Damaged and the Beas(17)

With my arms wrapped around me, I nodded again. Frowning, Cooper focused his gaze on me and swallowed hard.

"I shouldn't have told you to fuck off on Sunday," he whispered. "I shouldn't have called you an uptight bitch either. You were just scared. I knew that, but I wanted you and didn't know the right thing to say. Tonight, I'll know the right thing."

Fighting the heat in my eyes, I didn't want to cry, but he was looking at me as if I had value. While I shouldn't care what he thought, Cooper was beautiful, smart, funny, and he wanted me. I had really hoped he wanted me, but now I was scared to get my wish.



       
         
       
        

"Tonight," I said because it was all I could think to say.

"It'll be calm. I promise no fights. No bullshit. Just you and me eating and talking like normal people."

"That sounds nice."

Cooper erased the space between us. "In case something fucked up happens and tonight doesn't work out, I want to kiss you now."

"Why would something fucked up happen?" I asked alarmed.

Cooper shrugged and then leaned down to kiss me. I thought to step back but lifted my lips instead. Remembering how good his kisses felt before, I wished he was the one for me. I wished things could be easy because I wanted to have someone look at me and see value. Yet as Cooper kissed me, I knew I was fooling myself to think I would end up as anything more than a used condom.





Chapter Nine


I never heard Cooper's motorcycle before he knocked on the door. When I answered, he gave me a soft, maybe even nervous smile. I returned it, feeling anxious while shutting the door behind me.

Glancing over my jeans and pink tee, he swallowed hard. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you. You look really good too," I said, noticing how he wore all black from his boots to his shirt.

As we walked to the front of the complex, Cooper suddenly stopped. "This is for real, right?"

"What?"

"This date. You're giving me a chance, right? I need for you to be open to things and not just playing along because I said I would keep chasing. I need a real chance because you've got me all messed up inside."

Staring up at Cooper, I held his gaze and forced a smile. "I like you a lot. I don't think we make any sense, but I wish we did."

"We could, though," he said, taking my hand. "You're scared of all the surface stuff. The tats and the way I mouth off, but that's surface. On the inside, I know you're special. It's why I need a chance."

"I'm going on the date."

Sighing, Cooper frowned. "Because I said I would stalk you until you said yes."

"I don't expect anything from tonight. Good or bad. I just want to see what happens. I'm giving you a chance."

Cooper glanced at the muggy night. "This place has excellent pasta. Do you like Italian? If you don't, we can go somewhere else."

"I love Italian."

Giving me his cocky grin, Cooper opened the door of a big black truck. "There are rare moments when a Harley isn't the best form of transportation. This is one of those moments."

I climbed into the Ford F-350 and strapped on the seat belt. Cooper joined me, and his gaze was soft in a way that made me want him so much I nearly cried at the futility of even hoping. I didn't cry, though. I planned to enjoy myself tonight. I also intended to be a different kind of Farah. 

As he started the truck, I took off my seatbelt. Cooper immediately looked startled as if I might make a run for it. Instead, I leaned over and kissed him gently. He made no effort to deepen the kiss. Letting me lead, Cooper stared at me with those smoky eyes when I pulled away and returned to my side of the truck.

"Hell … " Cooper muttered full of heat as he drove from the apartment complex.

"How is school going?" I asked, acting casual.

"It's school. I go to make my parents happy. I don't care one way or the other."

"What would you do if you didn't attend college?"

"Travel around, I guess. My family goes on road trips in the summers. I love RVing around the country and up to Canada. There's a shitload of places to check out. We camp, hike, ski, explore. Some of my best memories are on the road."

When Cooper talked about his family, he seemed approachable and not so different than me. "If you could go anywhere right this minute, where would you go?"

Cooper glanced at me and then focused on the road. "Do you want the happy answer or the real one?"

"Both, I guess."

"The happy answer is I'd go to the Grand Canyon. I love that place and can go there a million times and still notice new things."

When he stopped talking, I asked, "What's the real answer?"

"I'd go wherever your sister is and bring her here so you wouldn't be alone."

Turning away, I stared out of the window and fought the urge to cry. Cooper said nothing for the rest of the drive to the restaurant. When we arrived, he turned off the truck and sighed.

"Are you angry?"

"Angry that you said the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me?" I asked, glancing at him with slightly wet eyes. "I miss her so much, and I mentioned that one time, and you remembered. So no, I'm not angry."

Cooper gave me a slight smile. "Let's eat and you can tell me more about her."

"Really?"

"I want to know you and I sense you fake things to make yourself seem like everyone else. Your sister is real for you, though, and I want real."

When he moved to get out of the car, I touched his arm. His gaze met mine and then our lips became acquainted again. It was a short soft kiss, and I found myself wanting more, instead of waiting for it to be over.

Soon, we walked inside the small Italian restaurant on the outskirts of town. Seated quickly, we looked over the menu, and I was excited to eat whatever I wanted because I'd always loved Italian food. My dad said it was too expensive, though. Based on the prices, the food wasn't cheap, but I didn't think about it when I was with Cooper. I knew he was like Skye, using money as if it was mere paper to be tossed around.

"Tell me about Tawny," Cooper said, sitting across the table and watching me with such a warm gaze I felt nervous to ruin his mood.

"She's really perceptive. If I'm kinda book smart, she's common sense smart. Great at reading people. A hard worker too. She's shy though and hates school."

Cooper reached across the table and wiped away the tear from my cheek.

"I'm sorry, but I've never gone this long without seeing her. It's like a part of me is missing."

"Why can't she move here?"

"My dad won't let her. Mom doesn't want her here either. I'm saving up, though, and I'll get an apartment for us. Tawny can get a job, and we'll be together, but it probably can't happen until she turns eighteen."



       
         
       
        

"Where is she now?"

"I'm not sure. My dad is in trouble with some people, and he's laying low. They're somewhere in Texas."

"That's bullshit," Cooper quietly said as he tapped hard on the table. "Raising kids that way is crap. Some of my pop's friends are assholes like that and their kids turn out to be shit. You and your sister shouldn't have turned out great, but here you are."

"I don't like to think of my dad as an asshole."

"But you know he is, and that's why you don't like thinking about it."

"He took care of Tawny and me. He has his good qualities."

"So did Hitler. So does everyone. No one is pure shit. Everyone can be great in little ways. I'm sorry, Farah, but the way you are about stuff tells me that your dad didn't do a great job."

Frowning, I felt embarrassed like he just called me a loser. Cooper reached across the table again and, this time, took my hand.

"You want to fit in so much. I see this need in your eyes to be like everyone else, and you can't see how amazing you are just being you. Plus, there's the way you freaked out on Sunday when the fight broke out. Baby, that wasn't a normal chick move. You were terrified in a way few other girls would have been. I've had rich bitches around when a fight broke out. At the most, they scream and hide under a table. You took off like your life depended on it. You don't get that kind of fear response by growing up feeling safe."

"He did the best he could."

"Protect your own," he said, slowly pulling away his hand. "I get it. Look at Tucker. He's a turd in every way, but he's my little brother. I'd kill to protect him. Die too, but I know he's a loser. Knocking up Maddy was ridiculous. Well, actually knocking her up was pretty ingenious for him, but then he told everyone he did it. That's why he's a turd. The douche made himself and Maddy look stupid. They are stupid, but he could have kept it quiet."

"Ingenious?"

"Maddy is flaky, and he thought she would ditch school and go home. He wanted her to stay and devised a plan. It was a stupid plan, but for him to think it out and put it in motion was pretty brilliant for Tuck. In reality, she would have stayed for the same reason she didn't admit to knowing those weren't her pills. She wants to keep him. Maddy's like you in a lot of ways. Poor and struggling to get ahead. She saw a chance to be with a guy with money and jumped at the chance. The weirdest shit is how she actually loves him. I can't imagine why anyone would love that idiot if they had a choice, but she thinks he's the funniest sweetest guy ever. It's pretty nauseating, but they're happy, and I have to be happy for them."