Dr. Neurotic(26)

And if I was being honest with myself, it had everything to do with love.

I was in love with Nick, and for the first time in a very long time,  that word didn't scare the ever-living hell out of me. It only felt  right.





I was halfway to Winnie's house when my phone rang in my pocket. I  struggled to free it as I made my way up the steps from the subway, and  by the time I got it to my ear, it had stopped ringing.

My eyebrows pulled together as I spotted Winnie's name on the screen as a missed call.
         

     



 
With a quick hit, I redialed her number and put the phone to my ear,  stepping to the side of the sidewalk and out of foot traffic to talk to  her.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Win. What's up? I was still working my way out of the subway and couldn't get to my phone fast enough to answer."

"Oh, shoot. You're already that close?"

My heart sank as the possibility of her going back on my having Lexi  this weekend played out in my mind. She hadn't done that since she'd  agreed to our schedule, so I was sure there was a good reason, but that  didn't stop it from being disappointing.

"Yeah. Why? Is something wrong?"

"Ow! Fuck. Watch where you're going!" she yelled on the other end, and  despite myself, I smiled. Obviously, she was walking and talking, unlike  me, and paying the consequence.

"You all right?"

She laughed. "Yeah, fine. I think I just elbowed a grandmother in the tit, but I'm fine."

I chuckled and looked to my feet. "So, what's up?" I asked again.

"Sorry. I was calling because I got called in to a team thing at the  Empire State Building. It was just supposed to be a show, a run the  stairs kind of thing, but one of our idiot players fucked up and got  hurt. They took him to the closest hospital, but Wes refuses to listen  to some other doctor's opinion. So I couldn't get Lexi from dance. She's  at Remy's with him since he was at rehearsal with her anyway. I still  can't fucking believe he agreed to do that."

I smiled. As much as I butted heads with him, one thing was undeniable. "He loves her."

"That he does. The annoying jackass."

I laughed again. "So, do you need me to wait a couple of hours, or can I go there to get her?"

"Oh no, no. I'm sorry. I don't want you to miss time, I know how much  she was looking forward to it, so absolutely go there. If she doesn't  get Vinito's every other Friday night, I'll never hear the end of it.  You might not get a warm reception from Remy, but them's the breaks."

"Fair enough," I agreed with a smile she couldn't see. Even though I was  on the shit end of the business, it still amused me that Winnie got a  little bit of pleasure from fucking with me. It reminded me of why I'd  once loved her so much.

At the thought of love, I clenched my free fist and my eyes as my  stomach churned with nervousness. I was completely uncertain how the  subject of Charlotte would go over, but I had to try. For me, for  her-even for what I knew Charlotte could give Lexi in her life-I had to  try.

"Look, Win. Before you go … "

"Yeah?"

I paused and took a deep breath. "I just thought you deserved to know that I've been dating someone."

She guffawed, the sound of her insanely tickled laugh piercing me right  in the eardrum. I had to pull the phone away from my ear to get some  relief as she continued for the next fifteen seconds. When the space  between the buildings I'd stopped next to ceased ringing, I put the  phone back to my ear to hear the undoubtedly mocking words that would  accompany such a laugh. "No kidding. I swear to God, whoever she is,  it's like she injected you with sunshine."

I looked to my toes and self-consciously scuffed at the sidewalk with one. "I guess I'll take that as a compliment."

"It is. Of you. Of her. It's working for you, obviously."

"Great," I breathed. "I'm glad you think that. Because, if it's okay  with you, I was thinking I would invite her to dinner with Lexi and me  tonight, so they could meet."

I didn't tell Winnie I'd already invited Charlotte because, yeah. Some  white lies were just better, especially if the truth painted you-read  me-in a not-so-flattering light. I should have asked Winnie first. But I  was sure Charlotte would understand if I had to cancel on her.

Of course, Winnie was too fucking smart to fool.

"You already invited her, didn't you?"

I groaned. "I'm sorry. Was that a dick move?"

"Maybe. But fuck, Nick, I'm used to a lot worse from you."

I winced at the truth of it-cowered a little at how bad it made me feel.  Even though I had finally turned things around and focused on the right  priorities in my life-number one being my daughter-my past mistakes  were still haunting me. I deserved it, though. From Winnie, especially.

"But I'm fine with it," she added. "You thinking like this is at least  thinking like a parent. Your timing is off in a couple of aspects, but  hell, that's most of my experience of being a parent too. It's fine if  they meet. Just don't expect Lexi to like her automatically."         

     



 

I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "I know. But she's got good  taste. And so do I. I'm an idiot a lot, but I had a beautiful,  intelligent daughter with you, so I can't be all bad."

Her answering laughter nearly pierced my ear. "Well, you're right about that. I am the best."

I shook my head after hanging up and looked on my phone for the best  route to Remy's place. It was across town and not somewhere I went a  whole hell of a lot, so I wasn't sure which train I needed to take to  get closest.

Route sorted, I started to walk again before realizing my little detour  was going to make Lexi and me late, and Charlotte was a Vinito's newbie.  Not only did she not know how to handle it properly and efficiently  like we did, but I wanted her to experience Lexi and how fun she was  while she fought to get us a seat. And I wanted Lexi to see how much  Charlotte would enjoy it. A little bit of awesome meets awesome in their  awesomest form.

Lexi would like Charlotte, and Charlotte would love Lexi. I knew it.

But …

It never hurt to stack the deck.



Me: Hey, sweetheart. I ran it by Winnie, and we're good to go for  Vinito's tonight. BUT, Lexi and I are going to be a little late, so I'll  call you again with a definite time. I've got to get her from her  uncle's house across town, and I didn't realize. Sorry.



Charlotte: Winnie?



I frowned. Had I really never mentioned her name before? I scanned all of our conversations like a rolodex and came up empty.

I guess I hadn't.

I typed out a quick explanation.



Me: Lexi's mom. Sorry. Just realized I've never mentioned her name before. I'll call you when we leave for the restaurant.



I was about to put my phone away when it buzzed another time.



Charlotte: From Lexi's uncle's?



I nearly laughed at her curiosity and how I very much didn't have time  for it right now, but I indulged her anyway. I had a feeling there  wasn't much of anything I wouldn't indulge Charlotte in if she asked.



Me: Yeah. Remy. He's one of Winnie's four brothers. Lucky me, right? LOL Really gotta go, sweetheart. Call you soon.



It only took about ten minutes to make my way back down to the subway  platform and catch the train I needed and another fifteen to make it to  my stop and walk the two blocks over to Remy's door. It was a midnight  blue, and I couldn't help but think if Remy's level of happiness to see  me were a temperature color wheel, it'd just about match his door  perfectly every time.

I took a deep breath and knocked three times, kind of hoping Lexi would be the one to answer by some miracle.

But I knew Remy would never let my young daughter be the one to open a  door that barricaded a busy, sometimes sketchy New York City on the  other side, and I told myself to be grateful.

Even if Remy never let me live down the mistakes of my past-the missed  birthday parties, the infrequent visits, and the broken promises-he was  one of the strongest forces of support in my daughter's sometimes exiled  life, and I'd never want that to change.

The hideous screech of the door as it opened, as it were, was the last pleasant sound I heard until it closed again.

"Well, hello, fuckface," Remy greeted gleefully.

I gave a forced smile and a nod anyway. "Remy."

"Ruin anyone's life today?"

I looked briefly to the sky and back again, pulling my lips into my  mouth and licking them to keep all the salty remarks fighting to escape  to myself. The taste was overpowering, like overseasoned food, but I  stomached it anyway.

"Not that I know of."

His face was hard but pensive as he considered me … and my capability to  resist snapping back. The old me would have told Remy to go fuck  himself, so secure in the mind-set that I was doing what a father really  needed to do, loving unconditionally, if absently, and making the right  financial contributions, that I was justified in my indignation.

But having experienced what it really felt like to be a father, and  seeing the difference in how secure Lexi felt in all aspects of her  life, I knew differently. And I knew the stupid man I'd once been  deserved his daughter's uncle's ire.