Down and Dirty(58)

Cat hobbled closer, pain etched on her face. “I like my freedom, and I sure as shit won’t ask your permission to cross stuff off my bucket list. I’m cranky in the morning until I’ve had my coffee, and I’m not sure I ever want kids.” She shifted to her good leg and leaned her crutch against the chair next to him, then laid her hand on his chest. “What I’m trying to say is that, I don’t have any idea how to be a good girlfriend. I’m not used to compromising or having someone to answer to or clear my schedule with. And to be honest? It scares the ever-loving shit out of me. But I want to try. If you do. Because being with you is an adventure.”

His heart was hammering in his chest, and it took all he had not to scoop her up and run away with her. Take what she was offering and call it good. But she needed to know what she was getting into.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Cat, but I don’t know if I can be what you need me to be.”

Her face fell, and the sadness there threatened to kill him, but she needed to hear him out.

“I love you. I loved you when you dated Alex Michlaus and you snuck out of the house to go for a ride on his motorcycle in the middle of the night. I loved you when you decided that the best way to celebrate your birthday was to jump out of an airplane. I loved you when you moved to New York City at the age of eighteen all by yourself just to take a bite of the Big Apple. All the people who loved you sat by and watched you take life by the balls—terrified for you half the time—but no one ever once tried to hold you back. You’re so fearless in a lot of ways, and I admire the hell out of that. We all do. But the other day, at the Abbotts’ cottage?”

He set down his bag and covered her hand with his. “I can’t say that I wouldn’t do something like that again if we were together for real. It’s not about control, or making you change, or quashing your spirit. I don’t want to do any of that. But there’s a line to how much I can take. Maybe I handled it the wrong way, but damn it, all I could think of at that moment was trying to save you the pain of seeing that little girl. So I can’t promise you that I won’t try talk you out of something, or worry about you, or at least expect to be there to pick up the pieces with you when you fall. Because you’re a fucking whirlwind, an—”

“Shh,” she whispered, relief softening her features. She squeezed his fingers tight. “You don’t have to explain. I get it now. And it took me some time to admit to myself that it goes both ways. I thought about that night so many times and, in spite of my stubbornness, I don’t know if I would have done any different in your shoes. Because I love you, too.”

Relief coursed through him, and he bent low to brush his lips over hers, but she pulled away.

“That doesn’t mean I’d react any differently if you tried to pull that shit again, though,” she warned with a smile. “I would bitch and complain, maybe throw something smashy for effect, then we’d have to scrap it out before we had super-sweaty make-up sex.”

Damn if super-sweaty make-up sex didn’t sound good.

“Last call for flight two-three-seven.”

Shane pulled away and shook his head slowly. “Shit. Cat, I’ve got to go.”

She drew back, her face going pale. “You’re…you’re still going to leave?” she asked, her voice trembling.

He tugged her close into his chest. “I have to. I’ve got to get all my stuff.”

She pulled away and gaped at him. “Wait. I thought you were going back to California for good?”

He shook his head slowly. “Of course not. I just had to go back for a week to pack up my apartment and arrange to have my stuff shipped here.”

“But your mom said you were leaving, and…” She trailed off and then a light went off and she grinned. “Oh, well played, Martha. Well played.”

Shane leaned back to kiss her nose. “My mom bamboozled you, huh? That doesn’t surprise me in the least. In fact, I have to admit, for the first time in my life, I’m actually glad she’s such a busybody. I’d have had to suffer another week before I came back and put my new plan into motion.”

“What plan?”

He stepped back and dug through his duffel to pull out a small box. “You didn’t think I was just going to let you walk away, did you?”

Her gazed was locked on the box. “What the fuck is that?” she demanded, the abject terror in her eyes almost enough to make him laugh out loud.

“Not what you think. But I’m going to take a knee anyway.” He crouched down and knelt before her. “I’d hoped that when I came back for good and you had a little more time to cool off, I’d be able to get you back. Then I was going to let you get used to the idea before I asked, but now feels right. Cat,” he opened the box and in it was nestled a folded piece of paper, “I know it’s a pretty big step, but will you help me complete my bucket list?”