Good Enough(23)
“Hello?”
“Tess. It’s Hillary.”
“He-ey. What’s going on?” She says in a cheery tone.
“Um, I called you last night. Your mom said you were with Jameson.”
“Yeah, don’t be mad. I wanted to talk to him about you and how you were feeling about your relationship with him and how it overwhelmed you. You know, how you felt suffocated?”
“WHAT?” I shout in the phone. “What the hell are you talking about Tess? I never said that!”
“What do you mean? You said you were puzzled about things with him?”
“Tess, being confused about something new to me and being overwhelmed and suffocated are completely opposite things. All I told you was that I felt Jameson was pretty open with me about his feelings and that was new to me because I kept shit to myself and it made me nervous. And what gives you the right to talk to him on my behalf? What did he say?”
“Oh, well all he said was if you didn’t want to be with him he would accept that. So I told him that’s what it seemed like you wanted, to break things off.”
“OH MY FUCKING GOD TESS!” I scream into the phone. “Is this some sort of game to you? Are you jealous? Is that why you are doing this, because now that you and Brody are done you want Jameson?”
“What? No.”
I wish I could see her face because her tone of voice is throwing me off. “I can’t believe you did this to me, behind my back.” I slam the phone down.
Swamp crotch bitch!
HI. THIS IS JAMESON. I can’t get to my phone. Leave a message.
“Hi… It’s Hillary.”
I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans.
“I just got off the phone with Tess,” I continue. “She told me what she told you. Jameson, I never said those things. I don’t know why she said any of that stuff to you.”
I leave out the fact that I’m pissed at her, and try to keep the subject on our relationship.
“Look, I know you’re probably sleeping right now because you have to work tonight but you can email me tomorrow morning at work when you get home if you want. I really want to talk to you about all of this.”
October 8, 2001
To: hillarynowal@aol.com
From: jmichaels@hotmail.com
October 8, 2001 08:33 a.m.
Hillary,
I got your voicemail while driving in to work. I’m glad you reached out to me. I’ve been wracking my brain about all that went down between us. I wish you could just be honest and upfront with me about your feelings. If I’m coming on too strong or something. If you just need a minute to breath, tell me. Don’t run away! If you want to work this out with me we have a lot to talk about, and we can talk about why Tess said what she said too.
Jameson
To: jmichaels@hotmail.com
From: hillarynowal@aol.com
October 8, 2001 09:07 a.m.
Jameson,
Thank you for writing to me. You want honesty? Here’s my version of brutal honesty… I don’t know how to be open with my feelings. Growing up in my house my opinion never mattered, still doesn’t. So, I’ve learned to just keep my mouth shut. On the flip side; you, this whole thing, scares the shit out of me (not in a bad way). I know you probably want me to say more but like I said, I’m still learning how to be open with my thoughts and feelings.
I hope you write back.
Hillary
To: hillarynowal@aol.com
From: jmichaels@hotmail.com
October 8, 2001 09:27 a.m.
Hillary,
I didn’t expect such a fast response. Please don’t freak out if I don’t write back quickly to you after this. I’m really tired from working all night.
I have never felt about anyone, the way I feel about you. If something isn’t right in your mind, you have to tell me. I can’t fix what I don’t know is broken. I do want to get back together but it’s up to you now.
Jameson
To: jmichaels@hotmail.com
From: hillarynowal@aol.com
October 8, 2001 11:34 a.m.
Jameson,
I’m sure you’re asleep by now. I was in a meeting.
Anyway, I do want to talk to you. Do you want to meet for coffee or something? I know our schedules are completely opposite. I have to go to Hoboken Wednesday through Friday for a work thing. Hoping to get a new client. What are your plans this coming weekend?
I want to be open and honest but I need something from you. Patience and understanding, for so many reasons I can’t get in to right now. If you can’t do that I understand, just let me know.
Hillary
5:30 p. m.
Sitting at my desk staring at my computer even though technically my workday is now done but for some reason I can’t move.
He’s sleeping. That’s why he hasn’t written back. Don’t freak out! Don’t over analyze it!