Dream Wedding(129)

What had happened? Why her? She wasn’t his type. He ignored the voice inside that whispered he didn’t have a type. She was too young, too inexperienced, too different from the women who regularly drifted through his world.

He leaned back in his chair. It didn’t matter, he realized. Right type or not, engaged or not, working for him or not, he wanted her. Something had happened between them. Not just tonight, although the kiss had been glorious, but before. He’d noticed her. He’d seen that she was a bright, funny, pretty, charming woman and he’d wanted her. Now he didn’t know how to change his feelings so that he didn’t get excited every time he saw her or thought about her.

The realization confused him. Something was happening to him—he was changing. He was no longer the man he’d been when he’d first arrived in Bradley to clear up his brother’s estate. Some of the changes had come about because of Sasha. He was growing to care about the little girl. But some of the changes were about Cassie’s influence on him.

What was happening to him and how could he make it stop? He’d done so well for so long by ignoring his feelings. He didn’t want to have to deal with them now. Unfortunately, he wasn’t being given a choice.

His world had just gotten very complicated.

He reminded himself that he didn’t want a commitment. Unfortunately, Cassie was the kind of woman men married, not the kind they had an affair with. There was also the issue of her engagement, not to mention her employment with him. He didn’t have a choice in the matter. He was going to have to apologize and promise that it would never happen again. That wouldn’t make it right, but it was the best he could do. Actually it was the best he was willing to do. After all, he could offer to terminate her so that she could get back to her regular life.

But the thought of Cassie leaving was physically painful, and it wasn’t all about having to deal with Sasha on his own. He knew instinctively that it would be difficult for him to go through his day without seeing Cassie. He didn’t even want to think about what that meant.

So instead he would apologize to Cassie in the morning and promise that she would always be safe from him. He would hide his wanting; he would stop thinking about her as much. He would attempt to go back to the man he had been before, even though he had a bad feeling it was going to be a nearly impossible task. He’d seen the light and he doubted he would willingly return to the darkness.

* * *

THE FIRST FINGERS of dawn crept around the closed drapes. Cassie pulled her knees more tightly to her chest and watched as the room slowly brightened. She’d been awake for much of the night, thinking about the kiss.

It was such a simple act, she thought. A type of contact millions of people had every day. Family members kissed hello or goodbye, old friends often greeted each other with a kiss. She’d kissed her sister, her parents, her aunt and, of course, Joel. But nothing had prepared her for the impact of Ryan’s kiss. She was still surprised there weren’t scorch marks on her hands and face from the heat of their contact. She’d relived the kiss a hundred times in the long night and each time the memory had made her shiver with longing.

Her body had come alive in his arms. She’d finally understood why lovers risked death to be together. She’d read once that when a woman truly bonds with a man that just the idea of being with a different man could physically make her sick to her stomach. Cassie had always thought that was a lot of nonsense, but now she wasn’t so sure. She didn’t know exactly what steps were necessary to bond a woman to a man. She suspected they first had to make love, to establish a biological as well as an emotional connection. But she understood the part about not wanting to be with anyone else. Just the thought of another man’s kiss made her flinch.

The world had become a confusing place. On the one hand, Ryan’s kiss had explained so much to her. She felt as if she’d finally seen through a previously closed door. She had shared a common human experience.

Cassie dropped her head to her knees and sighed. But on the other hand, what she’d done was wrong. There were no words to pretty up the truth. She had a commitment to Joel and she’d violated his trust in her. Maybe she’d been a little annoyed because he hadn’t been concerned about her living in Ryan’s house, but that didn’t give her the right to create a situation in which he would be concerned. She owed him her loyalty.

Ryan was just a crush, she reminded herself once again. As such, she owed him nothing. He might be a flesh and blood man, but their worlds were so different, he might as well be a movie star. She had as much in common with him as she did with someone famous. Except…