Flirting With Destiny(42)

She reached over and patted my hand. “I’d never think poorly of you, hon. Besides, how many men have you slept with in your life? Two?”

I nodded.

She groaned.

“I was always kinda proud of myself for that. You know, after the first time was so… so bad.” I shook off the memories. “I met Chip and thought he was the one. It was almost as if I could make up for my past mistakes, be the good girl I wasn’t before. Now look at me, set on a path of destruction again.”

Jules looked at me with sympathy and patted my hand. “Getting married doesn’t make you a good girl, Lauren. It doesn’t make the past go away and it doesn’t promise a happy future. You have this fairytale picture of what a relationship needs to look like in your head. It isn’t like that in real life.”

I knew she was right, but had always thought that if I wished on something hard enough, it would come true. I guess I needed to be more careful what I wished for.

“Jules, don’t you love Jack? I mean aren’t you afraid of losing it all? The house, the nice things, the money, the security?” Jules shrugged with a confidence I envied. She was willing to take a risk and that took guts.

“Sure, I love him, but I think it’s because we have given each other permission to see other people. We don’t long for anyone else in our bed. We don’t fantasize about someone else. We go out and come back sated. It actually helps us be closer.”

I stare at her, for the first time really understanding where she was coming from. “Maybe that makes me selfish,” she continued. “It’s hard to say… anyway, you only live once. He does his thing. I do my thing. And in the end, if nothing else works, I can always get another husband,” she replied flippantly and with a laugh, but I could see hint of pain in her eyes.

“What? You seem sad suddenly,” I probed gently.

She shrugged. “You know, I had the fairytale in my head too. I thought I knew what love would be like. It isn’t that way, not for me at least. So…” she shrugged again.

My best friend in the world had tears in her eyes, the first ones I’d seen in years. She had a husband, children and security, in addition to an open marriage where she could grab all the strangers she every wanted. And yet… she wasn’t happy either. Not deep down.

“A ring doesn’t guarantee anything, does it?” I asked.

She shook her head.

I pursed my lips, trying to find a way to approach this, and then said, “I’m a terrible person, Jules. I have a confession. When Aedyn came into town for his father’s funeral and I saw him for the first time, I got all hot and excited. He stepped out of the limousine and I saw how handsome he was, gorgeously handsome, built like a Greek god. I just thought he was a stranger. I had no idea I knew him, but that doesn’t matter. My point was, the moment I saw him, something sparked inside of me. Then, when we talked… we talked for what seemed like hours, and I don’t know what happened, but something came over me… like whoosh. Now, I can’t stop thinking about him. I know it’s crazy, but I feel alive again when I’m around him. My heart pounds, my palms sweat… I feel inspired again about life. Is that wrong of me to feel that way?”

She smiled at me, her eyes still shining but I could see the fun witty Jules coming back to life. “Ah, you’re in trouble now, sounds like you’ve got it bad for him. Do you like him or are you just hot for his ass? I’m telling you, boom, boom boom, get it on with him. Hot guy, big city, yea. You should totally go for it.”

“Jules!” I exclaimed.

“Let him pound that shit right out of you” She tossed her head back in laughter and the serious moments between us was broken.

“You’re not helping. I’m not you. I can’t just give in to my lust like you do. That’s all it is… lust. Right?”

“You’re preaching to the choir sister. I know exactly what you mean.” She tossed her napkin on the table, next to her empty cup and leaned back in her chair.

“God, I don’t know what I’m getting myself into.”

“When my gardener, Christian, comes on Wednesdays…”

“Oh Jules, doing the gardener, that’s so… cliché.”

“Who gives a fuck about cliché? The guy’s hung like a horse.”

I put my head in my hands and shook my head. “Oh please, don’t tell me.” Despite my efforts to stop her, she continued.

“Once, when he came to the house, Jack was gone out of town on a business trip and we did it right there in the Jacuzzi in the back yard.”