Eternally Seduced(109)

The words were too much. The pain was too much. There was no way to  prepare herself for Staffan's words and Saffi ran, needing to get far  away from Staffan as possible. She stumbled at the first step and then  she was falling, sobbing as she fell on her hands and knees.

When she looked up, Staffan was there.

"Saffi … "

She shook her head at him. All Saffi could here was her baby's silent  screams. Her little girl  –  her little Lace  –  was crying all alone and it  was all her goddamn fault. "My fault," she managed to gasp and the  tears started falling. "It was my fault she died."

Staffan hauled her to his arms. "No, baby, it's not. It's not your fault---"         

     



 

She was stiff and unyielding in his arms even as she cried. She could  not allow herself to draw comfort from his touch. "You don't  understand," Saffi whispered. "I was so selfish. That one weekend when I  risked everything  –  my father's campaign, my betrothal to Jeremy … with  my lies, I even risked hurting you and then her."

The defeat in her voice terrified Staffan. "Look at me, baby. It's not  your fault. It could never be your fault. If it's anyone's fault, then  it's mine because I didn't take care of you."

But she still did not answer, and it felt like he was losing her all over again.

"Saffi, please … forgive me. Please say you'll forgive me."

He looked up at the tender touch of her hand against his cheek, but the  look on her face made him swallow in fear. "I do forgive you, Staffan."

But somehow, the words didn't comfort him.

"But it's my punishment to be alone, for being selfish … for being stupid … for being … " She choked the word out, " … crazy."

He flinched. "Saffi, I didn't mean it. I didn't fucking mean any of  those." His voice became desperate and urgent. "I just wanted---"

"You don't have to explain." She pushed him away, and she felt so  fucking fragile he had to let her go, feeling like if he kept holding  her, Saffi would break.

She came to her feet like she was broken inside and her limbs weren't working like they should be.

He remained on his knees. "Saffi, I love you. Please. I love you."

"I need a divorce. I don't just want it, Staffan." And then she was  begging him too, and with that tone Staffan knew he would give her  anything she asked for, even if it meant killing a part of him. "I need  that divorce."





Chapter Thirteen




Good morning. Just had a tuna sandwich for breakfast  –  too much work to do. Don't ask why. I can't tell.

Twitter: Official_Staffan_Aehrenthal



"He's blackmailing me?" Saffi choked out a month later. Constantijin's  politely worded request to meet with her had initially made her wary.  Her lawyers had been doing their best to get Staffan to sign the divorce  papers to no avail. She had feared that Constantijin would plead his  case, but instead what he was asking her to do  –  what he was telling her  Staffan wanted Saffi to do  –  left her completely bemused.

Constantijin's face remained expressionless although his eyes were  sympathetic. "No, Saffi. All he wants is for you to agree to his terms.  And if you do, then at the end of the time period, you will have your  divorce."

"What does he want? That we stay married?"

He shook his head.

She wasn't even hurt. These days, she would be lucky if she felt a thing. "Then what?"

"He wants you to temporarily take over as the P.A. to Celsius."

She could only look at Constantijin dumbly.

Seeing her dumbfounded gaze, he repeated his words patiently. It hurt to  see his friend's wife look so frail and thin. He had no idea if  Staffan's plan would work, but for both their sakes he hoped it would.  Saffi was close to needing an intervention by the looks of it, and  Staffan didn't look any much better.

After Saffi had left, Staffan walked into the conference room. He had  watched the entire meeting through the CCTV system installed in  Constantijin's private office, and his heart bled for every second that  he stared at Saffi and saw how lifeless she still looked.

She wasn't moving on, and he fucking doubted that giving her a divorce  would make her start living again. If he truly believed divorcing him  would have made Saffi feel better, he would have been the first one to  forge her signature on the papers just to be done with it.

But a divorce wasn't the answer. Maybe he wasn't either, but that didn't fucking matter.

Constantijin handed him the contract. "I hope this will make you feel better now."

Staffan answered harshly, "I will feel better when she's better."



****



"NO MORE FANGIRLS! THE ROOM'S PACKED!" Saffi was shouting two months later.

The crestfallen expressions on the faces of the girls lined up outside the trailer van made Saffi guilty.

"Please, we waited so long … "

"We just want one chance to be close to them … "

Oh my God, these girls were crafty! Saffi knew from Twitter's fangirl  grapevine that word had already gotten out about how much of a softie  she was. Pulling her head back, she peeked at the Celsius guys, who were  grinning at her.

She counted the girls with them. One, two, three … seven in all. If one  guy could please three girls at the same time … she calculated it mentally  then poked her head back out. "Okay, fine, five more and that's it!"  Saffi hurriedly went back in before the others could guilt-trip her into  agreeing to more compromises.

The Celsius boys were laughing at her. After spending just a week with  them, Saffi had stopped being tongue-tied in their presence. Now, she  looked at them as her boys, the way mother hens looked at its chicks.

"What's with five," Calvin, the youngest of the group, asked curiously.

She fidgeted.

Wynd, the leader of the group, looked at her with interest. "Okay, ‘fess up  –  how did you arrive at that number?"

"Well … " Seeing in their faces that they wouldn't let go until she  answered them truthfully, Saffi sighed, mumbling, "I just thought that  if a guy could please three girls at the same time, and then I  multiplied that by 4, so that makes 12. We already have seven---" She  stopped explaining as the entire van rocked with the boy band's  laughter. Even the fangirls were giggling.

"It's not that funny," Saffi protested. "I really was giving you the benefit of the doubt!"

Aaron, the biggest flirt of the four, sauntered towards her. "You don't  understand, Saffi, my love." He had the cutest accent as well, like a  mixture of British, American, and Korean, that even now Saffi couldn't  help but swallow hard at the sound of it. "We're just impressed at, ahh,  how logical you dealt with the problem."

"But I have to ask," the serious-minded Leo drawled. "Why did you think that one guy can only please three?"

She blinked. "How can a guy please more? One girl in each hand, and then  one girl---" She stopped, seeing that the boys were doing their best to  suppress their laughter. Ah, dammit, they had successfully baited her  into answering one of their silly questions again!

"Ha-ha, very funny!"

The door opened and her assistant P.A. came in, carrying a case of beer  for the crew. He was red-haired, freckled, and chubby with the sweetest  and quietest disposition, unable to look at Saffi directly whenever she  had to talk to him and always keeping at least a foot of distance  between them.

"Hi, Bryan," she greeted him cheerfully, hoping this would be the night that he would finally warm up to her.

He mumbled a greeting.

She had to smile sheepishly at Bryan's typical response. "You kill me,  Bry. You really do. Am I that bad?" Saffi teased him, but she was only  half-serious. Sometimes, she couldn't help but feel like she had this  viral infection that kept Bryan away from her.

The others laughed at her question, but she and Bryan ignored them. Of course he didn't answer her either.

Saffi waited for him to distribute the beer then started to help him  stack the freezer with the rest of the bottles. At the first step she  took to get closer to him, he accidentally dropped a bottle on her foot  and she cried out in pain as the bottle broke into pieces, its shards  biting into the tender skin of one sandal-clad foot.

"Fuck! You okay, Saffi?" The entire band had surrounded her in an  instant, but when she looked up, she was surprised to see that Bryan was  the one closest to her and his chubby face was clenched hard with  worry.

"Are you okay?" he asked in his usual gruff voice.

She nodded. "It just hurts a little." She managed a smile even though her foot stung like hell.

Bryan looked like he wanted to kill himself.

Her heart went out to him. "It's okay, really, Bryan."

"Sorry," he mumbled. "My fault … let me help you." And then he was  swinging her into his arms, making Saffi gasp in shock. For a rather  unwieldy guy, he felt exceptionally strong.