Giving In(59)

He stroked a hand down the length of Kylie’s body, simply enjoying the feel of her in his arms. Naked, beautiful, warm and sated.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “For what you gave me tonight. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you, for a man like you, I mean. But I’ll never forget this, Jensen. I can’t even put into words what this meant to me.”

His chest tightened and he struggled to find the words around the knot in his throat.

“It was the easiest thing I’ve ever done,” he said. And it was the absolute truth. Giving up control to this woman had been a no-brainer. She was worth every sacrifice. “Giving control to you was worth every bit, Kylie. I don’t want you to ever worry that I’ll regret it or grow to resent you for it. I’m willing to give you control for as long as you need. Forever, if that’s what it takes for us to be together. If the end result is having you in my arms just like now, then I’ll do whatever it takes to achieve that.”

“I love you,” she whispered, shocking him to the core with her declaration. “I know it’s too soon. I’ve battled with myself over whether what I was feeling was love. I’ve made myself crazy worrying, but I don’t want to worry anymore. I just want to feel, and my life has been a study in not feeling anything at all. Not risking being hurt by allowing myself to feel. But what I feel when I’m with you is love. I’m certain of it. It can’t be anything else. Nothing else could feel this wonderful. I’ve never loved anyone else. Not like this, I mean. Just Carson and Chessy and Joss, of course, but what I feel for you in no way compares to how I feel about them. It scares me but at the same time it just feels . . . right.”

He gathered her more tightly in his arms, closing his eyes at the sudden swell of emotion that punched a hole in his chest. The courage it must have taken for her to say those words, especially after taking such a huge leap by trusting him to be intimate with her, was mind-boggling.

He was awed by the precious gift lying in his arms. Overcome by the fact that this brave, courageous woman loved him. He didn’t feel worthy of her love or her trust, but God, he wanted both. He wanted her with every breath in his body. He needed her like he needed air to breathe. She was the air he breathed. She’d so quickly become his reason to be. And he knew he’d never feel complete again without her. That he loved her unreservedly. That what he felt for her in no way came close to what he’d felt for anyone else in his life.

He stroked her hair, trying to compose himself. He didn’t want to mess this up. It was too important. She’d placed her trust, her faith and her well-being solidly in his hands and he wouldn’t fail her.

“I love you too, baby. So much. If you believe nothing else, believe that. I think I’ve loved you from the very first moment I laid eyes on you.”

She turned her face up from where it was buried in his chest and met his gaze, tears shimmering in those beautiful eyes.

“What are we going to do, Jensen? I know tonight was a huge step, but I know we have so many other issues to face. I don’t want to ever cause problems between us. I want your love. I need it. I never thought I’d want or need this connection to a man and it caught me by surprise. I was blindsided by you. You snuck up on me when I wasn’t looking and suddenly you were there—here,” she amended, placing her hand over her heart. “I don’t want to mess this up.”

He kissed her furrowed brow, trying to ease the strain that was so evident. Her words and expression were so earnest. So heartbreakingly vulnerable. He never wanted her to feel fear when she was with him, but some things were out of his control. He, who was used to absolute control in all aspects of his life, had to accept that when it came to this woman he was in no way in control of anything at all.

“It won’t be easy,” he said truthfully. “But nothing good or worthwhile is ever easy. We’ll work at it together. United, we can conquer anything. I want you to have faith in that. And the other thing you need to know is that I’m not going anywhere. No matter how hard it gets, no matter how difficult things may be, I’m here to stay and I’m never giving up on you or us.”

Tears glittered more brightly, clinging to her eyelashes, and finally slid soundlessly down her cheeks. He thumbed one away with a gentle touch, his heart aching at the fear and uncertainty in both her eyes and words.

“I won’t give up either,” she quietly vowed. “Don’t let me run, Jensen. Don’t let me hide from you—us. It’s what I do best. When things get sticky, I retreat, I run, and I stick my head in the sand where I know it’s safe. Don’t give up on me. I’ll try never to hurt you. I need you to believe that I want this. I want you and I want there to be an us.”