Eternally Seduced(110)

"This is not..."

But Bryan was already carrying her out of the trailer van.

" … appropriate," she ended lamely as he walked faster than she ever saw him walk.



****



Staffan did his best to keep calm as he carried Saffi to his own trailer   –  the one he kept for show. He had another one parked far from the  crew's site, which he used to have his makeup and prosthetics done. He  had made sure that Saffi had her own as well, never mind if it set  tongues wagging. No fucking way would he have let his wife share a  fucking trailer with anyone who had a dick.

He gave his code gruffly and waited for Saffi to punch the numbers in so  that the doors to his trailer would automatically open. He wondered if  she realized that the numbers spelled her name.

"I'm really okay---"

She sounded extremely uneasy and he couldn't blame her. This was the  closest he had allowed himself to be with her, in his new disguise, and  he already knew it was a fucking mistake. Inside the trailer, he swiftly  lowered her to the sofa and moved away instantly, trying not to be  obvious as he struggled to get himself  –  and his dick  –  under control.  He willed his dick to die, but it was stubborn  –  as well as doing its  best to get past the padding that his prosthetics team painstakingly  applied to him every fucking day at four in the morning in his other  trailer.         

     



 

Sometimes, Staffan had been so fucking tired working his ass off for  those pretty boys that he slept in his disguise. He always regretted it  in the morning, feeling like he was burning up inside all the fucking  padding.

Two months, Staffan thought as he got the first-aid kit out and started  to assemble what he needed to clean and treat Saffi's wound. For two  fucking months he had been with Saffi, looking after her and only just  fucking able to look at her while all the other men did their best to  get into his wife's pants.

Only the members of the band and their manager had known who he was and  those fucking idiots had done their best to provoke him, flirting  outrageously with Saffi every time he was around.

"I'll clean your wound now," he declared gruffly.

She nodded.

Usually, she would talk a mile a minute when they were alone, even if  all he did was grunt and nod or shake his head. He didn't talk to her so  much because he didn't want to risk Saffi learning the truth before she  was ready. This time, she remained quiet as he strove to be as gentle  as possible in applying the ointment and bandaging her injured foot. He  cursed himself when he gazed at his handiwork. Every fucking time he  wanted to make her feel good, he just ended up making Saffi feel bad.

Was this a fucking omen?

He looked up, and his heart broke.

She had tears in her eyes as she choked out, "Did you really think … this close … I wouldn't know it was you?"

The tears started to fall and he couldn't bear it. He tried to take her  in his arms but she struggled, pushing him away. "Let me see you  first … please. I need to see it's really you." Saffi watched Staffan  remove his extremely elaborate disguise. Bit by bit, he returned to his  original persona  –  Sweden's #1 sex god, Mr. Fuckstatic  –  the rock star  she had fallen in love with.

"Staffan … "

This time when he took her in his arms she let him, and she sobbed on  his chest. She had missed him. Oh God, she had missed him even though  she had nightmares every night about what it would be like to see him.

Saffi had faithfully followed his movements online and though he had  posted daily  –  almost as if he was updating her indirectly  –  there had  been no pictures at all. It had made her uneasy, wondering if Staffan  was holed up somewhere with women to heal his broken heart. But now she  knew. Now she understood.

"Who knows about you?" she whispered.

"The boys and their manager." He lifted her chin up so their gazes could  meet, and his eyes searched her urgently as he asked unevenly, "Are you  angry … about what I've done?"

Should she be? She just couldn't make herself angry even if the answer  was supposed to be yes. He had been with her. Every day of the two  months she had healed  –  he had been there, and he had helped her heal  even though he had been pretending to be Bryan.

"What made you do this?" she asked tremulously.

His lips twisted. "You did. I remembered how you pretended to be H  –  and  how you changed my life completely as H, and I thought maybe this time I  could be the one to do it for you. Because I know … " Staffan inhaled  sharply. "I know that two months ago I wasn't the right person to make  you heal. No one could make you heal except yourself  –  and I had to do  what I could to make sure it happened."

She said quietly, "I miss her. Is that crazy?"

He flinched at the word. "No, baby, it's not. Because I miss her, too."  Staffan's arms tightened around her. "And I'm so fucking sorry for  saying you were crazy. You're never that, Saffi, never that. I just … I'm  the one who's fucking insane to have hurt you so much, to forget how  sweet and beautiful you are---"

Saffi put a finger on his lips. "I understand."

And the wealth of emotions in those two words broke him because Staffan  knew that she more than understood. She forgave him, completely,  selflessly.

"Ah, Saffi, I love you." He kissed her hair. "I love you so goddamn much  and no matter what happens, I will never ever fucking doubt you again."

She didn't pull away, but she didn't answer.

The silence hurt, but he didn't complain because he knew he deserved it  after all the things he had done to hurt her. She fell asleep in his  arms and he carried her to his bed. And then he sat across her, simply  watching Saffi because right now Staffan felt it was the only thing he  deserved to do.



****



Staffan was gone when she woke up, and she stretched her body  luxuriously, feeling like she hadn't slept this well for weeks. She  hopped on one foot out of his trailer and the moment she did, Saffi  realized one thing.

Staffan might be gone  –  but the entire world was still there.

The entire crew of Celsius stopped at the sight of her coming out of Staffan's van.

The Celsius boys were there, too, and all four of them made an "ooooooh"  sound of interest. The entire crew laughed, just in time for Staffan to  stride back into the site, dressed as Bryan once more and carrying  boxes of supplies.

He didn't appear to notice how all the gazes followed him as he walked  right up to her. He smiled at her and when he did, Saffi felt faint  because she no longer saw Bryan. She saw Staffan and he was beautiful.

"Good morning," he said in his usual gruff voice. "Did you sleep well?"

Before she could answer, one of the guys behind them made a choking sound. "What the fuck? She went for the redhead fattie?"

Saffi colored at the words. It didn't feel right for anyone to doubt  Staffan's worth over her. "I'm sorry," she said with a wince.

Staffan shrugged. "He is right. I don't deserve you." He paused, his  face hardening. "But it doesn't mean I'm giving you up without trying my  damnedest to make you love me again."

The entire crew didn't stop ribbing them throughout the day and well  into the night, which was the last performance of the band before they  were scheduled to go on a short hiatus. Staffan took everything in  stride, but for the life of her, Saffi couldn't do the same. All the  time they teased Staffan mercilessly for aiming for someone who was  "out" of his league, she wanted to melt into the ground.

That's Staffan Aehrenthal you're talking to, she wanted to shriek at them. He deserved any girl he wanted! Any girl!

Or at least he deserved anyone … except her.

"Let's watch the concert together?" Staffan suddenly appeared at her  side just as she finished double-checking the last set of wardrobe  change for the band.

She started at his invitation.

He smiled wryly. "It's our only chance when I'm … like this."

Her eyes widened at understanding and she heard herself saying shyly, "Yes."

It was surreal, watching the concert with thousands of girls who  probably knew him but did not pay attention to Staffan because of his  disguise. As Celsius started to sing its last song, she felt Staffan  taking her hand slowly in his.

And she let him.

By the middle of the song, Staffan had his arm around her shoulders and  she was leaning against him. It felt completely natural for him to lift  her face up to take her lips for a kiss. But she wrenched away before  their lips could meet, her heart screaming in protest even as every cell  in her body hungered to be reawakened by his touch.

"Saffi." Staffan tried his best to keep his voice level even though his  heart was beating so loudly he could barely hear himself. It didn't help  that they were also in the middle of a fucking insane crowd of Celsius  fanatics.