Damaged and the Beas(13)

"I'd take you," Bailey announced. "But first, we could drop by a frat house and party." Cooper glared at his sister who grinned. "Find ourselves a few real men and get naked and … "

"Gross," Tucker muttered. "You naked is a real buzz kill. Now Farah is someone I wouldn't mind getting naked for a little fun."

Cooper looked ready to hit his brother, but Maddy got there first. Elbowing Tucker in the jaw, she stood up and threw her drink at him.

"I'm carrying your baby, and you're trying to fuck this whore!"

There were moments in my life when I wished I was invisible. Right then, I was having one of those moments.

"Baby," Tucker soothed, wiping his face, "you're so hormonal and shit."

"Don't blame this on hormones. You're a pig, and I hate you for wanting to fuck someone else."



       
         
       
        

"Not fuck," Tucker said softly, hands out in a gesture of peace. "A blowjob at the most."

The next second everything exploded. Cooper punched Tucker and then turned to punch another guy who did something I hadn't seen. Bailey yelled for Cooper to kill the guy and then she yelled for Tucker to kill another guy. Maddy slapped Tucker on his way to the ground and then she ran to the bathroom, screaming about a mother protecting her young. I didn't wait around to find out what happened next.

Bolting out of the bar, I ran without looking back. Once I reached the road, I guessed which way we'd come. Everything was so green and nondescript out by the bar, but my inner GPS screamed for me to head left. I ran up the road, ignoring honking cars speeding by.

I needed to get home behind a locked door so I would be safe. Growing up, too many fights broke out with Tawny and me nearby. How many times had someone hit me trying to get to my parents? Tawny lost a tooth in such a fight. One minute, we were standing in a store. The next minute, Tawny took a punch to the face meant for our mom. I still thanked God we had dental insurance through the state. If not, my poor sister would be missing one of her front teeth. As if her life wasn't hard enough with her teeth intact.

No more chaos of my childhood. No more madness. I needed free of my past. Free of danger and fear. The apartment I shared with my mother wasn't fancy or even all that welcoming, but it was nicer than most places I'd lived in. It was as safe as I would find here and I hoped I was running in the right direction.

Past exhaustion with a bone dry throat, I whimpered when I heard the motorcycle. The rural highway had become residential, and I believed I was close to my neighborhood. Even nearly safe, I couldn't outrun a Harley.

Cooper roared to a stop in front of me and let the bike idle. His gaze was angry, and I noticed blood on his bottom lip. Standing there sweaty and thirsty, I felt glued to my spot much like I did when I got in trouble as a kid. My dad would tell me to come to him, and I knew I would get the belt. Sometimes, I didn't care. The few times I turned bratty, I didn't mind a spanking because I hated our life. Those times when I hadn't really done anything wrong, and my dad just wanted to punish someone, I did care about the spankings. I would stare at him and wait for someone to save me. I knew no one would, but I couldn't move towards my fate. Every time I panicked like that, Dad spanked me where I was glued to the floor.

Now, I waited for payback from a pissed Cooper. Breathing too fast and with a violent look in his eyes, he gestured with his finger for me to come closer. I didn't move, though. I wasn't walking over to him so that I could be punished. If he wanted to do it, he could come to me. It wasn't much of a stand, but I had learned to accept the small victories. 

Cooper shut down his bike and climbed off. Watching him move towards me, I wanted to run. Just like when I was kid waiting for my spanking, though, I had nowhere to go.

Before he reached me, Cooper lost the rage in his expression. His dark eyes softened, and he sighed. "Why did you run?"

Shaking my head, I just wanted to go home and be safe. What if I said the wrong thing to Cooper and he hurt me? No one would care. No one would help me. He was rich and powerful. I was poor and nobody.

When I said nothing, Cooper frowned a little, looking more confused than pissed.

"Tuck needs to watch his mouth," Cooper finally said. "Pissing off his pregnant girlfriend is stupid. Like she doesn't have enough stress. Then he's talking about you like you're a whore. Then those fucks get in on it, making those gestures. I might not respect many chicks around here, but you and Maddy are solid," he said, stepping closer. "Why did you run?"

"I was afraid," I whispered.

"Why didn't you run into the bathroom like Maddy?"

The answer in my head wouldn't make him happy, so I didn't say it. Cooper glanced around and flipped off a honking car. When his gaze returned to me, he let out a long sigh.

"Let's go eat."

"I want to go home," I whispered, terrified of his reaction.

"Why?" he muttered, no longer confused. He was just angry now.

"I'm scared, and I want to go home."

"Why would you be safer at home than with me? No one fucks with me and walks away from that."

Willing myself not to cry, I looked at Cooper, and he finally understood. Showing his unhappiness by saying "fuck" ten times, he glanced around as if someone might help him out if he cussed enough.

"Screw this shit!" he yelled, walking back to his bike. "I don't need to chase an uptight bitch so that she can turn around and think I'm an ass! Fuck you, Farah!"

I cried then. In the restaurant, I had really wanted Cooper to like me and had hoped much of his roughness was for show. It wasn't though, and he was ditching me on the side of the road. Would he get me fired now?

"Get on!" he barked, revving the engine. "Unless you want to throw another fit and walk yourself home."

Exhausted, I needed to get home. Somehow, I was certain if I reached my apartment I would feel better. He offered me the fastest way to salvation, so I climbed on behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

When I leaned into him, Cooper sighed in a weird way. Did he remember how we teased each other when my arms were last wrapped around him? Did he wish we could go back and change courses? I wished that too, even if I knew I'd still end up terrified while he hated me.

Crying the whole way home, I felt like the old Farah's bad luck had infected the new Farah's life. I still couldn't seem to find my way. I wished for the billionth time that Tawny was there with me. I would have someone to talk to who loved me. Someone I didn't have to pretend with. Someone who knew my dirty secrets.

When I got off the bike at my place, Cooper took my hand and stared at me. "I could pick you up later and take you out to dinner. Somewhere nice."

I wanted Cooper so badly. When he looked at me, I felt beautiful and special. I had never felt that way before, and I craved it. Even unaccustomed to feeling special, I was familiar with fear. I desperately needed a life where I didn't constantly worry about my safety. With Cooper, I would always be one step away from danger or embarrassment, though.

"I'll see you Monday in class," I said, sliding my hand slowly out of his.



       
         
       
        

Cooper's expression changed. For a painful moment, I saw regret and longing. For a painful moment, I saw the man I wished him to be. Then his expression hardened, and he exhaled loudly.

"One day, you'll be old and look back at how you pissed away fun shit. You'll wish you took chances when you were young. You'll be full of fucking regrets, but I won't."

Even as I nodded, I saw regret lurking behind his anger. He wished things had gone differently. He might have even wished to take me somewhere besides the bar. What Cooper hoped would show a sign of his genuine interest in me had turned into a clusterfuck.

"I had fun," I mumbled.

Rolling his eyes, Cooper shoved a wad of twenties into my hand. "Bullshit."

"No, some parts were really good."

Cooper held my gaze, and his longing shoved aside the irritation. "I know a nice place we could have dinner. Quiet and the food is really good."

I think he knew how much I wanted to say yes, but I shook my head and stepped back. Cooper was beautiful and amazing in many ways, but he scared me, and I needed to be safe. With him, I never would be.





Chapter Seven


Arriving at class before most students including Cooper, I found a seat in the front. I licked my lips and prayed there wasn't toothpaste in the corners. Just as I thought to run to the bathroom to check, Cooper appeared at the door. Clean-shaven and wearing a white tee, he looked younger and softer than I remembered. He looked almost harmless, yet his dark eyes and tattoos reminded me how behind his beauty lived a raging beast who thought I was a bitch.

Cooper strutted to the seat next to mine, sat down, and pulled out a notepad. I smiled at him but kept casual. Scribbling down the lesson on the board, I tried not to make a big deal out of Cooper joining me. Before I could speak, he leaned over and kissed my neck as if Sunday never happened and we were dating now.

"Want to copy my stellar notes?" Cooper asked, scooting his desk closer.