Dream Wedding(126)

Ryan knew exactly what she was thinking. “Sometimes you wish he would be a little worried, and other times you wish you could dream about someone else.”

Her eyes widened. “How did you know?” She leaned forward and covered her face with her hands. “I don’t want to know what you’re thinking. I know that’s horribly disloyal and makes me an awful person.”

He moved toward her and placed his hand on her forearm. “Don’t think that for a second, Cassie. You’re a sweet, good young woman. Why shouldn’t you have a few dreams? You said yourself that you and Joel were waiting until you were sure. Doesn’t that mean considering other possibilities? Besides, it’s not as if you’re acting on these thoughts. I don’t see you out dating other men.” Even though you should, he added silently, thinking that he would like to go to the top of that list.

He pushed the inappropriate desire away. “Don’t feel guilty about what you want. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

She raised her head and looked at him. Her smile trembled a little at the corners, but it was still pretty. She had a lovely smile. Had he noticed that before?

“Thank you,” she told him. “You’re very kind.”

Kind. There was a word every man was just dying to have applied to himself. Kind. Maybe she could throw in loyal and trustworthy. Then he could feel really macho.

This was a mistake, he thought grimly. He was getting involved in something that didn’t concern him. Cassie was his employee, nothing more. They shouldn’t be having this personal conversation.

“Have you ever been married?” she asked.

He’d been about to stand up and excuse himself, but her question was as effective as a seat belt at keeping him in his chair. “No,” he told her.

“Why not?”

“I never wanted to.”

She looked shocked. “Are you saying you’ve never fallen in love?”

The truth was, he hadn’t. But admitting that made him feel that there was something wrong with him. “I never had the time,” he answered instead. “I was too involved with work, then with starting my company. There was no room for much of a personal life.”

“I see.” Her gaze was steady on his face and he wondered what exactly it was she saw.

“That’s going to have to be different now,” she said. “I’m not suggesting you marry for Sasha’s sake, but you are going to have to be around to spend time with her.”

“I know.” Everything was changing—he could feel it. Somehow when he wasn’t looking, his life had taken an unexpected turn. “What about you?” he asked. “What’s next? Marriage to Joel? To be honest, I’m surprised he’s been willing to wait so long. If I were him I would be worried about that magic nightgown and I would want to sweep you off your feet.”

“As nice as that sounds, Joel isn’t the sweeping kind.”

She made the statement matter-of-factly, but Ryan thought he could read between the lines. Perhaps Cassie wasn’t waiting for her twenty-fifth birthday and the promise of the family legend as much as she was waiting for romance. She wanted Joel to want her enough to be unhappy about any delay. How else was Joel letting her down?

Ryan remembered her few dates with Joel since she’d been in his employ. She’d been back before eleven each time. It wasn’t his place to speculate and he was probably wrong about everything, but he couldn’t help wondering what that meant. Didn’t Joel know what a prize he held? On the heels of that thought came the realization that he would side with Cassie’s sister any day. To his mind, Cassie was settling.

“You’ve been with Joel for years,” he said. “You were very young when you started dating him. Maybe you should go out and explore the world before getting married.”

“You don’t actually mean the world,” she said. “You think I should date other men.”

“I think you should be very sure.”

She rose to her feet and crossed to the bay window. The lights from the room made the glass reflect images like a mirror. He could see her face, her thoughtful expression. She folded her arms over her chest as if to protect herself from danger.

“I’ve had this exact conversation with myself,” she admitted. “Sometimes I’m completely sure and others…” Her voice trailed off.

“How do you know?” she asked softly. “I love Joel, but I don’t know what kind of love we share. He’s easy for me to be around. I like him. I respect him. But sometimes I’m afraid I love him more like a brother than a husband.” She drew in a breath. “We’re long on conversation but short on passion. I tell myself that shouldn’t matter, but I’m just not sure.”