Complicate Me(35)

I hated that the most.

Aubrey just let me cry for as long as I needed. When I finally opened my eyes, lifting them up, I locked intense gazes with Cole. Who appeared exactly the way I felt.

I pulled away from Aubrey and she combed her fingers through my hair, away from my face. Her eyebrows lowered and her lips pursed when she met my eyes, following my stare that was locked with Cole’s. She looked back and forth between us and I nodded my head, giving her silent approval to leave. She did but not before she kissed my head and warned Cole with an angry glance that had him wince and nod his head.

We stood there staring at each other for I don’t know how long. Time just seemed to stand still for a minute.

“I fucked up,” he confessed, breaking the silence. “I fucked up really bad. I’m sorry, Alexandra.”

I didn’t move. I didn’t say anything. I just sort of stood there and watched him, trying to accept his sincere apology that sounded more like words than anything else. When he realized he wasn’t getting what he needed out of me, he stepped forward and I instinctively stepped back.

He bowed his head with understanding. “I wish I could tell you why I did it, but I don’t know the answer to that,” he sort of mumbled. I saw his chest puff out as he sucked in a big breath of air, almost like it was the first time he started to breathe again.

“Yes, I do. I’m lying. I don’t want to lie to you anymore.” He took a few more deep breaths and then lifted his sorrowful eyes to me. If I wasn’t so pissed at him, I probably would have felt sorry for him.

“I like you a lot, that can’t be a surprise to you. I tell you all the time. You don’t really talk about Lucas, but I see the way you look at him. You look at him the way I look at you. I see it all the time.” He shrugged, appearing defeated. “I snapped. I hate that he has you and I don’t. I hate that he treats you the way he does and you’re still there for him. I hate that I don’t ever know where we stand. And I hate more than ever that we may never have a chance to find out what this thing between us could be.”

Silence.

“Darlin’, I’m sorry. It got out of hand. One thing led to another and accelerated at warp speed. Before I knew it he was jumping off his board and into the ocean. I feel awful, but there’s nothing I can do to change what’s been done. All I can do is apologize to you, and hope you believe me. I would never want to hurt you, and I know somewhere deep inside. You know that.”

More silence.

He sighed and his shoulders slumped forward. “I know you feel something for me, but you won’t give into it. Part of me understands and then another huge part of me doesn’t. What do I need to do? I’ll do anything.”

My expression hardened. “Stay away from me, Cole.”

He violently shook his head, stepping toward me again, except this time I didn’t step back.

“You don’t mean that. You’re mad at me and I completely deserve it, but you don’t mean that.”

I willed myself to breathe because my heart raced so profusely. It resonated in my temples. “I need some space from both of you. You need to respect that.”

“For how long?”

“Does it matter?”

“It does to me.”

I crossed my arms over my chest in hopes that it would make me appear more confident. I sure as hell didn’t feel it. Every fiber in my body seemed tense and clenched, it was hard to feel anything other than the pain they both caused me.

“I’m so fucking sorry. Please believe me,” he bellowed as if he could read my mind. His eyes gleamed and his lips shook as he said it.

I could feel my resolve breaking. “You hurt me,” I simply stated, trying to remain strong.

He winced and shut his eyes. “I know.”

“How can I trust you to not do it again?” As soon as the words left my mouth my heart sped up, anticipating his response.

“I can’t promise you that I won’t fuck up again. I’m not perfect and I’m not going to lie to you by saying I am.”

I didn’t have much time to appreciate his words because my attention turned to Lucas’s mom who walked behind the two paramedics supporting Lucas, one on each side of him. I’m sure he refused to be placed on a stretcher.

He frowned when he saw me. I could physically feel the anguish radiating off of him and onto me. Our connection had always been like that. Unlike Cole who had to tell me his regret and remorse, I could actually sense Lucas’s.

It was a part of me.

We were a part of each other.

As much as it confused and overwhelmed me, it provided the comfort that I needed at that moment. His soft baby blue eyes were calm, his hurricane once again sedated. I nervously shuffled around, the mere presence of him causing me to feel everything that I desperately tried to hide.

The boys were staring at us.

Everyone was staring at us.

While I stared at the center of my existence and vice versa, stirring open wounds that would take years to heal, for both of us.

I wish I could tell you things changed after this.

They didn’t.

This was the beginning of the end for us. Except it wouldn’t be Lucas’s fault.

It would be mine.





“Mom, I told you I’m sorry! How many times do I have to repeat it?”

“Boy, do NOT raise your voice to me.”

I bowed my head. “Yes, ma’am.”

“How many times do I have to cover for you, Lucas? I had to lie to your father, again,” she emphasized.

This was the first time she had spoken to me in three days. She barely said a word to me on our way to the hospital. Sixty stitches later and a laceration diagnosis, my foot was pretty much fucked. I had crutches that I’ve barely used because I haven’t moved from the spot on my bed. The pain has been almost unbearable, but the painkillers had helped. I hated taking them. They made me pass out and when I fought it, I was fucked up, literally.

I had to change the bandage once a day and I couldn’t put any pressure on it for a few weeks, not that it mattered because I was on lockdown until the end of the summer. Mom didn’t tell my dad what happened, she just told him that I got tossed off my board and my foot slammed into a rock. He gave me a lecture that I swear lasted five hours, but it didn’t matter. I was so fucked up on pain medication that I felt like I watched a cartoon in live action. My mom said she hadn’t told my dad the truth because she didn’t want him to worry about another thing.

I’m not sure what that meant, but I went with it nonetheless.

We always had a special bond. She hid things from my dad several times over the years. This wasn’t the first time, and I’m sure it wouldn’t be the last. After I explained to her what really happened between Cole and me, and why I got injured in the first place. She stopped talking to me. I apologized profusely every time she changed my bandages on my foot, which only seemed to infuriate her more. She could barely even look at me when she changed them.

She brought me food, medicine, and water. Again, barely regarding me. I wouldn’t say she had been mean to me, but she sure as shit didn’t baby me like I assumed she would.

“If you weren’t so careless and competing with Cole, you wouldn’t have anything to apologize for, Lucas.”

I sighed, annoyed. “I’m aware of that, Mom, thank you so much for reminding me.”

Her eyes immediately went wide, clenching her jaw.

“I’m sorry,” I instinctively blurted.

Her expression softened as she sat down beside me on the couch. Being in the same position on my bed for the last three days started to depress me. She said she would help me into the living room but not before she ordered me to shower. She said I smelled like shit and that’s a lot coming from my mom who barely ever cursed to begin with. I argued with her that I didn’t need her help, she rolled her eyes at me. Ignoring my plea, she placed a bench in the shower, so I could sit down and not have to worry about putting pressure on my foot or getting it wet.

I kept my boxers on the entire time while she washed me. When she tried to reach into my boxers to wash me there, I refused. She claimed it wasn’t anything she hadn’t seen before, reminding me that she used to change my diapers. I was a grown ass boy now and that wasn’t happening. She sighed, shook her head and turned her back, as I washed my own cock and balls. Then she helped me out of the shower, and into my bedroom. It took me about an hour to try to take off my wet boxers and put on new ones. Again, she tried to assist me and once again I had to remind her I wasn’t five anymore. She got bored of waiting and left me alone until I was done. I hollered for her to come back to help me get dressed the rest of the way.

It was a mission to say the least.

“What on earth possessed you to do something so dangerous, Lucas? Do you have any idea how much worse this could have been? You could have been paralyzed! You could have died, ugh! Every time I think about what that boy provoked you to do, it makes me want to call his parents to give them an earful.”

I lay back against the pillow, my pain pill finally kicking in.

“Lucas! Are you listening to me?”

“Mmm hmm,” I mumbled, glancing at her to prove it.

“Why won’t you let me call his parents? It’s not fair that you’re the only one suffering for what he provoked.”