Devil You Know(61)
“So you jump to the first conclusion that gets in your head? Do you honestly think I’d pack up and go without so much as a goodbye?”
“I guess not.” He shakes his head. “I just wish you’d stop to think before you act sometimes. Anything could have happened to you, and I wouldn’t have known where to find you. Think about what it would do to those who love you if you got hurt.” My heart soars with hope. “Like your parents?” And crashes to earth in a ball of flames.
“I’m sure they’d find out eventually.” He’s so wound up, so agitated, yet he still can’t be one hundred percent honest with me. “You shut your door.”
“What?”
“You shut your door, so I thought that meant you didn’t want to talk to me.”
“We’re talking now, aren’t we?”
“I told you I wanted to move out.”
“Do you?”
I sigh, and kick the dirt under my feet. “Yes, but no. I don’t know.”
“It’s a simple answer, Jane. Yes, or no.”
“No, its not,” I argue. “I like being around you, but we fight, so much, and then when we don’t . . . well, things are complicated.”
“They don’t have to be.”
Is he kidding? He’s saying that to me? My head drops back, and I curse at the heavens for giving me such a frustrating man. “I can’t keep living with you, Malice. I need to start again on my own.”
“Why? What’s wrong with having my support?”
“Because it’s not support if it’s always there. It’s a weakness if I don’t know how to operate without it.”
“You don’t have to be a fucking martyr, Jane. There’s no harm in letting others help.”
I jab my finger at him. “Rich, coming from you. How about you drink up some of your own advice, and try letting others help you out?”
“I don’t need help,” he says, full of cocky spite.
“We both know that’s the biggest damn lie out there,” I seethe.
His shoulders drop, and he rubs a hand over his face. “I can’t do it with you. I can’t open that can of worms.”
“Why the fuck not?” I ask, throwing my hands in the air.
“Because I’m terrified you’ll leave.”
“Like you already thought I had?” I raise an eyebrow at him, and he smirks.
“What else are you doing, walking toward town?” he asks.
“Going for a walk, Malice. Getting some exercise, and trying to clear my head—which, by the way, was working out fine until some broody, stubborn, ass of a man pulled up and started harassing me.”
“So you didn’t leave because we argued?”
“No, Malice. I didn’t.”
He huffs, and kicks at the ground. “I’ve never told anyone the full story, you know? Not even the boys.”
I blanche a little at his confession, but choose to file that nugget away for later. He watches me as I take a few steps toward him. “Then stop trying to protect yourself, and me. Just try it out. We might surprise each other.”
He closes the distance between us with one of his long strides. “You promise you’ll keep an open mind?”
“Malice, I can’t promise anything when I don’t know what you’re going to tell me.”
He rubs the back of his neck, and I take in his strong jaw and thick neck. For such a masculine guy, he sure comes off as a scared little boy a lot.
“I don’t know if this is a good idea.” He drops his hand to his side. “I can’t undo it once I’ve told you everything. You’re going to look at me differently, and then what?”
“Let me be the judge of that.” I take hold of his hands before he can fidget again. Rocco circles us, sniffing the ground, and we both smile at him getting around, oblivious to the tension in the air. “What I do know, Malice, is that if you carry on living behind your walls, then you’ll never be free. You’ll never know what could be, because you’ll forever drive away anyone who wants to be there for you. You have to be willing to get hurt to chance having the best of anything.”
“Do you hear yourself?” he asks. “Can you hear how confident you’re being right now?”
I freeze, staring at him while the thought processes. “I guess you’re right.”
“Here you are, telling me how it is, all full of attitude—it’s fucking hot by the way, you know that?”
“Hot?” I cock an eyebrow, and contemplate how sane he is.
“I told you you’re beautiful, and I meant it when I said I wanted you to see it.” He frowns, and crosses his arms.