to talk to me. I don’t do that ‘pretend things didn’t happen’ shit he’s trying to do. I won’t sit back and let him treat me as if I’m nothing to him and that the time we spent together was the same as any other chick he’s fucked. I know the truth. I know we had some really special moments together. For him to try and talk to me like nothing has happened...I can’t do it. The pain is still too raw. For now, Jax is a good distraction and the perfect way to give Dixon a taste of his own fucked up medicine.

Jax, Savannah, Kayden, and I have spent most of the day together out on the deck and down at the pool. Now we’re getting ready to make the bonfire and enjoy our last few hours here in the Bahamas. Jax and I have been playing beer pong for the last half hour but, unlike the other night; I’m whooping ass tonight. Jax doing shots of tequila earlier hasn’t helped him any. Luckily for Kayden, Jax is sporting a pretty good buzz but not drunk enough to be of zero help. The last thing we need is Jax falling face first into the damn fire or something.

Kayden has been hinting all day that our massages weren’t the only surprise for tonight, so I’m excited to see what he has up his sleeve. He said we’ll find out later this evening. So for now Savannah and I are playing a round of beer pong while the guys get our beach fire going.

Of course, my ever intruding bestie decides now is the best time to talk about last night. When Dixon is the very last thing on the entire planet that I want to talk about. I’m afraid if I start talking about how hurt I am, I’ll end up a crying mess again, and I’ve already sworn to myself no more tears.

“So, you decided to not even bother talking with Dixon?” Savannah asks as she finishes setting up the cups on her side.

“Seriously, what the hell do you think, Savannah!?” I snap as I grab the hose to the keg and begin filling up my cups. I don’t mean to snap at her but come one. Would anyone want to talk to a guy about the possibility of being exclusive after he has a fucking threesome? “I’m not going to be his little go-to gal whenever he’s lonely. I’m done with the head games. That man makes me dizzy. One minute he’s bringing two skanks back here with him, and then the next he’s trying to flirt with me and act like nothing happened?”

Shrugging her shoulders, Savannah crosses her arms and stares at me with a sympathetic look in her crystal blue eyes. “I don’t know what to say, Brooklyn. I saw you all hot and heavy with Jax today, and it's rubbing me the wrong way. You just told me last night there’s nothing between you two but hot steamy sex. I don’t want him to get hurt because it’s going to put Kayden between a rock and a hard place if things between you two go south.”

I can’t help but roll my eyes at her comment. I try to hide the pain that’s consuming me but by the look on Savannah’s face she sees through my ‘I could give two shits’ attitude.

“Don’t you think I already thought of this? I’m sick of being lonely. Xander is a man-whore who’s only good for one thing. Yeah, he’s fun for a random hookup, but I’m not kidding myself. He’s sleeping with a new girl in every city they stop in. Dixon, I knew was a player, but I loved the idea that maybe I could change him like you changed Kayden. But I guess I was just fooling myself. I’m sick of being alone, so Jax is the safe bet to roll with. Our chemistry in the bedroom is off the charts, and maybe over time, that could change into something deeper.” I feel like I’m trying to convince myself as much as I am her. I hate to look at Jax and use the word settle; it makes me feel like shit because Jax deserves way more than a girl ‘settling’ for him. He’s amazing and incredibly sexy. He has so much to offer other than just his big heart.

I am going to hell. There’s no way around it.

Moving around the table, Savannah sets the last red beer-filled cup down and wraps her arms around me. I sag into her embrace feeling defeated. I’ve been trying to be strong all day, but it’s exhausting.

“All I can say is, don’t settle Brooklyn. You’re an amazing person and my bestest friend in the entire world. I want you to have a guy who’ll love you unconditionally and make you feel the way I do when Kayden looks at me. So loved that you think if you died today, you can die knowing you spent your last days with your soul mate. Almost dying really puts life into perspective.” Savannah laughs trying to lighten the mood, but it can’t mask the pain she’s feeling for me or the pain I’m consumed with. “You told me last night that Dixon makes you feel everything you’ve only dreamt of feeling when a man looks into your eyes. You need to ask yourself: Is he feeling that too? If so, maybe he’s just scared shitless and running away. I think before you jump into anything more with Jax, you need to have a serious talk with Dixon. If you’re not meant to be together, then do it for closure so you can try to put the feelings you have for him aside and move on with your life.”

The thought of talking to Dixon, putting everything out there for him to see is terrifying. I’ve never exposed myself like that before. I wear a thick armor keeping my feelings in and only showing to people what I want them to see. It’s what makes me a good actress. I can channel the emotions when needed, let out the frustrations that are overwhelming me and pretend they are the pain and tears of my character instead of letting people see behind the acting and discover the pain is my pain coming out after being bottled up.

It’s how I kicked ass so much on the re-take the other day in Vancouver. I channeled all the anger I had bottled up towards Jacob and Zak and took it out on the scene and actually left with some amazing compliments from the director on my flawless fight scenes. Part of being an actress is being able to step outside of your comfort zone. That’s what I need to do with Dixon. I need to look at this as a stepping stone in my life. Get closure and move on with my life.

But, that’s easier said than done.





Chapter Fourteen




“I can’t believe you guys got new tattoos, in the Bahamas no less,” Rebecca says, eyeing my new tattoo on my shoulder.

It’s an infinity sign with a feather coming off of it and turning into seagulls flying away into oblivion. I love it. It has the quote, ‘And in that moment I swear we were infinite’ written inside the loops of the infinity sign.

Looking over my right shoulder I gaze down at my tattoo, “It’s pretty freaking awesome isn’t it?” I ask her before turning back around to face her. “It hurt like hell but so worth it. Mine was nothing compared to the pain Savannah and Kayden went through for theirs.”

Savannah talks to us through the mirror as she applies her mascara. “Mine hurt for days after I got it, Kayden’s too. But the pain was worth it. It was therapeutic putting that James Dean quote on my body permanently. I now remind myself every day to live my life to the fullest because we’re never guaranteed tomorrow.”

Setting her mascara down on the double sink, she spins around facing us with a big smile stretched across her face and a dreamy look in her eyes, “Kayden’s tattoo is amazing. Seeing my name tattooed on his ribcage with the angel wings was unlike anything I’ve felt before. I know it’s happened fast, but I know there’s no doubt in my mind that he is my soul mate. After everything I’ve been through I couldn’t be happier to have Kayden by my side.”

Rebecca and I both start waving our hands in front of our faces fighting back tears. Whenever Savannah talks about almost dying it always gets to us, it’s all still too raw, and emotions are still on high with Zak still out there somewhere.