Complicate Me(28)

He lifted his chin and stood taller in a proud and malicious manner. “Is that right?”

I reluctantly nodded. I couldn’t back down. I was too far gone. If I did then he would have won, and I was exhausted from him constantly winning all the time. All I wanted this to be was a give and take, but instead it turned into a power struggle.

“Then that answers that,” he simply stated, causing my body to internally shudder. He could have seen it if he wanted to, he could have seen past the lies and the façade I desperately tried to portray. At least in my mind he could, and it made me question the sincerity of our friendship, of how much he genuinely knew me, or was I what he needed to see?

I wanted to ask him so many things. I wanted to know what he thought, what he felt, I wanted to know what he wanted from me…

It was as confusing as it was consuming.

Plain and simple.

“We’re best friends, Bo,” I reassuringly stated, but not sure for who.

He nodded, looking toward the door. I hated that he expected me to leave, or maybe he just wanted me to go and couldn’t say the words out loud. It hurt my heart in ways that made me think I would never recover.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. You’ll come for lunch at the restaurant?”

All he did was shrug, making me feel worse.

“Okay,” I half-whispered.

I don’t know how the tables turned and how we went from one thing to another. I never understood how that always ended up happening. I guess old habits die hard. I had taken one last look at him before I turned to leave.

“I’ll drive you. It’s late,” was the last thing he said to me.

As we drove away, I couldn’t push away the feeling that things were never going to be the same between us. Even though he drove me home, it didn’t give me any solace to our current situation.

And I realized that this might have been the last time that we would found refuge in our abandoned house.





Cole and I had spent more time together before he left to go back home, but he made sure that we exchanged every form of contact possible. He texted me all the time and at first it was weird. But it didn’t take long for me to get use to his good morning and good night text messages and everything else in between.

We were more than halfway through the new school year, and I couldn’t believe how fast summer approached. It felt like I could blink and it would be here. Though being in high school with my boys had been the same, but different. Something changed when they saw me with Cole, in some ways it was a blessing in disguise, in other ways it was a disaster waiting to happen, but that only related to Lucas.

The boys were still overprotective, but it lessened with time. They no longer threatened boys not to mess with me or talk to me. They didn’t even flip out when I talked to a boy anymore. They seemed at ease with the fact that I grew up and could make my own decisions based on what I felt was right for me. I expected it had something to do with Cole coming into my life, and I appreciated that the most.

Lucas, well Lucas and I, we changed again. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine our relationship where it currently was. After that night at our abandoned house, he started to pull away from me. He hung out with Stacey more. In fact, he hung out with a lot of girls more. The rumor around school was that he made his way through the entire cheerleading squad and then some. It was so hard to ignore it when it was blatantly flaunted in my face daily. He turned seventeen and I turned fifteen, and we were drifting away from each other in ways I wasn’t expecting or prepared for.

The boys noticed it, too, but they never said anything.

At least not to me.

We hadn’t been to our abandoned house since that night. I went back a few times after work and other normal times, with the hope he’d be there waiting for me. He wasn’t. Not once. I finally gave up and stopped going.

It was easier that way.

In some ways, Cole replaced Lucas in my life. We were becoming close. We talked about anything and everything. Cole was sweet and understanding. He made me laugh with his relentless flirting, which I grew to love. It became a nice distraction from missing Bo. I liked that someone doted on me in ways Lucas never had. In the back of my mind, I wondered why. Girls like that kind of stuff, and I was no exception to the rule. Cole and I were just friends, even though he said he wanted more. I didn’t want a long-distance relationship, and I knew he didn’t either, regardless of what he said.

“You okay?” Aubrey asked as I watched Lucas cage in some random girl with his built frame, on what I assumed was her locker.

My boy grew up, too. He was broader, taller, and more masculine. He had this certain swagger about him that made the girls at school throw themselves at him. It wasn’t anything new, but for the first time he jumped on them, literally. It wasn’t just Stacey anymore.

I hugged my notebooks closer to my chest in a comforting gesture. “Yeah.”

“He’s a guy, Alex, he’s just being a guy.”

I glanced over at her, surprised. “What?”

She reassuringly smiled. “I know, Alex. I’ve known for a long time.”

My eyebrows lowered in confusion. “You have?” I softly spoke, not believing what she shared.

“Of course, it’s hard to miss. The only reason the boys miss it is because they choose to. They ignore what is blatantly in their faces. You guys aren’t smooth about it. You never have been.”

I jerked back, stunned and relieved at the same time. Why was I relieved?

“I still don’t know what actually went down between you guys, but it’s obvious it was bad. You barely talk to each other, and when you do neither of you makes eye contact. It would take an idiot not to notice.”

“Yeah,” I muttered, taking a deep breath and contemplating whether I could be honest with her or not. “I wish I could tell you what happened between us, Aubrey, but I don’t have a clue.” I decided I could and by the look on her face, she wasn’t one bit surprised.

“Everything just became complicated. It started before Cole, and then he just broke the camel’s back. He’s always been possessive of me. All the boys have.”

She nodded in agreement.

“It’s different with Cole. I don’t know why, but it is. We’re just friends and he couldn’t handle it. He told me I had to choose, but I didn’t understand what I was choosing. He didn’t promise me anything. If he would have told me that we were going to be together then maybe that would have changed things, but I still don’t think so. I hate the fact that he was bossing me around. Especially since I’ve never done that to him. I’ve let him do anything he’s wanted, even with me…”

She sighed, bracing herself. “Did you?”

“No. We’ve only kissed.”

“Phew,” she breathed out. “That would have been—”

“I know,” I interrupted, and I did.

“This thing between us has been going on since we were kids, and then it turned into something neither one of us understood like it became bigger than us. Does that make any sense? Because I don’t understand it.”

She smiled, support evident in her eyes. “You love each other, that much I do know.”

“I thought love was supposed to be easy? It’s not easy, not even a little. I mean you and Dylan make it look so simple.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “Trust me, Alex, nothing is easy about our relationship. You know how Dylan is. Fuck, you probably know him better than I do. He’s an asshole.”

I laughed with her.

“But he’s my asshole,” she added.

My hand clutched my shark-tooth necklace as her words settled in. A sense of longing fell over me.

“Give it time. I know that the boys have a lot to do with him and your guys, whatever. They don’t like it, and I know they’ve given him shit about it. Plus,” she emphasized, “you talk to Cole constantly, and that boy is gorgeous.”

I grinned. “He’s alright. Don’t tell him that, he’ll get a bigger head than he already has.”

“Are you excited to see him again?”

“I am. He’s been a great friend.”

“Not anything more?” she asked with a mischievous smirk.

I rolled my eyes. “No, we’re just friends.”

“Hmm…”

“What?”

She shrugged. “Nothin’.”

“Doesn’t sound like nothin’.”

“I know that Lucas is doing what he wants, and I think that you should, too. That’s all.” She knowingly shrugged again.

“What makes you think I’m not?”

“Alex…”

With wide eyes, I nodded. “I am.”

“If you say so.”

“I am, Aubrey,” I argued.

She put her hands up in the air in a surrendering gesture. “Listen, just know that I’m always here for you. I don’t care what it’s about. I’m not going to judge you, and I’m not going to tell Dylan or the boys either. I promise.” She stuck out her pinky and I smiled, locking my own around it.

“Thank you, Aubrey. You have no idea how much I needed that. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this.”

“Not even Cole?”

“Not really, but I think he knows.”