Flirting With Destiny(41)

“That’s exactly it. I thought I wanted that too. I thought the formality of being engaged would make our relationship better, like he’d calm down and stop being so jealous about every guy I talked to. If he’d proposed years ago, even weeks ago, everything would be different, but now… things have changed and I’m so screwed up, I can’t even think clearly.”

I knew what’d changed. It all started when Aedyn arrived, but I didn’t want to give voice to my thoughts about that until I knew for sure how I felt. So I began to rationalize my growing decision.

I sighed. “Maybe I do need to get away. Sometimes getting out of the usual daily routine helps broaden your perspective on things, you know what I mean?”

“Yea, I get you. Sometimes this small town feels like it’s crushing me, everybody knows everything about you. I think you should go and just do what you feel you have to do. Have one last hoorah before you get married… if you get married. Hell, guys do it at bachelor parties, why can’t women? Otherwise you’ll always wonder, what would’ve happened and all the “what if’s” will haunt your marriage.” Her eyes brightened. “I’m telling you, an out-of-town get away, and one good fuck from a super-hot guy… that should clear your mind for sure.” She tapped her finger on the table top. “You know, it’d be like comparison shopping before you settle down.” She laughed. Jules could see I was upset and this was her effort to try to pick up my mood. She raised her brows waiting for my answer. “Well?”

“Geez, you have a one track mind. So in your book, sex cures all?”

She shrugged. “I’m just saying…”

“Well, I’m not going there with the intentions of a ‘hook up’,” I argued, but Jules just rolled her eyes. In the back of my mind, I knew it would be difficult to resist. Jules was right about being out of town. It did have an otherworldly effect on reality, making it easier to forget your daily life and all your commitments. But getting away from the usual routine also allowed a kind of opening for things to surface that had been pushed down and I was sorely in need of that. I needed to look inside myself, and sort through my feelings. I’d already been playing a dangerous game in my head. I was comparing Aedyn to Chip and I realized it was the first step in giving credence to my doubts about the man I was supposed to marry.

“Soo, it sounds like you’ve made up your mind.”

I took a deep breath. “Okay, but I’m not going there for sex. I’m going there to figure things out. That’s all.”

“Okay, girl. Whatever you say. Do what you need to do, you know I won’t tell.”

“Oh god, this makes me so nervous. I have to come up with a lie to tell Chip. I’m going to hell for sure now.”

“Don’t worry, hon, I’ll be there with you.”

She laughed, but I groaned. “Yea, you, me and your gardener. Just tell me what I should say to Chip.”

“Okay, let’s see…” I waited impatiently as her eyes darted to the right and then back as if struck with an idea. “Say that you went with me to Chicago.”

“And…”

“And we went to look at wedding dresses.”

“That’s brilliant, but we have bridal shops here with dresses. Why would I need to go Chicago for a dress?”

“Tell him that you saw a particular dress in an ad in one of those bridal magazines you bought and it’s only sold in a store in Chicago. Plus, you have to try it on. These kinds of dresses can’t be ordered online from a picture in a magazine. It’s a special day and you want the perfect fit for your wedding day.” Jules finished with a smile and slapped her palm on the tabletop, quite pleased with herself.

“You think he’ll buy it? Chicago is pretty far.”

“Sarah Dorchester went all the way to the Mall of Minnesota to find her wedding dress. It was gorgeous. So it’s not so strange that you’d go as far as Chicago.”

“Okay, I guess that sounds good.” I pushed my hands over my face and into my hair, letting out a breath. “This is all so nerve wracking. I hope you won’t think poorly of me for this. It’s just that… I really need this. I need to get away from this place.”

Jules wasn’t the type of friend to judge me no matter what stupid things I’d done. I never told her what she should or shouldn’t do with the pool guy, or now the gardener. I needed to work through this myself, even if it turned out to be a mistake. Life was meant to be experienced. The good and the bad. If a person doesn’t experience the bad, they won’t know how good the good is when they find it.