Dr. Neurotic(28)

Technically, I wasn't lying. My phone was on silent, and I had rewatched  the entire first season of GoT. Well, yesterday, but that's just minor  details, right?



Nick: I'm glad you're feeling better. I was starting to worry.



Nick: I miss you. When can I see you?



I miss you. Tears swallowed my eyes, and my heart ached at his words.

Fuck, I missed him, too.

I dropped my phone onto the empty cushion beside me and buried my head in my hands.

I couldn't stop the tears after that. Like a faucet, the liquid emotion  rolled down my cheeks in a big, fat stream. I was a mess, and worst of  all, I had a feeling that soon, I'd always be missing him.         

     



 





It'd been the longest weekend with Lexi of my life.

Not because I didn't like the time I'd spent with her or because she'd  been any less amusing in every aspect of her day, but because I'd texted  Charlotte what felt like forty-five times and only gotten five in  return-quite brusque in nature, at that-and every time I'd attempted to  call, she'd declined to answer.

So, as soon as I'd dropped Lexi off, I'd gone right to Moon Grill and  gotten the biggest tub of chicken noodle soup they sold, and then come  straight to Chinatown to the shitty apartment Charlotte was still living  in, thanks to Harry and Doreen. She'd yet to work up the courage to  kick them out.

I didn't blame her. They were about the nicest people on the planet, and  if I owned the house, I'd probably just wait them out until they died.  Unless they made a bid to become the oldest people on the planet, it'd  be within a decade.

"Charlotte," I called, knocking on the door for the second time since  I'd arrived. I could hear her moving around inside, but she'd yet to say  anything-or make her way to the door-and I was officially starting to  worry.

"Come on, Char. Open up, please."

When she finally opened the door thirty seconds later, my whole world collapsed.

Tearstained and mottled red, her skin looked like she hadn't slept in  days. Her eyes were swollen, their sea-blue color a muddy lake water  color, and she couldn't even look me in the eye.

"Jesus Christ," I whispered, rushing inside and taking her back with me  until the sound of the door slamming rang out behind me. "What happened,  baby? Are you okay?"

She bit her lip, and her crying renewed, two fresh tears cutting edgy tracks down her tortured skin.

"Sweet Jesus, Char. Calm down. Tell me what I can do. Are you just sick?"

She shook her head and collapsed to the couch, so I set the soup  recklessly on the coffee table and followed her down, framing her jaw  with my hands until her wet eyes met mine again.

"I just … I can't believe this is happening. Three days to think it through, and I still can't believe this is happening."

"This? What is this? Help me out here, sweetheart."

She took a deep, shaky breath and shrugged my hands off her jaw. Her  energy was palpable as she jumped up from the couch again and started to  pace like a lion in the zoo. I followed her every move as she worked up  the courage to get started.

"Oh God. I can't believe this. I just can't-"

"Charlotte," I said her name in an attempt to redirect her. She was all  over the place, and I really needed clear, concise answers. My mind was  beginning to get the best of me, and only worst-case scenarios were  filling my thoughts.

"Okay," she proclaimed, clenching her fists and turning toward me, her  every facet an absolute mess. "You know how I told you about leaving a  guy at the altar?"

My eyebrows pulled together, and she snapped, "At trivia night!"

"I know," I consoled. "I'm just confused about the direction of this conversation. But I'm sorry, go on."

"Well, apparently, you know him. Apparently, you know him well."

"I know him?" I asked, mystified. "I don't even have any friends outside  of my daughter and work." I chuckled. "How could I know him?"

"Because it's Remy."

"What's Remy?" I asked like an idiot, completely unwilling to entertain any logical possibility.

She nearly crumpled, her eyes closing as fresh tears ran down her face  and her body curling into itself shakily. "The guy. The guy I left the  night before our wedding when I was twenty-two years old. The guy who's  your daughter's uncle. The guy who hates me more than anyone has ever  hated me and would never, ever be okay with me dating you."

Words had left me, shock taking root at my throat and making speech impossible.

Once nausea replaced the shock, I jumped from the couch, feeling  sickness climb the column of my throat so convincingly, I ran for the  bathroom. I was hunched over the toilet when Charlotte made it to the  door.

Seeing me like that only made it worse.

"I'm sorry. God, Nick, I had no idea. I didn't know Lexi's mom was  Winnie until you said it Friday night, and even then, I hoped I was  wrong. But when you said you had to pick her up from Remy's, I couldn't  pretend it was all a big coincidence anymore. And I couldn't face you."

She sobbed, big and body-racking. "I couldn't meet Lexi knowing what I knew then."

Convinced no actual vomit was going to make it out of my mouth, I fell  back from my position over the toilet, lifted my knees, and put my back  to the wall.         

     



 

Charlotte sank to her knees in front of me.

"I can't believe this is happening. Thirty-four fucking years of my  life, and I'm finally happy, like fucking deliriously happy, and my  biggest mistake comes back to haunt me."

I heard her talking, saw the tears as they ran down her cheeks, but I could only think of a single word.

Lexi.

The center of my world and one of the smartest girls on the planet-and  the most important factor, an uncle-worshiping niece. She loved Remy to  her core, and he loved her the very same.

He wasn't a member of the family we saw on occasion or the kind of guy  who forgave and forgot without pause. He was a stubborn staple of our  lives, and he'd had his heart broken twelve years ago by the woman I was  now in love with.

I didn't think that was something people got over, looked past-learned  to love. Especially not for a guy they only tolerated to begin with.

Because that was the impossible reality I really wanted, right? To have  Charlotte be a part of our mixed lives. Dinner dates with Winnie and  Wes, and family barbeques where Lexi could be immersed in a world with  all the people she loved.

Three words distorted my pleasant visualization, and they weren't distorted at all: Not fucking likely.

"Char … "

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" she whispered, her voice a tortured shell of itself.

It felt like glass had shattered in my throat as I forced the words out.  "I left when Winnie was pregnant with Lexi. I sent money, worked my ass  off to provide them financial stability, and I called on occasion, but I  was a shitty fucking father. Winnie decides when I see Lexi and when I  don't, and Remy already strongly dislikes me at best. I can't … "

She nodded, sinking to her own ass and putting her face in her hands.

I moved to her slowly, carefully, and lifted her up to settle her ass  into my lap. She turned her face into my throat and sobbed. I hugged her  tight, tighter than I ever had before and forced myself to say the  words even though I didn't want to. "I can't risk it."

The only problem, my subconscious whispered, is that, thanks to the cameras, you probably already have.

Fucking fuuuuck.





I wasn't even sure how much time had passed since Nick had broken up  with me. A few weeks? A month? A year? It could have been any of those  options at this point. Every day felt longer than the last, and the  incessant pain of missing him hadn't waned.

There was nothing worse than missing someone. Especially when that  someone would never be yours again. It was a constant battle between  your head and your heart. You knew you should move on, your head  reminded you of that every day, but your heart, well, it wouldn't let  go. It seemed content in misery, giving off the impression that you'd  never be able to get over that person.

I'd spent the past week and a half distracting my mind with work. I'd go  into the office early, and if I was working from home, I generally  worked through the late-evening hours for lack of anything better to do.

The money I'd made in commission and bonuses in that span of time was  nearly double what I'd earned in the previous month. I guessed I could  have treated myself, spent a few hours shopping Fifth Avenue, but what  was money, or material things for that matter, if you weren't happy?

Nothing. It meant nothing and did nothing to soothe the constant ache stemming from the bottomless pit of heartbreak.

And the realization that made it even worse? I'd understood why Nick had  ended things. I hadn't blamed him for not taking any chances when it  came to his daughter. Which meant I didn't even have anger to fall back  on.

If anything, I loved the fucker more.

It was a real fucking bitch.

My phone pinged loudly in my small, loft apartment, and I already knew  who it was before I snagged my phone off the coffee table to look at the  message. My best friends had been trying their damnedest to get me out  of the apartment-so far, to no avail.