Do Not Forsake Me(67)

She ran her fingers through his thick hair, searching his face as if she could sense his fear. She had to know losing someone in his family, his source of love, was the only thing on earth that frightened him. “Maybe it isn’t me, Jake. Maybe, like you said, it will turn out all right. Maybe if we make love, we can pretend nothing is wrong. Maybe we should just take a day at a time and enjoy what we have right now.” She leaned up and kissed him. “And maybe I’d like to know what disrespectful sex is.”

He smiled sadly. “I assure you, you don’t want to know. You’re too good and perfect and beautiful for any man to make love to you in any way but just like that—good and perfect and beautiful.”

“It’s always been that way with you…good…” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “And perfect…” She arched against his naked body. “And beautiful…” She moved so that he was between her legs. “And you deliberately left off my underwear, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did.”

He met her mouth in a groaning kiss, wanting her in a different way this time…wanting to brand her because they would see Peter later…wanting to claim her, and to tell whatever was sneaking around inside her body to go away and leave her alone…wanting to make sure he could still do this without hurting her. She didn’t seem to want any foreplay. She just wanted her husband inside of her, and he wanted the same.

Nothing was going to take her from him…no man who might love her…no man who might want to hurt her just because she was Jake Harkner’s wife…and no disease…nothing…nothing. He raised up on his elbows to keep his weight off of her.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered.

“You won’t.” Randy closed her eyes and sucked in her breath when he entered her. “Nothing hurts. It just feels wonderful.” She arched up to him, wanting to know she was alive and still able to please this man who took so much pleasure in return and knew how to enjoy both. Sometimes this was as erotic and fulfilling as all the foreplay and all the different ways there were to do this put together…just the act itself, because it was the utmost form of sharing souls and the most satisfying way of giving and taking and branding and owning. It wasn’t for wicked pleasure so much as a sensual, deep, gratifying way to express a love that nothing could destroy…two people so close to each other that they were one.

He pushed her gown up with one hand while moving his other hand under her bottom to press deeper as he tasted one breast. He didn’t want to take too long, worried she’d feel pain. Before long, his life spilled into her. He pushed up the other side of her gown and kissed both breasts, her neck—and, hungrily, her mouth.

“All of a sudden I can’t get enough of you,” he said softly, “but you were hurting. Don’t tell me you weren’t.”

“Jake, I—”

“We’re way too connected, Randy.” He kissed her eyes. “It’s okay to tell me to stop.”

“It’s a good pain. I don’t mind it. It makes me know I’m alive and with you. I wish you didn’t have to leave again.”

“I have to wait a good week yet.”

“I’m scared for you to go this time. Marty Bryant is out there.”

“You know I can damn well take care of Marty Bryant.”

“And this thing with me…I’m scared, Jake. I want you with me.”

“I’m right here.”

“Make love to me again. We have time.”

“You’re in pain.”

“I don’t care. It’s not that bad. I’m scared time might be short and we won’t be able—”

He stopped her words with another kiss. “Don’t say it,” he told her then between more kisses. “It’s not going to happen, Randy. We’re going to think positive about this and realize we won’t know a damn thing until you see that doctor. Things could turn out just fine. God isn’t going to take away someone as good and beautiful as my wife.” He reached down to guide himself into her again, moving both hands under her hips and pulling her to him.

“Who do you belong to?” he groaned next to her ear.

“Jake Harkner.”

“Who?”

“Jake Harkner.”

“Every inch of your beautiful body.” He met her mouth again, running his tongue deep while invading that sweet place no one else had touched since he took her in a covered wagon somewhere out on the plains on the way to Nevada twenty-six years and a lifetime of heartaches ago. No damn disease was going to take her away from him. He wouldn’t let it. There had to be a way to fight this thing. Fighting and killing his enemies was all he knew, and whatever was wrong now, it had become his worst enemy. He would claim her and claim her and make sure that this new enemy knew she belonged only to Jake Harkner, and that it could not have her.