Drowned Wednesday(62)

Arthur’s heart sank. She was too small to be a Denizen, but Dame Primus had obviously sent someone else, one of the Piper’s children more to her liking. Not the ragamuffin Suzy Blue.

Still, she would have messages, which could be important. With a sigh that he didn’t even try to suppress, Arthur slid between the chairs to approach the girl.

She turned her head very elegantly as Arthur sighed. Though the huge hat shadowed her face, Arthur recognised the sharp, dark-eyed face underneath. He tripped over his own feet and hit the shin of his good leg on the chair next to her.

‘Lord Arthur, I presume?’

Arthur recovered his balance and frowned. She looked like Suzy Blue, but her voice didn’t sound quite right. She certainly didn’t dress like Suzy Blue.

‘Suzy?’

‘My name is Suzanna,’ said the girl.

‘Suzy Turquoise Blue,’ said Arthur, with more conviction. It was Suzy, just all cleaned up and nicely dressed, and putting on a different voice.

‘Suzanna Monday’s Tierce,’ corrected the girl. ‘That is my name and station.’

‘What’s happened to you?’ burst out Arthur. ‘I can’t believe you’re acting like . . . like . . .’

‘A properly brought-up young mortal,’ said Suzy. ‘That is the standard Dame Primus has set for me and that I try to attain. Please, do sit down, Lord Arthur. Would you like a cup of this rather strong, but quite refreshing, tea?’

Arthur sat down with a thump. He’d really been looking forward to seeing Suzy again, and having her help. This beautifully dressed, ramrod-straight girl might look like Suzy, but she might as well be an imposter. He couldn’t see her being much help. She probably wouldn’t want to leave the submarine.

‘Do you have any messages from Dame Primus?’ he asked abruptly.

‘Tea?’ responded Suzanna.

‘Just the messages, if you have any.’

‘La! You are in a fearful rush!’ protested Suzy. She put her teacup down with agonising slowness and took a small silk handbag out of her lap. It was a delicate shade of pink. Arthur almost couldn’t bear to look at it. Suzy Turquoise Blue was a brave adventurer, not someone who carried around a tiny pink handbag and said ‘La!’

Suzy reached into the bag and withdrew a tiny square of paper that grew as it came out, to become a larger envelope of stiff, heavy paper, sealed with a huge red wax seal that showed the stern profile of Dame Primus. Without a laurel wreath, Arthur noticed.

‘With the compliments of Dame Primus,’ said Suzy, passing it over with a very fake-looking smile.

Arthur snatched the letter. As he bent it to break the seal, he saw Doctor Scamandros out of the corner of his eye. The little sorcerer was being assisted to one of the chairs by the same Rat who’d shown Arthur in.

Up the front, Longtayle and the helmsrat sat down in the control chairs. Longtayle raised a pipe to his mouth and spoke into it. His amplified words crackled out of a speaker hidden somewhere above Arthur’s head, and could be heard echoing up from the corridor behind as well.

‘All hands to diving stations! Sections report when secure!’

Arthur opened the envelope. Like most letters in the House, there was no separate sheet of paper. The writing was all on the inside of the envelope. Arthur unfolded it completely and paused to listen as other Rats’ voices crackled and echoed through the loudspeaker system.

‘Engine room ready.’

‘Auxiliaries ready.’

‘Air circulation ready!’

‘Tower secure!’

‘Foresnout ready.’

Longtayle spoke to the helmsrat. Arthur started to read his letter.

To Arthur, Rightful Heir to the Keys to the Kingdom and Master of the Lower House, the Middle House, the Upper House, the Far Reaches, the Great Maze, the Incomparable Gardens, the Border Sea, and those Infinite Territories beyond the House commonly called the Secondary Realms.



Greetings from your faithful servant, Dame Primus, Amalgam of Parts One and Two (comprising Paragraphs Three to Thirteen) of the Will of Our Supreme Creator, Ultimate Architect of All and Steward of the Lower House and the Far Reaches in trust for the Rightful Heir.



This missive is conveyed to you by the hand of our good and faithful Miss Suzanna Monday’s Tierce. We trust it finds you well.



Get on with it, thought Arthur.

We are delighted to hear that you have once again chosen to prosecute the campaign against the vile and treacherous Morrow Days. We are not pleased that you have chosen to make alliance with Drowned Wednesday, as we fear that she clouds her true purpose. Do not trust her!



We are currently besieged by papers, as the Morrow Days seek to render us immobile and ineffective under a deluge of administrative tasks — a clever tactic made easier for them by Monday’s many millennia of sloth.